On Satire Bits: Vol. 34 (Halloween)

Hurricane Sandy has inflicted its share of horror upon many. Keep them in your thoughts and prayers. I encourage readers to donate to the American Red Cross or the charity of their choice to help with relief efforts.

Even with all the troubles, its Halloween and a mid-week dose of satire is good for all. In the spirit of this ghoulish celebration, I searched The Onion’s archives for fitting headlines. Enjoy – which is your favorite?

House Haunted by Tortured Souls of Current Residents

Blood Thirsty, Uneasy Ghoul Advocates Chocolate Cereal Consumption

Sexy Nurse having Trouble Finding Halloween Costume

Study Reveals Pittsburgh Unprepared for Full-Scale Zombie Attack

Unemployed Dad Channels All His Energy into Creating Running, Haunted House

Nobody Dresses as Rutherford B. Hayes Any More

Genetic Candy Corn Linked to AIDS

Tip: Be sure child closes eyes before drilling eyeholes in mask

Zombie Corpse of Scatman Crothers Speaks Out Against Telemarketing Scheme

Best Selling Costume: Sexy Mother Teresa

Jack-o-Lantern Debuted as Pumpkin Marketing Scheme

Capitol Hill Haunted by Killed Legislation

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81 thoughts on “On Satire Bits: Vol. 34 (Halloween)

  1. I don’t know, I’m torn between Rutherford B Hayes and Capitol Hill. While the “drilling the eyes” one speaks to my inner Stooge, though, I think I might have to follow the Y chromosome and go for the sexy nurse.
    You know, I thought I had a great costume for this year – foam shaped like a big drop of water, with a fan for wind. I was gonna go as Sandy, but then I saw somebody dressed EXACTLY the same, going as Romney….. ;) :D

  2. Love the Addams Family series.
    Must be something to do with the forthcoming election but my favorite Onion this time is “Capitol Hill Haunted by Killed Legislation”. But what is it with this Zombie craze at the moment???

    • Waters,
      Welcome first-time commenter. Satire is the rule here on most Wednesdays, so I hope you return. The other days offers quite the wide array of topics. Hope you return and thanks for taking the time to visit and comment. Happy Halloween!

  3. Addams Family was the best! Thanks for posting that great opening. As for the headlines, they are all great but given the upcoming election (a real horror story), I too will go with the Killed Legislation.

    • Patti,
      Addams Family sure was a classic show. Love ‘em! I look at many videos for this post, but nothing won me over. Then, pow – the Addams Family idea! Meanwhile, good fitting timely pick with the killed legislation. Thanks for stopping by and Happy Halloween!

  4. rutherford b. hayes wins.

    as for the “sexy” costumes – ugh. i can’t go into a halloween store with my own daughter without feeling like i’m exposing her to a slutfest. it’s so stupid that it’s embarrassing. and if women want to dress more slutty, then ladies please do it every day. not just halloween.

    • Rich,
      Rutherford B Hayes seems to be a popular pick on this day. As for your sexy commentary – And that’s the way it was, Halloween 2012. Thanks for stopping by and Happy Halloween!

      PS: Glad to hear you’re OK.

    • Viveka,
      Very scary. Interesting how a category 1 storm can combine with other natural forces to become much worse than normal. Meanwhile, electrical crews from other areas are going to the area needing extra workers, which is a good thing. Thanks for commenting.

  5. Frank,
    You’re a good man, and for the Red Cross link and those who have suffered because of Hurricane Sandy, and for all these magnificent Onions headlines. I will have to go with “Tip: Be sure child closes eyes before drilling eyeholes in mask”, of course, which might explain my daughter…
    Le Clown

  6. Woohooo – what a GREAT post Frank. All the headlines are too hilarious for words – love them all – can’t even begin to pick a favorite they’re that good. Thanks for starting my day off with a chuckle.

  7. The house haunted by its residents. Have to check the web for some of these people mentioned. I can imagine what they might represent in order to get the joke. A little humour in tough times is helpful. Best wishes to you all over there. Sounds terrible.

    • Cuttlefish,
      Totally agree that good humor can go a long way during tough times. Besides the east coast, the center of West Virginia is buried with snow! Thanks for commenting … and glad you enjoyed the haunted house reference. :) Happy Halloween.

  8. Happy Halloween Frank!
    I enjoyed the video blast from the past. :+)
    “Best Selling Costume: Sexy Mother Teresa”
    I heard this year the best selling costume is zombie yikes. I will soon see what the kid favorites are this year as they will soon be coming to the door.

    • Twixt,
      Oh my … now that is a real hoot! On the bright side, you have given me an idea for a post because I’ve tagged a great video for it. Thanks for visiting and Happy Halloween. Enjoy your time with your sons tonight!

  9. No-one dresses like Rutherford B. Hayes anymore. Our Thanksgiving is past. We will have to wait almost a month for yours to roll around so that we can be truly thankful for that. I see that The Great Pumpkin, John Erickson, is out on his bicycle after the storm, dispensing wit and wisdom. Great post!

  10. Hey Frank, Happy Halloween.

    Glad you posted the ARC link. Those folks got a real fright this Halloween and need all the help your billions of readers can give!

    My favorite this time, political geek that I am, must be: Capitol Hill Haunted by Killed Legislation

  11. Love the finger snappin’ Adams Family, Frank, great vid for Halloween. Trick r Treating has been delayed in our area until Sat. because of the aftermath of Sandy – a first!
    As for headlines, gotta go with the Pittsburgh zombie thing. The iconic zombie movie, Night of the Living Dead, was filmed in Pgh – George Romero is a native son. One of my former comp students even wrote a Zombie opera, Nights in Quarantine, that was a big hit here.
    Happy Halloween!

    • Lynn,
      I know Sandy has delivered its share of rain to your city, so I hope all is well there.

      Meanwhile, hope I could deliver a headline for your city as well. Love the extra info as well. Thanks for sharing and Happy Halloween …. and again on Saturday!

  12. Nobody Dresses as Rutherford B. Hayes Any More–and more’s the pity! Isn’t the impact of Sandy just horrible? Looking at photos of the New Jersey boardwalk just breaks my heart. And tonight on CNN I caught a segment talking about some of the victims. I have a few bloggers I’m very concerned about…

    Keep us smiling with the Onion through Tuesday, Frank!! Hope you are able to get out and dance this weekend.

    • Debra,
      And I didn’t have any RBH costumes come to the door on Wednesday … and this is Ohio – the center of the election universe and RBH’s home state!

      I know what you mean about bloggers from that area. As a matter of fact, I just sent one an email as a way of checking. Hope your readers are ok as well! Thanks for visiting.

  13. (Trying to catch up on reading)
    Love the satire list – needed some laughs after so many suffering from such a terrifying Halloween ( how odd is it that the storm came at that time?…reality check?)
    Always loved the Adams Family – thanks!

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