On Satire News Bits: Vol. 8

As my wife is cruising the Caribbean, I’m slaving away with chores, thus having very little time for myself. After two days at sea, a stop in Jamaica, and on the  way to Grand Cayman, I imagine she’s ready to come home as soon as possible.

With all this in mind, here are a few headlines from The Onion to get us over the mid-week hump. Do you have a favorite among these?

Nobody Notices Postal Stamps Now $30

Arby’s Charging $2.99 to Let Customers go Behind Counter to Grab Handfuls of Roast Beef

New Desk Chair is a Boring Dream Come True

Area Man Carefully Weighs One Side of Argument

Area Man Forces Self to Drink Free Refill

FDA Urges Americans to Check Out Weird-Looking Potato

New Law Prohibits Kaleidoscoping While Driving

Australian Tournament Cancelled as Tennis Balls Fall Off Bottom of Earth into the Sky

Area Couple Vows Never to go Dildo Shopping Again while Horny

World’s Greatest Trombonist Just Tells People He Works in Marketing

Virulent Strain of Soy Flu Traced to Single Tofurkey

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42 thoughts on “On Satire News Bits: Vol. 8

  1. I love the tennis ball falling off the earth in Australia. Top Gear UK brought the Top Gear guys from Australia to Britain for a head-to-head contest, and not only brought the Aussie presenters to the studio in a paddy wagon, but when they built double-decker cars, the Brit guys put the top cars on upside down to make the Aussies “feel at home”.
    And just what happens if they ever let a tofurkey and a turducken cross-breed? I think that might be one of the signs of the Apocalypse! :D
    I promise I will get to your physics post tomorrow – we took one of our cats in yesterday to get fixed, and he snuck out the door earlier. Lost two hours trying to find him, with no luck. Not a real great day today.

    • Spiced,
      LOL … I’ve never been to Grand Cayman, so I’m anxious to see the pics if she decides to return home. Then again, the ship will kick her off. :) Thanks for commenting.

  2. As a musician, the ‘bone joke is pretty classic, like:
    What’s the difference between a dead trombone player and a dead snake in the road?
    The skid marks in front of the snake.
    Also, the Postal headline is sad but true..and funny!

  3. Hi,
    Oh yes I am sure your wife can’t wait to get home. :lol:

    “Australian Tournament Cancelled as Tennis Balls Fall Off Bottom of Earth into the Sky”

    This could be very true, after all OZ is the Land Down Under. :D

    • Mags,
      Thanks for the video … love hearing the classic and seeing the pics. One question – In OZ, is vegemite inexpensive? For instance here, it is expensive.

      Meanwhile, I’m sure the women are having a good time. It’s my sister-in-laws first cruise, so I hope all goes well for her. Thanks for commenting.

  4. I liked the threat of the “free refill”–so funny. Don’t you just do as you please until 12 hours before your wife is due home when you then pull an all-nighter and get the chores done and the place whipped back into shape? Debra

    • Debra,
      The free refill one is a hoot! Of course I think of how many times I use it! Rest assured, I will not be doing an all-nighter to ready the house for her return – all will be done! Thanks for visiting.

  5. Well. I do hope she is not on a carnival/costas ship! Lord! I am sure ad a cruise passenger they are all shook up at this point. She will have your smiling face to greet her and welcome Hey home to a clean and organized house. :)

  6. Now are you sure she wants to come home? I don’t think I would lol. But I;m sure she misses you of course :). And this one ‘Area Man Forces Self to Drink Free Refill’.. funny. You don’t need to force me to drink a free refill.. especially since in NYC some places don’t even offer it lol

    • Kay,
      She may meet a meet a sugar-daddy to take care of her … who knows … then again, I may win the lottery! :) And yes … I’m the same way with free refills! Thanks for commenting.

  7. I loved Area Man Forces Self To Drink Free Refill! : )

    I can’t even drink the first-fill, let alone the refill. I’m sure his kidneys appreciate his effort though….

  8. It was a toss up between this one “Area Man Forces Self to Drink Free Refill” and the one about the tofu i’ll have to scroll back up..hold on…”Virulent Strain of Soy Flu Traced to Single Tofurkey” Fun LIst.

    • Starla,
      Glad you found something to enjoy. If you scroll up to my reply to John’s comment, I have linked something odd about Tofurkey for John’s off-beat sense of humor. Thanks for visiting!

  9. Funny Tofurky and turdunken fishing video! ” one of the signs of the Apocalypse!” Poor John’s kitty hope the cat comes back soon, things like that can be stressful.

  10. These were hilarious:

    Nobody Notices Postal Stamps Now $30
    New Desk Chair is a Boring Dream Come True

    but this took the cake:

    Area Man Forces Self to Drink Free Refill
    :lol: Gotta get the most for your money, man!!

    • Spinny,
      The fact that you had couldn’t pick just one is praise in itself! :) Glad you enjoyed these and thanks for visiting.

      PS: A few more are in the current Opinions in the Shorts.

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