As my wife is cruising the Caribbean, I’m slaving away with chores, thus having very little time for myself. After two days at sea, a stop in Jamaica, and on the way to Grand Cayman, I imagine she’s ready to come home as soon as possible.
With all this in mind, here are a few headlines from The Onion to get us over the mid-week hump. Do you have a favorite among these?
Nobody Notices Postal Stamps Now $30
Arby’s Charging $2.99 to Let Customers go Behind Counter to Grab Handfuls of Roast Beef
New Desk Chair is a Boring Dream Come True
Area Man Carefully Weighs One Side of Argument
Area Man Forces Self to Drink Free Refill
FDA Urges Americans to Check Out Weird-Looking Potato
New Law Prohibits Kaleidoscoping While Driving
Australian Tournament Cancelled as Tennis Balls Fall Off Bottom of Earth into the Sky
Area Couple Vows Never to go Dildo Shopping Again while Horny
World’s Greatest Trombonist Just Tells People He Works in Marketing
Virulent Strain of Soy Flu Traced to Single Tofurkey
Good set, Frank. Laughed at all of them.
But I wouldn’t take Arbys up on that deal…
Guapo,
You had me laughing at your Arby’s comment. Then again, sure can see the behind-the-counter feeding frenzy! Thanks for commenting.
I love the tennis ball falling off the earth in Australia. Top Gear UK brought the Top Gear guys from Australia to Britain for a head-to-head contest, and not only brought the Aussie presenters to the studio in a paddy wagon, but when they built double-decker cars, the Brit guys put the top cars on upside down to make the Aussies “feel at home”.
And just what happens if they ever let a tofurkey and a turducken cross-breed? I think that might be one of the signs of the Apocalypse!
I promise I will get to your physics post tomorrow – we took one of our cats in yesterday to get fixed, and he snuck out the door earlier. Lost two hours trying to find him, with no luck. Not a real great day today.
John,
Meanwhile, this link is the closest I could find to the Apocalypse you mentioned. Thanks for commenting.
Bummer news on your cat. Hope he says up tomorrow. So you’re a Top Gear fan – wow – another surprise!
http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/8d213b7225/tofurkey-turducken-in-gone-fishin
I’m just getting to the Inbox today, but thought I’d let you know that Max (the cat) came back this morning, undamaged, so that was a good start. Now I just have to catch back up after ignoring the Email in favour of wild goose … er … cat chases!
John,
Thanks for letting me know the good news!
Never mind the headlines, I’d just like to be on that cruise. I’ve always wanted to go to the Cayman Islands ever since I saw Tom Cruise in The Firm.
Spiced,
Thanks for commenting.
LOL … I’ve never been to Grand Cayman, so I’m anxious to see the pics if she decides to return home. Then again, the ship will kick her off.
As a musician, the ‘bone joke is pretty classic, like:
What’s the difference between a dead trombone player and a dead snake in the road?
The skid marks in front of the snake.
Also, the Postal headline is sad but true..and funny!
Les,
Glad you found one to enjoy. One of my favs is the one about the horny couple. Thanks for commenting.
Hi,
Oh yes I am sure your wife can’t wait to get home.
“Australian Tournament Cancelled as Tennis Balls Fall Off Bottom of Earth into the Sky”
This could be very true, after all OZ is the Land Down Under.
Mags,
Thanks for the video … love hearing the classic and seeing the pics. One question – In OZ, is vegemite inexpensive? For instance here, it is expensive.
Meanwhile, I’m sure the women are having a good time. It’s my sister-in-laws first cruise, so I hope all goes well for her. Thanks for commenting.
I didn’t know you could get vegemite where you are.
Vegemite is a bit more expensive than most of the other spreads you can buy. It never used to be. (sigh)
But there is always vegemite in our pantry.
Well, it’s only in a few stores here … so not regularly found.
I liked the threat of the “free refill”–so funny. Don’t you just do as you please until 12 hours before your wife is due home when you then pull an all-nighter and get the chores done and the place whipped back into shape? Debra
Debra,
The free refill one is a hoot! Of course I think of how many times I use it! Rest assured, I will not be doing an all-nighter to ready the house for her return – all will be done! Thanks for visiting.
Well. I do hope she is not on a carnival/costas ship! Lord! I am sure ad a cruise passenger they are all shook up at this point. She will have your smiling face to greet her and welcome Hey home to a clean and organized house.
Kellie,
She’s not on Carnival, whew … have they had a string of bad luck! Meanwhile, she will not return to work to do! Thanks for visiting.
Tofurkey. Like that.
Cuttlefish,
Glad you liked that one. One of the ones I best like is about weighing one side of the argument.Thanks for commenting.
Cuttlefish,
I think my comment on your blog went to your blog’s spam folder. Please check it. Thank you.
Yes, it did get in there somehow. Out where it belongs now. Thanks for alerting me. I check all spam before deleting but not every day.
Thank you!
always appreciate a good laugh.
RMV,
Great to hear that I met my objective for today. Thanks for visiting.
Reblogged this on .
Now are you sure she wants to come home? I don’t think I would lol. But I;m sure she misses you of course
. And this one ‘Area Man Forces Self to Drink Free Refill’.. funny. You don’t need to force me to drink a free refill.. especially since in NYC some places don’t even offer it lol
Kay,
And yes … I’m the same way with free refills! Thanks for commenting.
She may meet a meet a sugar-daddy to take care of her … who knows … then again, I may win the lottery!
“New Desk Chair is a Boring Dream Come True” my favorite! I am tweeting this. So funny
Mimo,
Hey hey … you are the first to like that one! Thanks for commenting.
I loved Area Man Forces Self To Drink Free Refill! : )
I can’t even drink the first-fill, let alone the refill. I’m sure his kidneys appreciate his effort though….
Alex,
Being one who is wants the unlimited refills, that headline made me laugh! Thanks for stopping by.
It was a toss up between this one “Area Man Forces Self to Drink Free Refill” and the one about the tofu i’ll have to scroll back up..hold on…”Virulent Strain of Soy Flu Traced to Single Tofurkey” Fun LIst.
Starla,
Glad you found something to enjoy. If you scroll up to my reply to John’s comment, I have linked something odd about Tofurkey for John’s off-beat sense of humor. Thanks for visiting!
Funny Tofurky and turdunken fishing video! ” one of the signs of the Apocalypse!” Poor John’s kitty hope the cat comes back soon, things like that can be stressful.
No worries, Starlaschat, he did show up the next morning, unharmed. And has remained firmly shut into the bathroom, AWAY from any exterior doors. Sneaky little bugger, he is!
John, Oh Good Glad to hear the cat came back and is doing well. Sneaky little bugger. :+)
Starla,
Glad you enjoyed the fishing video … a bit quirky, but unique! … and now you are introduced to John and his wit.
Thank You aFrankAngle, I can appreciate quirky and unique, I come from a long line of wit’s. Thanks for the intro.
These were hilarious:
Nobody Notices Postal Stamps Now $30
New Desk Chair is a Boring Dream Come True
but this took the cake:
Area Man Forces Self to Drink Free Refill
Gotta get the most for your money, man!!
Spinny,
Glad you enjoyed these and thanks for visiting.
The fact that you had couldn’t pick just one is praise in itself!
PS: A few more are in the current Opinions in the Shorts.