Hurricane Sandy has inflicted its share of horror upon many. Keep them in your thoughts and prayers. I encourage readers to donate to the American Red Cross or the charity of their choice to help with relief efforts.
Even with all the troubles, its Halloween and a mid-week dose of satire is good for all. In the spirit of this ghoulish celebration, I searched The Onion’s archives for fitting headlines. Enjoy – which is your favorite?
House Haunted by Tortured Souls of Current Residents
Blood Thirsty, Uneasy Ghoul Advocates Chocolate Cereal Consumption
Sexy Nurse having Trouble Finding Halloween Costume
Study Reveals Pittsburgh Unprepared for Full-Scale Zombie Attack
Unemployed Dad Channels All His Energy into Creating Running, Haunted House
Nobody Dresses as Rutherford B. Hayes Any More
Genetic Candy Corn Linked to AIDS
Tip: Be sure child closes eyes before drilling eyeholes in mask
Zombie Corpse of Scatman Crothers Speaks Out Against Telemarketing Scheme
Best Selling Costume: Sexy Mother Teresa
Jack-o-Lantern Debuted as Pumpkin Marketing Scheme
Capitol Hill Haunted by Killed Legislation
My favourite family…
Clan,
Cheers to another Addams Family fan! … Happy Halloween!
“Tip: Be sure child closes eyes before drilling eyeholes in mask”—Now that IS scary.
Carrie,
Happy Halloween!
For the kid or the driller?
Both.
Loved the Addams Family.
I’ll also go with the eyehole drilling tip. 
Paradise,
Cheers to another Addams Family fan … and good choice on the headline. Happy Halloween!
I don’t know, I’m torn between Rutherford B Hayes and Capitol Hill. While the “drilling the eyes” one speaks to my inner Stooge, though, I think I might have to follow the Y chromosome and go for the sexy nurse.
You know, I thought I had a great costume for this year – foam shaped like a big drop of water, with a fan for wind. I was gonna go as Sandy, but then I saw somebody dressed EXACTLY the same, going as Romney…..
John E,
It’s good to know that I was able to tap into you inner Stooge. As for that costume idea, how about as a sandbox? Happy Halloween!
Love the Addams Family series.
Must be something to do with the forthcoming election but my favorite Onion this time is “Capitol Hill Haunted by Killed Legislation”. But what is it with this Zombie craze at the moment???
Fasab,
The Capitol Hill headline is very fitting. After all, Congress approval rating recently improved as they left town. Happy Halloween!
I am stealing Nobody Dresses as Rutherford B. Hayes Any More
Larry,
Thanks for stopping by.
Oh no … I swear I had something about Rutherford B Hayes in this post.
My favorite as well.
Waters,
Welcome first-time commenter. Satire is the rule here on most Wednesdays, so I hope you return. The other days offers quite the wide array of topics. Hope you return and thanks for taking the time to visit and comment. Happy Halloween!
Addams Family was the best! Thanks for posting that great opening. As for the headlines, they are all great but given the upcoming election (a real horror story), I too will go with the Killed Legislation.
Patti,
Addams Family sure was a classic show. Love ‘em! I look at many videos for this post, but nothing won me over. Then, pow – the Addams Family idea! Meanwhile, good fitting timely pick with the killed legislation. Thanks for stopping by and Happy Halloween!
rutherford b. hayes wins.
as for the “sexy” costumes – ugh. i can’t go into a halloween store with my own daughter without feeling like i’m exposing her to a slutfest. it’s so stupid that it’s embarrassing. and if women want to dress more slutty, then ladies please do it every day. not just halloween.
Rich,
Rutherford B Hayes seems to be a popular pick on this day. As for your sexy commentary – And that’s the way it was, Halloween 2012. Thanks for stopping by and Happy Halloween!
PS: Glad to hear you’re OK.
Sexyoutfit for me Frank – not literally!
Ginger,
Your comment makes me wonder how each of your cast of characters would dress on Halloween. Thanks for commenting and Happy Halloween!
