With my project out of the way and tax information in the hands of an accountant, now its on to a variety of tidbits of things to do.
Seems like it’s a long time since the last bit of mid-week satire. Even though I wasn’t posting tidbits from The Onion midweek or in Friday’s Opinions in the Shorts, I was still gathering headlines from my favorite satire source.
I have more than normal because most of these have something to do with relatively recent news. Enjoy. Which is/are you favorite(s)?
North Korea returns to normalcy with synchronize disco jump-rope gala
Disappointed couple on 8-month waiting list to get married at the Pentagon
Girls Gone Wild Bankruptcy forces thousands of wet, wild party girls into tough job market
Chicago man bushes mound of snow from beef sandwich before eating it
Poll: 99% of human beings prefer big, slippery hound dog pope
Transportation Secretary hoarding traffic cones and stop signs before the sequester
Iran promises to end nuclear program in exchange for detailed diagram of atomic bomb
Les Miserables wins Oscar for most sound
Obama and Congress must reach deal by March 15, and then by April 11, and then by April 20th, and then by May 1st
Bus transporting Carnival cruise passengers crashes into sewage treatment plant
Hung-over Energy Secretary wakes up next to solar panel
I-95 diagnosed with highway cancer
Ben Affleck nominated for best friend of Matt Damon
Dead iPod remembered as expensive
College freshman roommate has had excuses to go home every weekend since August
Millions of human beings experiencing emotions about JJ Abrams directing Star Wars
Rod Stewart passes for elderly aunt
I liked almost all of these headlines very much, Frank, but you definitely concluded this post with a gem: “Rod Stewart passes for elderly aunt”.
Lame,
Well, you know that this set is about twice as long as normal, so many good ones – but, wow …. I’m impressed with Rod’s voting power.
I’m with you Lame and I think the same could apply to Paul McCartney.
Doggy,
Auntie Rod is today’s clear winner …. but I will stay away from the McCartney comment because I know of some ladies who still swoon.
I love all of them and that the list is back. But the one that I enjoyed the most is “Transportation Secretary hoarding traffic cones and stop signs before the sequester.” Thanks.
Patti,
That ones causes me to chuckle as well, especially because traffic cones are starting to come into bloom in my area.
best was saved for last. rod stewart. eww. well done.
Rich,
Amazingly, I did purposefully place that one last … and wow … a runaway choice so far.
Rod Stewart deserves the win…..indeed!
Jots,
He’s winning by a landslide so far!
Girls gone Wild my personal favorite. So glad this is back!
Val,
Just more bad news from the economic slide … gotta feel sorry for the girls.
Again, too many to choose a favourite from! I’m leaning towards those girls gone wild
Kanerva,
Way too many, but it was catch-up time. Nonetheless, the Girls Gone Wild headline got to me too.
Ha! I like the Obama one most I think. Do you know http://newsthump.com/ It’s a UK spoof/satirical newspaper, a lot of the stories are of course about things in the UK so might be meaningless to those outside, but the first on there just now when I popped over was “Vatican’s papal conclave kicks off with heated debate about hottest new choirboy”.
Vanessa,
Woo hoo … Outstanding … another satire source. Love it. Just check it, so this is the one that got to me: Bacteria evolving resistance to antibiotics doesn’t affect us, insist creationists
Meanwhile, the Obama/Congress/Debt Deal one is awesome because it seems so real!
Iran promises to end nuclear program in exchange for detailed diagram of atomic bomb === surely this has to be a winner…
Bulldog,
The headline makes a lot of sense … just another example how good satire seems real!
For some reason the Energy Secretary one had me tittering Frank. Nice to have these back!
GFB,
Can you just see the picture dominating the news! Definitely a good chortle from me. (Thanks for using chortle somewhere in the past)
Chortle is indeed a great word Frank – and yes I can just imagine it.
Here’s the pic.
http://www.theonion.com/articles/hungover-energy-secretary-wakes-up-next-to-solar-p,31204/
They make a lovely couple!
love them all and especially the one about old Auntie Rod.
Rose,
Auntie Rod seems to be the popular choice so far!
I like the ones about Rod Stewart, Ben Affleck and the hound dog pope xx
Spiced,
Auntie Rod is by far the most popular today … but the hound dog pope pic is priceless.
http://www.theonion.com/articles/poll-99-of-human-beings-would-prefer-big-slobbery,31537/
Good morning Frank, and I’ll take ‘Hung-over Energy Secretary wakes up next to solar panel’ for the win. I like a bit of irony with my coffee.
