On Satire Bits: Vol. 84

It’s mid-week, and as I prepare this post, Cincinnati is in the midst of receiving a dose of ice and snow. Enough! No more! Uncle!

Also at this time is the highly publicize debate at the Creation Museum. Because of the location being in the Cincinnati area, media coverage has been substantial. For the record, although the interchange between science and religion is a high-interest topic of mine, I never considered watching it online.

With Wednesday being Nutella Day, I am considering a Nutella-style Fluffernutter for lunch!

On to your mid-week dose of satire from The Onion to supply energy toward the weekend. As always, those wanting the extra challenge can make new headline by using the information below. Think about using your knowledge about parts of a sentence as nouns, adjectives, and verbs. Thinking who, what, when, where, and why also helps. It’s easy! My combo is at the end. Have a good rest of the week!

Report: Americans lead world in compressing big sandwiches so they are bitable

High school elects 45-year-old Homecoming King

Sea World forces orca to perform nude

Breaking News: Congressman walking somewhere

Shirt a far-cry from medium it once was

Man smoking e-cigarette must be futuristic bounty hunter

Male substitute teacher with ponytail cloaked in mystery

Woman unaware she’s only person on acid at James Taylor concert

Man eats last 75 meals from container or carton

Store manager impressed by new trainee’s ability to ignore customers

My Combo: E-cigarette smoking bounty hunter with ponytail compressing bitable orca sandwich from carton forces unaware  futuristic store manager to attend James Taylor concert at Sea World with nude substitute Homecoming king

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81 thoughts on “On Satire Bits: Vol. 84

  1. It’s Nutella day at my house every day. These kids go through a mega container in a matter of a few days.
    Your combo has me outta’ breath. Not sure I can come up with one after that one!

    • RoSy,
      Being that your household are big Nutella fans, has anyone combined it with marshmallow creme? Meanwhile, I was putting the combo together, but it kept building and building!

  2. Man eats last 75 meals from container or carton and realizes that his shirt is a far-cry from medium it once was. See? Who, what, when, where and why? I wasn’t the Editor-in-chief of my highschool newspaper for nothin’!

  3. Your storm, is to be ours in an hour or so. The predication is 20cm of snow, to add insult, it will be pushed along with high winds. Bring it on! I’ve got two fire places in my igloo.

    From the onion, hmmm, seems hard to distinguish between fact and satirical with this offering, usually it’s not difficult.

    Your combo, has a aroma of gumbo.

    Backup to Creation Museum, I wonder if I should it visit. Maybe I could find who the heck responsible for pink bath tubs and pink toilets, Am sure both sides would blame the other -no one will lay claim to that one.

    BTW……..to answer your question from the other post regarding the colour of toilet paper. No it is not PINK, rather Dusty Rose.

    • Hudson,
      Ah ha … a throne room of complete Dusty Rose! … but I doubt if the museum will be able to help you beyond, “It’s God’s work.”

      Hope you survived the latest winter blast. Our combination of snow and ice allowed me to walk on top of the snow without sinking. Very difficult to shovel … so I gave up.

  4. Man smoking e-cigarette with ponytail forces orca to perform on acid at James Taylor concert. What do you say? I combined four in that one. I think that’s a new record for me! Sunshine out here with blooming trees! Stay warm and cozy. Hey, I know, try some fluffy socks.

    • Amy,
      See … it’s not hard! :) Well done. Stayed in much of the day, but shoveling was the most difficult of the winter. Very cold tomorrow … YUK! But heck, I’ve got plenty of packing to do inside!!!

  5. I remember trying Nutella years ago, before it hit the market here (my Uncle worked for A & P and used to get samples for us to try), not one of us in the family liked it. I am still surprised it is on store shelves, but everyone has different palettes.

    My choice: Americans lead world from medium unaware she’s only person to perform nude with futuristic bounty hunter.

    • Catherine,
      Nutella is an interesting taste, but like anything, different palates react different ways. Meanwhile, if the police are interrogating that woman that was with the bounty hunter, she may be panicking!

  6. We’ve got that ice and snow up this way as well! …anyone discussing yet a cross-country pipeline to redistribute all this water out to California? I’m pretty sure it’d be cheaper in the long run….

  7. Oh, please please could you send me a Nutella-style Fluffernutter asap?!!!! Your combo can’t be topped. :-) My humble contribution: Congressman to perform nude for futuristic bounty hunter on acid.

  8. In a stream of consciousness I’m crying UNCLE too today because of the snow And wore myself out this afternoon shoveling the stuff out of our driveway and a neighbor’s (you know them) Also dealing with the schools closed and not being able to take care of business there And wondering why the snow plows didn’t get to our street until 5:00 pm today Also went skiing last week with a relative-in-law (you know him) and found Perfect North ABUZZ about their hometown Olympic Hero Nick Goepper And hope to see the artist’s work you talked about today And hope to work it out to see a UC basketball game this season And wish you well on your move.

    • Tim,
      That stuff was horrible to shovel … horrible! … so I did what I thought was reasonable on me. Cheers to your neighborly efforts! Hope you make it to see this artist’s work because I think her style fits well with what you like.

  9. “Store manager impressed by new trainee’s ability to ignore customers”–I think i’ve met some of these people. I can’t possibly do a better job, or even come close, to yours, Frank. That’s a record number of words. :-) I hope you enjoyed Nutella day!

  10. I think you’ve got the winner this week again, but mine might actually be true :)
    Breaking News: unaware Congressman with ponytail at Sea somewhere in container smoking e-cigarette

  11. Your storm, please take it back! It snowed (and iced) in Dallas. Uncle! I don’t do winter well.

    I have nothing, yours is to good. Yes, I am late but I have had a visitor all week and so now am catching up with a weeks worth of reading.

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