I dread to think Frank!
Could be a future post … of costume and readers try to ID the cast.
Good idea – I’ll get thinking
Don’t need any Halloween when there is girls like Sandy around – scary stuff. Feel so, so sorry for the people that has got hit.
Viveka,
Very scary. Interesting how a category 1 storm can combine with other natural forces to become much worse than normal. Meanwhile, electrical crews from other areas are going to the area needing extra workers, which is a good thing. Thanks for commenting.
True … but it’s a high price to pay for personal lost. But natures forces we can’t do much about.
Frank,
You’re a good man, and for the Red Cross link and those who have suffered because of Hurricane Sandy, and for all these magnificent Onions headlines. I will have to go with “Tip: Be sure child closes eyes before drilling eyeholes in mask”, of course, which might explain my daughter…
Le Clown
Le Clown,
Dang … the mask tip got to you too late! Oh well … she can be a natural pirate. Arrrrrrrgh. Thanks for stopping by and Happy Halloween!
Woohooo – what a GREAT post Frank. All the headlines are too hilarious for words – love them all – can’t even begin to pick a favorite they’re that good. Thanks for starting my day off with a chuckle.
Mobius,
Glad you enjoyed so many of these, and you have made my effort seem worth it … Thanks! … and Happy Halloween.
The house haunted by its residents. Have to check the web for some of these people mentioned. I can imagine what they might represent in order to get the joke. A little humour in tough times is helpful. Best wishes to you all over there. Sounds terrible.
Cuttlefish,
Happy Halloween.
Totally agree that good humor can go a long way during tough times. Besides the east coast, the center of West Virginia is buried with snow! Thanks for commenting … and glad you enjoyed the haunted house reference.
Happy Halloween Frank!
I enjoyed the video blast from the past. :+)
“Best Selling Costume: Sexy Mother Teresa”
I heard this year the best selling costume is zombie yikes. I will soon see what the kid favorites are this year as they will soon be coming to the door.
Starla,
I too heard that zombie masks are doing well … plus Obama masks have outsold Romney masks. Good choice on your favorite! Happy Halloween to may Montana favorite!
Good Morning Frank! Hope all is well in your world today. :+)
Good Morning Starla … which coffee in hand (I assume). What time will your Thursday chat go live?
Yes you correct coffee in hand I was just going to stand up to get a refill.
I guess I was getting distracted reading comments before putting together Thursdays Chat.
That’s ok … meanwhile, enjoy your morning treat … meanwhile, coffee will go well with my travel post.
Oh Good I look forward to reading it. :+) I”ll be over in a bit.
THE FIRST FOUR!!! THE FIRST FOUR!!!!! And Rutherford B. Hayes..Hilarious!!!!
Zannyro,
Well … it seems quite a few of these tickled you today! So instead of the tutu for the dog, next year he gets to look like Rutherford B Hayes! Thanks for visiting and Happy Halloween!
Ha! Now THAT’S scary!
I’m just generating an idea.
Now here’s a comment to scare you…. I just now realized that the Addams Family did not begin with the movies in the 90′s. Happy Halloween!!
Twixt,
Oh my … now that is a real hoot! On the bright side, you have given me an idea for a post because I’ve tagged a great video for it. Thanks for visiting and Happy Halloween. Enjoy your time with your sons tonight!
Genetic candy corn linked to AIDS, please say it isn’t so….
Happy Halloween Frank! (again!)
Alex!!!
Keep in mind, The Onion tells the truth! Happy Halloween!
I like the first one the best about the tortured souls, not so funny, but sadly often true.
Christine,
Some of my favorite satire bits fall in the sad but true category because satire is great when it seems so real. Thanks for stopping by and sharing.
No-one dresses like Rutherford B. Hayes anymore. Our Thanksgiving is past. We will have to wait almost a month for yours to roll around so that we can be truly thankful for that. I see that The Great Pumpkin, John Erickson, is out on his bicycle after the storm, dispensing wit and wisdom. Great post!
