On Satire Bits: Vol. 79

How’s your week going so far? Between funeral expenses, a plumber, and car repairs, I’ve been on a spending free of the unwanted kind. Good news is that I got three good hours of volunteering in this week.

Time: The Musical raises its curtain again on Wednesday at 9:30 pm (Eastern US). This act features Future Time, so song titles must include Future or reference the future, which allows room for creativity. However Tonight will is not acceptable.

My mind has been a little haywire recently, but the final act will be in January, followed by a prologue – therefore a new musical could debut in February!

On personal blogging note, about 4 hours ago (at 5:25 pm, Eastern US Tuesday), WordPress notified me that the last post (On Palaver) will be the Editor’s Pick for Freshly Pressed – but I don’t know when.

Let’s get on to your midweek dose of satire from The Onion. For those wanting an extra challenge, use the words in the headlines below to create your own headline. My combo is listed at the end. Otherwise, which is your favorite?

Have a good rest of the week.

25-ft-tall Asian women remain underrepresented in the media

Nation’s single men announce plan to change bedsheets by 2019

Girl with pink hair browsing iguanas

Personal trainer has desk

New skin cream to do something

CEO has special knack for recognizing great ideas and ruining them

Town nervously welcomes veteran back home

Friendly wildfire comes right up to Yosemite camper’s tent

Sleeping middle-aged businessman in airport suddenly so child-like, so vulnerable

Family’s horrific 45-minute screaming match ends in consensus to go to Macaroni Grill

Study: Average person becomes unhinged psychotic when alone in own house

Marketing department under impression Keebler elves are beloved part of American culture

My Combo: Underrepresented psychotic elves become unhinged personal trainers with pink skin

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77 thoughts on “On Satire Bits: Vol. 79

  1. Congratulations on being chosen for Freshly Pressed!

    I understand the money draining car situation, ours is a van. Who knew replacing the water nozzle on the front hood would cost a $100.00. Then add in general maintenance, I should probably take out a loan.

    Pink hair Asian Women suddenly so vulnerable.

  2. Congrats Frank on the FP news!
    This is a great blog & so deserves the recognition.

    My combo: 25-ft-tall Keebler elves with pink hair become unhinged psychotic when vulnerable.

  3. Congratulations on getting Freshly Pressed again, Frank. It was a terrific post, but it’s interesting how WordPress selects posts that are often atypical of blogger’s site. Would they give it to a classic cartoon post or one on handbells? We both know the answer to that. But again, job well done!

    • Lame,
      Interesting point. I recall thinking my One Instrument post explaining handbells had a chance … but didn’t … and some others as well. In that sense, surprises are good. Thanks!

  4. In honor of my visit to Bonaire this week, where there are many iguanas, I chose: “Girl with pink hair browsing iguanas” Oddly, these iguanas also have pink throat thingys (you know those wattles of skin? – I don’t know what they’re called)

  5. Good morning. We made it home yesterday. Good to be back. And, good trip. More later in posts w/pictures.

    Kudos to you for the FP selection. One of the prized ‘awards’.

    I don’t think my Onion machination will be very good today. Oh well…
    Screaming psychotic businessman welcomes iguanas into tent.

    • Jim!!!! Welcome Back!!!!

      Glad you had a good trip … and a safe one as well. But hey … your Onion combo makes plenty of sense to me.

      To catch you up a bit, you noted that Time: The Musical is the next post.

      Also, I have a holiday bash on Saturday … and I know I saw a gift with your name on it … and one for Melanie, too … so be sure to tell her to stop by.

      Thanks for the kudos.

  6. I cannot tell you how happy I am that you’ve FINALLY been Freshly Pressed, Frank! Congratulations!!! Have you drafted your Farewell Address now that you’re the outgoing president of the Not-Freshly Pressed Club?

    Of these headlines, I like the one about single men changing their bedsheets and the one about the sleeping businessman in the airport, but my favorite is the one about people becoming unhinged psychotics when home alone. I can’t think of any good combos, though. Maybe after another cup of coffee.

  7. Personal trainer has special knack for unhinged psychotic iguanas screaming to do something with single men. Congratulations on Freshly Pressed!!!!
    See you later with a song [2 actually - not decided which one to chooses!] :-)

  8. Freshly Pressed twice in the same year!! A good way to end a difficult year — and well deserved!

    Meanwhile, my headline: “Keebler CEO to announce special marketing plan: Pink Psychotic Iguanas”

      • good luck – I was in tears after the first hour but then I kind of just said wth and had fun. I got it when they didn;t give you more then a few minutes warning lol.. and slept through the first half day – I was unprepared and already behind lol – go figure ..you surely deserve it and I think before I put my foot in my mouth I will have to check something but .. I remember the comment you made on mine referring to friends of Guap – FP and something – and look here you are! Congrats and just keep smiling I will check it out in a bit and be quite understanding if you want to not reply to my comment right away ;-)

        • Great points. I recall last year I was notified just as I was sitting down for Christmas Eve dinner … and then I was away for 4-5 hours … and then Christmas Day … and it stayed on the front page for several days … and then the New Years time … it was hectic … but overall, it was a good feeling — although I don’t think it got me only a handful of new regulars.

        • It’s all coming back to me now! sorry for being slow ;-) i still have a list of blogs to visit from that one post..i did not get many more followers either and it cured a little of the want to be famous bug hahahahaha ..( it’s just a little teeny tiny bug that bites me i won;t lie but always quickly cured ) its always great to have new folks to read your words – why else do we write them eh? but better to come home to those who are the foundation.

        • Some click Like without reading … others click Follow with hopes you will follow them … Personally, I’m one who prefers people reading who are willing to interact … so I take that stuff very lightly.

        • I was a newbie – I got it now -I am amused at how I don;t even know the word count of my last post .. oh I have been slacking a bit but I’m still at it – a very good sign. also just a quick not e I enjoyed the handbell post you put the link on one of your comments in one of the last couple posts, I did see it but sometimes on my phone I can’t comment. so thank you :-)

        • i haven’t a clue it changes with me all the time kind of based on the way i feel about society and people in general at an given moment – i just realized your FP post ..well I commented there and I am going to give you a break – and not comment your ear off ..enjoy the rest of your day sir and see ya around ;-)

  9. Wonderful about the FP, Frank! It’s a great choice! I could not improve on this week’s Onion offerings. I think they’re all particularly funny, but I opted for, “Family’s horrific 45-minute screaming match ends in consensus to go to Macaroni Grill” as my favorite. I love the absurdity of each one!

  10. Reblogged this on Fiction Favorites and commented:
    My friend Frank Angle just got Freshly Pressed and well deserved. This is not why I am reblogging this great piece. Frank has invited me to a Christmas party at his place on Saturday and wants all my readers to be invited as well. So party at frank’s place. See you there. Oh Congrats on the Press Frank

  11. That’s awesome about your Freshly Pressed. Congrats, Frank!! That’s certainly a great pick-me-up after everything you’re going through. That’s great. I’m off to read it now. I, too, have been harried with the holidays. Today, I felt panic but it passed!

  12. I am so glad I am late to all the parties this week, my energy levels are low and I simply haven’t been reading till now. This is, I think a benefit though. First, congrats on Freshly Pressed, I cannot think of a single person who is more deserving than you. You are fabulous!

    I got to chuckle through your and everyone elses comments, I need that right now. I have nothing of my own. It doesn’t matter, I enjoyed everyone elses.

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