On Satire Bits: Vol. 25

Whew … What a steamy late afternoon on the golf course. Needless to say, perspiration drenched me! I played well, but putting continues to cost me strokes.

The Summer Olympics from London are about to start. Let’s hope the games go off without a hitch. In the Olympic spirit, I went to The Onion’s archives for your mid-week dose of satire. Enjoy …. Any favorites?

World Shocked at Possible Link between Olympics and Big Money

Nike Releases Olympic Track Suit Designed to Limit Penis Wind Resistance

Nation to Leave Olympic on in Background

Report: Olympics to Mathematically Happen This Year

IOC Clears Pros to Wrestle in Olympics

Many Viewers may be Using Oympics-Enhancing Drugs

Woman Turns Down $50 Million Offer from Professional Steeplechase League to Participate in Olympics

Green Clad Archer Steals Gold Metals from Rich, Gives them to Poor

Olympic Kayaker Hoping to Receive Endorsement from Good Paddle Manufacturer

Vaguely Irish Guy in Bar Thrilled by Rugby’s Inclusion in 2016 Olympics

Olympic Swimmer to Return to Tank at Sea World

TV Employee Pleased with Olympic Jacket

Nation to Seek Permission to Stop Watching Olympics

Quaint English Village Bulldozed to make room for Quaint English Olympic Village

Former Olympian Endorses Ultimate Workout Machine

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47 thoughts on “On Satire Bits: Vol. 25

  1. I have the odd feeling that the “Olympics on in background” will be a LOT more true than anyone realises!
    And here’s one for the “How can I get rid of that memory” department. I saw a commercial, starring Nadea Suleman (Octomom, however you spell her name), advertising for a payday-loan-type place, with the website of (I kid thee not) Octoloan.com. She has now done the two lowest things in life – posed nude for money, and shilled for a shady loan place. I’ll let you rank which one is the worse choice (I vote for the latter). :D

  2. This one grabbed my attention due to its ridiculousness: Woman Turns Down $50 Million Offer from Professional Steeplechase League to Participate in Olympics

  3. “Nation to Seek Permission to Stop Watching Olympics.” They put me to sleep. I may have to post about this if I can stay awake long enough.

  4. “Olympic Swimmer to Return to Tank at Sea World” strikes a chord with me because my best friend, Milton, can deliver a soliloquy insisting that Michael Phelps is the homeliest guy in the world. Milton insists that MP looks just like a fish. In 2008 he was also obsessed with gymnast Shawn Johnson because he thought her body could double as a table leg. Let the snark begin!

  5. always enjoyed the olympics. have you ever watched any of the bud greenspan olympic films? i wonder if he still produces them. they were great. “16 days of glory.”

  6. Vaguely Irish Guy in Bar Thrilled by Rugby’s Inclusion in 2016 Olympics–I think I met him the other night at the pub!

    I’m super excited about the Olympics. The torch arrives in my hood tomorrow and then I hope to watch it go by Tower Bridge on Friday. Woohoo!

  7. I think I like “Quaint English Village Bulldozed to make room for Quaint English Olympic Village” because it’s like something they would really do!
    And I still can’t understand how Synchronized Swimming is a sport :(

  8. “Green Clad Archer Steals Gold Metals from Rich, Gives them to Poor” – Just the buzz we needed to kick off the Olympics in Merry Ole’ England!

  9. Good luck with the putting Frank. Hope it falls into place for you!
    I’ll go with TV Employee from the headlines too. When I was a little kid, I got an NBC Olympics baseball cap from a friend whose dad worked for the network.
    I wore that hat til it completely fell apart.

  10. I really love that first one. ;) Surely no-one is in it to make money? That just wouldn’t be cricket. “IOC clears pros to wrestle in Olympics” should attract a lot of TV viewers.

    • Debra,
      Well, once the games get going I think enthusiasm will increase. On the down side, I wonder how much commercial time the candidates bought? Thanks for commenting.

  11. I guess Nike didn’t need any women to test drive those tracksuits. I don’t know how you can play golf in all that heat. I’d be taking up swimming. Really looking forward to the Olympics – I’ll be taking note of every Aussie medal and yours too of course xx

    • Spiced,
      LOL – Great comment regarding the Nike tracksuit! In terms of golf, good news is that I only played 9 holes. If 18, I would have needed to have my head examined. … and I’m sure those Aussie swimmers are ready! Good luck and thanks for stopping by.

  12. Pingback: Synchronized Grinning Is NOT A Sport, Olympic Or Otherwise « fasab

  13. “Nation to Leave Olympic on in Background” lol! This hit home since it’s what we were doing here in the Bogs this morning while cooking and eating breakfast.

  14. Reading these entries again, and the “Vaguely Irish Guy” one really appealed to me this time. I think it’s because I know so many semi-Irish people who take great pride in their 1/8th Irish heritage, or whatever fraction it is.

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