On Hot Sauces

Original Source Unknown

Original Source Unknown

A local grocery offers many oddities for shoppers. It’s a large store with many imports and hard-to-find items. I’m not one who enjoys serious heat with my food, but a trip to the hot sauce display is a source of cheap entertainment and a test for my content organizing skills.

Some name sauces after people as Crazy Jerry, Mountain Man, Captain Redbeard, Papa Jack, Melinda, Susie, and Dave.

Some sauces seek emotions for their names as Fear, Envy, Measure & Pain, Tropical Tears, Pain is Good, and Squeal Like a Pig.

Some sauces seek names from the dark side as Beyond Death, Sweet Death, The Ghost, Ghost Deadly, Red Ghost, After Life, Tortured Soul, Devil’s Lightning, The Reaper, Reaper Sling Blade, Liquid Lucifer, Pure Passion, Hot Sauce from Hell, Hell’s Passion, and Hell Sauce.

Some sauces seek fiery names as Fatal Fire, Ring of Fire, Jamaican Hell Fire, Hell’s Inferno, Mad Dog Inferno, Pyromania, See Jane on Fire, and Hot as Shit Hot Sauce.

Some sauces seek backside names as Ass Kickin’, Megasoreass, Asbirin, Ass in Space, Ass in Hell, Ass in Tub, Ass in Antarctica, JackAss, LazyAss, Hog’s Ass, Buttpucker, Butt Twister, and Brand New Asshole.

Some sauces seek names with results as Fiery Fart, Flamin’ Flatulence, Sir Fartalot, Queen of Farts, Old Fart, Red Rectum, Rectal Rocket Fuel, Rectal Ripper, Colon Blow, Holy Shit, and Screaming Sphincter.

Some sauces seek other sources for their names as Liquid Stooped, Hot Buns on the Beach, Pecker Power, Angry Cock, Peppers Hurt So Good, Sergeant Peppers, Bite Me, Crazy Mother Pucker’s, Sauce Bitch, and my favorite – Smack My Sweet Ass and Call Me Sally.

Which of these is your favorite? Viveka, did you find any potential remedies?

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80 thoughts on “On Hot Sauces

  1. “Rectal Rocket Fuel” about sums up a few that I have tested and subsequently rejected as being self-abuse at the top of the chart. I got into some habanero sauce once that about cleaned my clock. I think my eyes must have crossed and my beard was close to ignition. A tad of heat that adds some fun to food is a good thing. When the heat overwhelms everything else, it is time to retreat. For discussion purposes, I count a Wendy’s No. 6 (the hot chicken sandwich) to be entry level medium in heat. On the other hand, I have a friend who eats the small incendiary peppers in Chinese food like M&Ms. Great subject Frank.

    • Joe,
      Whoa! That would be out of my willingness-to-try range. Good point about when it overwhelms the taste. Meanwhile, I don’t like sweating when I eat! Glad you enjoyed this!

  2. My family always likes me to have plenty of hot sauces on hand. I don’t think we have as many down here with such creative names. I do like the sound of, ‘Squeal like a pig’ xx

    • Spiced,
      Well now … it seems your family likes a bit of heat with their food. I imagine there is a specialty with crazy-named sauces. After all, I can’t imagine Aussie humor passing on this opportunity.

  3. I like a hot sauce that has flavor and subtlety as opposed to just burning off the top layer of my tongue.

    And as seen in a restaurant bathroom long ago, “Wash hands after using. If handling jalapenos, wash hands before too.”

  4. omg never heard of those sauces and some of them sound very appetizing like Fiery Fart, Red Rectum, Rectum Ripper. Now who wouldn’t want that!
    They have every thing to make lazy bums get all fired up ;)

  5. Very interesting and amusing post, Frank. It would seem that the names on hot sauces might benefit from a rating system such as that offered by the Motion Picture Association with several possibly rated at least “R!” As for me? I like just plain old Tabasco!

    • Cathy,
      Actually, there are words on this post that probably mark their first appearance on this blog …. and I imagine there were ones that I didn’t record for a reason … nonetheless, it was worth a chuckle.