Alex,
Well done … you need a pic to go with that headline … here ya go … http://www.theonion.com/articles/hungover-energy-secretary-wakes-up-next-to-solar-p,31204/
That is hilarious!
Glad it gave you a couple with your second cup.
Couldn’t stop laughing about Rod Stewart.
TBM,
A good one to mention at Friday’s pub.
Love the Korean one – can they ever be normal again … doubt it – I think they should do more disco dancing or any dancing for that matter … instead of do nuclear testing. Brilliant post again, Frank … I wouldn’t mind being Matt & Ben’s best friend neither. *smile – so funny this onion site.
Viveka,
The Onion is hoot … and Vanessa (see her comment) gave a link to something similar in the UK (which has good headlines and articles!). Meanwhile, you have sparked on idea for a future post about North Korea! Thanks.
North Korea .. is on HOT spot too … a bit too hot, for comfort for any of us. The thing is that they are dead serious in what they are doing and saying .. I would like to play with them at all.
Ah, Frank, thank you for these much needed laughs!!!
All excellent but Les Miserables did it for me most!!!
Marina,
Glad you enjoyed — yes, too many favs is related to the long list … good one about the Oscar nominated film with too much sound when Russell Crowe sings.
Impossible to pick a favorite!! Love the Rod Stewart..the Girls Gone Wild, the snow on the sandwich…and on and on and on
Zannyro,
The people seem to overwhelming pick Auntie Rod … but hey – the other two you mentioned are good too! … and yes, there are others.
My fave was the carnival cruise passenger bus crashing into the sewage plant…only because that is more than likely to actually take place.
Rogue,
I can’t imagine if that would have happen …. nonetheless, a good laugh for me.
Great to see the Onions back. A lot of good ones, I think my favs are the Hound Dog and Transport Secretary. But the winner has to be Rod Stewart
Fasab,
Many good ones in this extra long set – but Auntie Rod is clearly the people’s choice.
I’m a dog lover — I must go with this one — Poll: 99% of human beings prefer big, slippery hound dog pope and think fondly of that picture!
Elyse,
I would expect nothing else from a dog loyalist!
“Bus transporting Carnival cruise passengers crashes into sewage treatment plant”—Guess those poor folks haven’t suffered enough.
Carrie,
I got a big hoot when I saw that one shortly after the ship safely docked in Mobile!
It’s gotta be this one for me:
“Chicago man brushes mound of snow from beef sandwich before eating it”
I lived in Chicago, and the Italian Beef (which is what they call it) is one of my favorites even to this day when I don’t eat meat. I recall many a 2:00 am Italian Beef sandwich that was cooled down by snow (or the -40 degree temperature!). The good old student days of overindulgence. Thanks for the good memories, Frank.
Robin,
Now this is great … a favorite attached with a personal story. Awesome!!! … and image a moment of extra salivation to boot.
Yanno, as a fan of music when it used to be, well, music? I was ashamed of myself for thinking Rod Stewart looked like my friend’s aunt. Until now. You have exorcised those demons, sir. And just in time for opening day! Bonus round that one.
Cayman,
Ha ha … Poor Auntie Rod has received many comments on this comment.
Speaking of music, I hope you see my next post (probably within the half hour)
Honestly, I loved them all, Frank!
good to see you getting back into the swing.
After just seeing Al Roker poop his pants, I think the bus in the sewage treatment plant is the most ironic.
Archon,
Ha ha … using the another post to inspire a selection is good. When I first saw that headline, I laughed … and then to see another Carnival ship in the news this morning fits with your selection.
My combo pick:
Rod Stewart passes sewage treatment plant.
Mudge,
Poor Rod is getting picked on from all angles of the globe in this post.
Glad to hear you’re now all up to date with your chores, Frank.
Love the Rod Stewart funny.
Paradise,
Getting there … but more to do. And Auntie Rod wins by a landslide on this post!
For some reason I found the one about Iran agreeing to end nuclear program in exchange for detailed plan of atomic bomb very funny. But they’re all contenders, Frank.
Weebs,
A good chuckle by me too … but because of the numbers here, this is the toughest set to pick a favorite.
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