Mom, her sister that recently died, and my cousin
A recent post focused on where I went during my blogging break, but this post one is about why. Sometime this past September, my sister forwarded me an email that one of my mother’s two remaining sisters had died. Shortly thereafter, I realized that all four grandparents, Mom and Dad, and all my aunts and uncles had died – well, all but one – and one that I hadn’t seen in since 1964.
The thought of having only one person left on the family tree before me weighed on my mind for many weeks. I finally talked to my wife about what I had been thinking – the need to return to Italy, especially to see my aunt.
She asked questions, but to give her time to think, I didn’t bring it up again for about 3 weeks. Later, we agreed I would go during the time she was on a winter getaway with her sister.
Although I planned to go by myself, my wife asked if I would ask my sister to go along. I know that would be the right thing to do, but being that we are opposites, I knew 10 days was well beyond my 36-hour tolerance limit I eventually asked her because it was the right thing to do – Mama Mia, she said yes!
I’m proud of this pic in Florence
The trip was successful. All four first cousins not only greeted us upon arrival, but were active hosts treating us with wonderful meals, wine, and trips to classic Tuscan places as Pisa, Florence, Lucca, Cinque Terra, and San Gimignano. In my opinion, we were too active because travel and sightseeing wasn’t my goal. Then again, these are great sights and doing these things for us was important to my cousins!
One evening I went dancing with my oldest cousin and her husband. The same cousin also took me to the small village high on the mountain where my paternal grandparents lived. Heck, both of these experiences could be posts!
I saw my aunt every day. Even though I struggled with my words, I’m confident that she knew what I wanted to say – so in that sense, mission accomplished. I did get a chance to walk the city by myself, but not as much as I wanted.
As for my sister, no – we didn’t grow closer as my wife hoped … and once again, I will do the right thing by not saying much.
Frank, it sounds like all the choices you made were the right ones.
Elyse,
I think so too … including last-minute changes in this post.
I look forward to hearing more about it!
Caralyn,
More to come … possibly Thursday – well, if I can get it ready.
Going home is important, even with a sister you would like to leave at the depot.
Red,
… and you made you laugh.
Now that is a good way to say it!
“once again, I will do the right thing by not saying much.”—Yes, sometimes that is the wisest course.
Carrie,
I can say that the end was a last-minute change!
I hope that this important trip was essentially a success, even if there were moments when your sister felt like you were carrying 200 pounds of wet pasta on your back. That is a beautiful shot of Florence, Frank!
Lame,
Glad you enjoy the pic. As a nonphotographer, I occasionally get lucky.
Oh yes …. the trip was a successful … love you description of the wet pasta.
I used to work with a guy who said that everyone has at least one great shot in them. I think you have more than one in you Frank.
Thank you, Senora Lame!
So glad you had this adventure, and I salute you for bravery, doing it together with you sister. I can imagine that it wasn’t all that easy.
Shimon,
My patience was getting less and less … but continued to bite my tongue. Overall though, it was a wonderful trip.
You are a bigger person then me Frank. I don’t get along with my brothers, my sister yeah we are ok, but brothers nah. I don’t think I would have invited them.
Jackie,
I know what you mean. Possibly our relationship is more like yours with your sister … of course my wife says I’m not very tolerant.
Ah, but your wife didn’t grow up with her. It’s nice to be tolerant, but hard to do.
I know … but the trip worked.
I hope you do a post on your family village soon.
Debra,
That was one good afternoon … and I wrote the draft on the plane!
It was nice of you to invite your sister to come along and it’s such a shame your time together didn’t help you grow closer. How lovely of you to be able to go to Italy and get to know you cousins. It sure sounds like you had the very best time xx
Spiced,
The trip had a wide range of emotions in different ways – which in itself is exhausting! Overall, it was a wonderful trip.