  6. When my colleague and I finished our unit on the study of heat and calories in physics, we then did a day long unit on hot foods. We brought a collection of foods and dips and sauces from very mild to ‘don’t even look at it’. First was a lesson on what made the food hot followed by how it is measured in Scovill units. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scoville_scale#Scoville_ratings_of_peppers

    Then, came the eating. Kids were invited to try out the milder ones. Cautions and warnings got more specific as we went up the Scovill scale. Of course, there are always teen aged boys who know better and had to prove us wrong. Well, we weren’t wrong. They paid the price. Lots of milk and dairy products helped calm the flames.

    It was a fun unit. Thanks for the new product suggestions for us to try at home, Frank.

  7. Hey Jim in IA,
    Thanks for the link to Scovill units. I have always wondered if a serious effort had been made to determine what you have shown. cool.
    Joe

  8. Great research Frank! Many of those names are hilarious! I last ate something spicy five years ago January, eight months before having to go on a bland diet or face a much faster death. Milton and I were having a weekend lunch in an Indian restaurant where I ingested something five alarm that seemed to sear a path through my entire gastrointestinal tract from the in-hole through the out-hole. That was also the year I was diagnosed with my plethora of gastrointestinal ills and no, I do not think that meal kicked off my health issues. But, it was a rude reminder that there was a significant problem deep in my guts that was not going away by itself no matter how much I tried to ignore it.

  9. Whao, there are seriously that many?! I don’t know about any of those ones, but I always have a bottle of Encona Hot Pepper Sauce at home; for it me it has a good balance of heat and flavour, I can’t cope with too much heat. I find there aren’t many meals that don’t benefit from a bit of Encona! I only ever use it as a condiment though, not as an ingredient, if I’m going to cook with chillies then I’ll use fresh.

    • Vanessa,
      That many? No … MANY more because I didn’t record all the names … just the ones that my fancy. Nonetheless, balance of heat and flavor is important to most people… but for some reason, to a few, it’s all about the heat!

  10. Frank, another brilliant post of yours – with my “sorry ass” at the moment .. I think the best thing for me is to stay away from any of those sauces.
    I’m amazed over all the titles on the sauces – we don’t have anything like this on our shelves. The names ???????!!!!!! Pure Passion sounds like a sauce that I could go for.
    But in all honesty I think those names are truly silly and the names wouldn’t make me to buy any of them.
    What a fantastic research and what a fantastic post. Thanks for the morning entertainment.

    • Viveka,
      The idea to include you in the post came to me at the last minute … after all, I knew your sense of humor would love it! This stores has quite the collection …. and many more than I listed!

  11. I’m semi-fond of “Hot as Shit Hot Sauce.” How’s that for redundant? Never tasted it, I must confess, but I enjoy a good alliteration now and then with a bit of profanity on the side. Great post, Frank!

    Hugs from Ecuador,
    Kathy

  12. I like spicy food, Frank, but as I as reading your post I could sense things getting hotter and hotter. Yes the names are amusing… but could I manage them all? I doubt it…

  13. lol! I’ve actually tried the one you favor, but the one that made me laugh was Crazy Mother Pucker’s. So did a few others, but I’ll leave it at that. :)

  14. I can’t go too hot, Frank. I like chipotle peppers, but they are more smokey than hot. The one I occasionally enjoy is called “Scorned Woman” and it’s hot enough for me. Hot sauce is a big deal in our Southwest Cuisine, and i have friends who will devour sauces I’m sure would permanently destroy my sense of taste! I love the names of all of them! :-)

  15. I love hot sauce–the hotter, the better. When I was a little girl I used to lick hot sauce out of my hand. My favorite is “Melinda’s” because they produce one that features the habanero pepper which is my favorite pepper. The funniest title that hit my funny bone is “Screaming Sphincter.” I’ve never seen that sauce yet, but I’ve had a couple that gave me the same result. :)

  16. Pingback: Some Like Their Food Hot | The JAR Blog...

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