Archon,
What! No one dresses like RBH even in Canada? Wow … I’m stunned. How well do you think a John Erickson mask would sell? Thanks for visiting.
Not at all – nobody would believe that horrific a visage could actually be a living breathing person!
Hey …. you aren’t Canadian! So let’s see what Archon thinks. After all, he could turn it into a big business.
Then show your papers to Sheriff Joe Arpaio because he wants proof.
Not sure I could get close enough before he opened fire. After all, I do still have a bit of my summer tan…
Well … Sheriff Joe is who he is.
And thank goodness for that! Could you imagine me trying to be him, or worse yet, him trying to be me?!? The mind boggles…..
I”m thinking the advice on how to drill eye holes in a mask is the best xx
Spiced,
That is unquestionably good advice. Happy Halloween! … oops … for you that was yesterday.
Hey Frank, Happy Halloween.
Glad you posted the ARC link. Those folks got a real fright this Halloween and need all the help your billions of readers can give!
My favorite this time, political geek that I am, must be: Capitol Hill Haunted by Killed Legislation
Elyse,
Thanks for visiting and Happy Halloween!
Glad to promote ARC … and will again in OITS. Meanwhile, that headline is a good one for a political junkie.
Happy All Hallows Eve Frank! Love Addams Family, favorites. I am with Elyse on this one for the Satire.
Val,
Thanks for stopping by and Happy Halloween!
No problem … well, as long as Elyse is willing to share.
Love the finger snappin’ Adams Family, Frank, great vid for Halloween. Trick r Treating has been delayed in our area until Sat. because of the aftermath of Sandy – a first!
As for headlines, gotta go with the Pittsburgh zombie thing. The iconic zombie movie, Night of the Living Dead, was filmed in Pgh – George Romero is a native son. One of my former comp students even wrote a Zombie opera, Nights in Quarantine, that was a big hit here.
Happy Halloween!
Lynn,
I know Sandy has delivered its share of rain to your city, so I hope all is well there.
Meanwhile, hope I could deliver a headline for your city as well. Love the extra info as well. Thanks for sharing and Happy Halloween …. and again on Saturday!
Capitol Hill Haunted by Killed Legislation – now that is a classic! And some of the bills are possessed by the spirit of greed and nonsense. Love it.
Renee,
For those us who like Washington is too full of themselves and self interests, yep – that’s a good one. Thanks for visiting and hope you had a good Halloween.
Nobody Dresses as Rutherford B. Hayes Any More–and more’s the pity! Isn’t the impact of Sandy just horrible? Looking at photos of the New Jersey boardwalk just breaks my heart. And tonight on CNN I caught a segment talking about some of the victims. I have a few bloggers I’m very concerned about…
Keep us smiling with the Onion through Tuesday, Frank!! Hope you are able to get out and dance this weekend.
Debra,
And I didn’t have any RBH costumes come to the door on Wednesday … and this is Ohio – the center of the election universe and RBH’s home state!
I know what you mean about bloggers from that area. As a matter of fact, I just sent one an email as a way of checking. Hope your readers are ok as well! Thanks for visiting.
(Trying to catch up on reading)
Love the satire list – needed some laughs after so many suffering from such a terrifying Halloween ( how odd is it that the storm came at that time?…reality check?)
Always loved the Adams Family – thanks!
Mouse,
Glad you enjoyed the satire list. Personally, I don’t draw parallels between Halloween and the timing of the storm … thus I see it as coincidence. And yes … gotta love the Adams Family!
Agree about the coincidences.Not only Halloween, the storm plus an agonizingly long election – might as well get some laughs out of it
Oh shoot – got interrupted and forgot – it’s 3 “horrors” 3! The scary number 3!
I’ve been expecting to hear something about that…only not watching media until after the election!
Now for a little Adams Family tango
LOL … here ya go … well, from the movie.
HA!
Glad you enjoyed it.