Frank, blood does not always create close ties it does sometimes allow us to forge memories worthy of us and diplomacy we will value in the future. Ask me, I have 22 or 23 siblings (not sure). I chose, wisely I hope, to not say much of them.
It sounds as if this was truly a gift to yourself. One worth the time and effort. I am happy for you.
Val,
Many thanks for sharing your experience and the encouragement that comes from that.
Nice writing Frank. Expresses the wisdom of time and experience. Nice addition to your story.
Mobius,
Many thanks!
Maybe you didn’t grow closer with your sister, but it seems as though you became more accepting that this is not, at least for the time being, going to happen. Others rarely are exactly who we want them to be, accepting this gracefully is a key ingredient to a happy life.
Alex,
I can’t say we were ever close. She’s a good person, but just a personal irritant.
I understand, more than you may know. : )
I’m sure …. Meanwhile, I’m sure your morning coffee is going well … and hopefully it isn’t raining today.
A little drizzly this morning, but it should clear up nicely later…and I’m about to go in for my 2nd cup!
Right on schedule.
: D
Florence is a wonderful City Frank – some great memories made and no doubt for your sister to.
GFB,
Florence is wonderful, and yes – memories. As she looked through the windows for shopping, I looked above, down the alleys, and at the faces … now that’s how to see Florence!
My honeymoon started there, so it holds special memories for me!
Cheers to that!
Great photo of Florence, Frank! And I’m glad your patience held out during the trip…Your choice to do the right thing and not say much is also a wise one.
Cathy,
Many thanks …. but my tongue hurts!
I bet it does, probably your jaw, too!
I assume your sister does not read your blogs? And yet, I give you so much credit for A. Listening to your wife:) B. Being able to tolerate your sister. C. Knowing that going to Italy was the right thing to do, and not wanting to regret not seeing your aunt as she gets older.
Rachel,
Not only was going to Italy the right thing to do, so was asking my sister, who is a good person.
A trip that seems the perfect thing to do, Frank, and win-win all around. Though “being that we are opposites, I knew 10 days was well beyond my 36-hour tolerance limit” made me laugh out loud. Always good to know our tolerance levels
Lynn,
The trip had many more positives than negatives …. and it was right to ask her along.
You must have loved your visits to those amazing old towns and beautiful countryside. I would go there again in a heartbeat. I totally understand what you mean by “tolerance levels.” Seven days is my absolute maximum for most family members, and I’m sure they probably feel the same way about me.
As long as your trip accomplished what you set out to do, that’s what really counts.
Florence has been on top of my bucket list for many years – I have to go, because you talked me into it.
Sorry, that your sister and you didn’t come any closer – but that is life at times and I’m glad that your shoe got a chance to cry in Italy too. It’s a great photo, Frank.
Viveka,
Florence is beautiful … but also busy. Lots of shopping!!! Hope you get there! ,,, as for my visit, the emotions were A to Z … .and yes, tears more than once.
I can understand the emotions and Frank, we have the same right to our tears as we have to our laughters.
Viveka,
Thanks for the wise words.
My mum taught me that … when I was a teen.
She’s obviously very wise.
I am so glad to hear that you did this travel and meeting… And Italy is amazing country, I wish to visit again. Blessing and Happiness, love, nia
Nia,
Many thanks … and I recall that you loved Italy.
Frank it was the right thing to do… Sisters might not be tolerable.. but when they’re gone you miss them… I did mine… or maybe I just missed the automatic fight.. don’t know…
Bulldog,
Good point … and thanks for sharing!
You’re a better man than I – you can at least tolerate being in the same room with YOUR sister! Well done, indeed. And I can sympathise a bit on the shortage of relatives, as I only got to meet my father’s sister when I was VERY young, and only really got to know her husband. Seems that longevity is a trait sorely lacking in BOTH my parents’ family trees. Yikes! (Then again, my dad is still alive at the ripe age of 85, but he’s just too dang stubborn to die. Seriously. I can see him browbeating the Grim Reaper until the poor fool just walks away, leaving my dad alive out of sheer cussedness!
)
John,
Your dad is either a fighter or a stubborn fighter.
you tried. that’s enough to do. how well do you speak italian?
Rich,
Trying is a good point. My Italian is, at best, OK. But it did get better each day. However, my understanding isn’t more than decent. My immediately family was the full range with English – from being very good and not knowing any. But everyone was patient.
always amazes me how much english is spoken throughout europe. makes me feel dumb.
I know what you mean. Strangers that I encountered that didn’t know English were patient with me and appreciated my effort.I always started with this: Non parlo l’italiano bene, ma capisco bene.
let me try:
no italian parlor I like. My catfish, I like.
LOL …. I always started with, “I don’t speak Italian well, but I understand well.”
i like mine better.
Which, according to a translator, would be this: Nessun salotto italiano che amo. Il mio pesce gatto, amo.
oooh, i said a lot. thanks.
I should comment more. Maybe.
I’m looking forward to more photos, naturally. Great story, too. And I so completely understand the sister thing. oooh….. I should give mine her own blog.
Raising cup to You, Frank, salute!
Victoria,
Glad you appreciate the story. Whew … simply many emotions that were all over the map.
As for the photos, there will be more. I’m no photographer by any means, but I started looking at things a bit different, then suddenly I was able to see more! … so I started thinking beyond point and shoot … well, at least to think, point, think, and shoot.
I like emotions. It’s a genetic thing, imported from Sicily.
Love this!!! —> “I started looking at things a bit different, then suddenly I was able to see more!” And the thing is, when you can see, you only need a point and shoot.
I didn’t make adjustments in my camera, just zooming to frame … and came back with some good pics …. such as that one from Florence.
Here’s one thing I learned: My aunt said my emotions are similar to my maternal grandmother.
I’m an amateur, but I know what I like. That one from Florence, it’s crisp, clear, good colour, great composition, and full of heart. Like you and your grandmother.
Since we’re on the subject of Hearts…. Happy Valentine’s Day, Frank!
Happy Valentine’s Day to you too, Victoria!
pingback ask later? Sorry, Frank, I didn’t ask first. It’s not a ‘reblog’, but I did mention you in a post. I’ll remove it if you prefer.
http://justilluminations.wordpress.com/2013/02/14/thursday-4/
For you, not necessary.
Wow … a big smile from here!
Yay!!!! Me 2. Thank You.
Have a fabulous day!
Sounds like you made the most of the situation, Frank. Great story, and I’m sorry for your loss.
Rants,
It was a great trip, and thanks for the kind words of support.
Any time!
Two sides of a coin, your sister and your aunts and cousins.
did your sister get on well with the rest of the family?
Glad you could make the time to see your extended family, frank.
Guapo,
She got along with them without problems. I’m the one who is a bit different from the rest. But yes, it was good too see all, especially after so many years.
Great post. Great picture.
I understand that our siblings aren’t always our best buddy and 2 weeks can feel like a year in that situation, but I think in a few years time you’ll be really glad you shared the trip with your sister. You’ll be able to clarify things you don’t remember and laugh and cry over certain memories with someone who speaks your language.
Rosie,
What lies ahead only time knows … so maybe yes to your possibility, and maybe no.
Frank, are you my brother? I think we have the same sister….
Cyclist,
Too funny!
It sounds like a wonderful trip, Frank, even if it does include having to do the right thing by not saying too much. I have family members like that, too. I’m sure they’re here to teach me something.
Robin,
It was a wonderful trip, plus my cousins were great hosts! Yep, there were times when my tongue hurt from the biting, but I still took the high road.
This trip reminds me of the scene in An Affair to Remember where Cary Grant and Deborah Kerr visit his grandmother in Italy, I think. (Probably not one of your favorite movie references). I’m glad you were able to survive the trip with your closest and nearest relationship still intact.
Christine,
Simply LOL!!!