On Satire Bits: Vol. 87

It’s midweek and my mind is fried. Between preparing two online presentations, dealing with packing, and not sleeping well, my mind is fried …  so I hope your week is a good one. But, I took care of myself on Tuesday by joining a friend at this bar that serves fantastic burgers! See the menu options here (and the Burgundy Mushroom is awesome!)

In the last Opinions in the Shorts I mentioned announcing the next act to Life: The Musical. A big oops on my part as my mind is elsewhere.

My mind is so wired that I can’t think of much to write, so it’s on to the mid-week dose of satire from The Onion to move you to toward the weekend. For those who dare, use the info in the headlines below to create your own headline … and as always, my combo is at the end (which doesn’t met the standards I set for myself). As tempting as it was, I avoided using “eating” as my keyword. Have a good rest of the week!

Local woman takes 15-minute break from being radical feminist

Photos unclear if grandpa having a good time

Inconsiderate woman on bus eating live tuna

Red Lobster welcomes back “Defrosted Shrimp Days”

Hip-hop man enjoys making musical rapping sounds

Dad’s tough exterior hides angry, resentful center

Delusional man somehow thinks he’s going to get Oscar nomination

Nation surprised it wants more John Travolta

Pee Wee hockey player wishes dad cared enough to fight at games

Netflix Instant thinking of adding good movie

My Combo: Musical man thinking of making rapping sounds to local woman at Red Lobster

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67 thoughts on “On Satire Bits: Vol. 87

    • Made,
      Welcome first-time commenter, but please excuse me for taking so long to greet you. I normally respond in a timely manner, but my life is a bit swamped at the moment. Hope your days are getting better!

  1. Is it wrong to say that I want more Travolta too?

    My brain is also fried. And it’s Tuesday. Tuesday. I don’t understand this, but I would feel better if the sun were shining. I think. Thanks for the laughs as always, Frank.

  2. You have a lot on your plate, Frank. I admire your dedication to posting when you have so much going on. Pee Wee hockey player wishes John Travolta would eat live tuna on bus. Take care of yourself!

  3. My week so far has not been fun, I’ve been fighting a bug. The eldest daughter has cheered me up by asking for my help learning WordPress (self hosted).

    I’m sorry your week has not been great. Your choice for the burger, is actually the same that I would have chosen, so good one chap. The peanut butter and jelly one, lets just say, would never be in my house as a choice.

    I hope the rest of your week improves Frank. I’m sure once your wife returns, life will be fabulous. :-)

    • Catherine,
      Ah ha … good for you looking at the menu. I’ve tried many of the items, so one can’t go wrong with a choice. Yep …. I’ve had the PBJ Burger …. it was good, but not my favorite.

      Cheers to your eldest asking for help with anything!

  4. Take a deep breath and think, over and over, – no lawn to mow, no grass to fertilize, no bushes to prune . . . . .

    Also thanks for the Burgundy Mushroom Burger recommend at Gordo’s. It must be good given your experience sorting out the real deals from the sliders.

    From what may be your all-time leanest list of Onion Headlines (I ranked last week’s your all-time best) I’m picking “Red Lobster welcomes back “Defrosted Shrimp Days” because of the last time I ate there.

    • Tim,
      Gordo’s has great burgers … FYI: My friend tells me that it’s crowded in the evenings. In terms of The Onion headlines, like any endeavor, sometimes you have it, and sometimes you don’t.

  5. good luck with everything Frank. It’ll come together at the end, but getting there isn’t fun. This one made me chuckle:Pee Wee hockey player wishes dad cared enough to fight at games

    my parents got really worked up and I always hoped they would just chat with the other parents and not watch. the grass is always greener.

    • Kathy,
      Everything is a matter of perspective, so yes … I have thought, “How did Kathy do this to move to Ecuador?” … (We’re moving about 7 miles) … so thanks for the positive vibes.

  6. You managed a fun post despite your constraints! :-) I can relate to “My mind is so wired that I can’t think of much to write” Frank. The year kind of started out like that for me. Just about trying to get back to a regular routine. Take care Frank.

  7. A burgundy mushroom burger and a craft beer sound great to me, Frank! This week I’ve been spread very thin, but at what I have going on is puny compared to you having to pack up and move. I hate packing and moving so much that has a lot to do with why I’m a barnacle to my apartment. A below market rent is also much appreciated.

    • Lame,
      Ah ha … so if you ever make it to Cincinnati, that’s where we will eat! Great stuff … but they no longer serve my favorite … the chocolate stout burger … that was awesome!

        • Good question … maybe … but I think it was a sauce … wow … really good! But they weren’t selling enough of the beer to keep it in stock for the burger.

        • I always hate it when something I like is kicked off a menu! Or worse, when a place I like shutters. To this day, my pal, Martini Max, laments a small coffee shop we used to go to on payday Fridays back in the 90s where we’d get this fantastic million calorie apple turnover and a barrel-sized English breakfast tea with milk (it was so long ago, yeah, I could still drink milk without suffering noticeable agony). The tea was not in a bag. It was a cute little ball with a string. We loved that ball. Then, Starbuck’s opened across the street. Cooper’s closed about ten seconds later. What a bummer.

    • Tom,
      Less fried? Yes …. still overly fried? Yes …. and then after moving, I get to unpack a lot! Woo hoo!!! Oh my … Saturday Night Hip-Hop Fever must be in the movie works! Thanks for stopping by … especially because I haven’t been over.

  8. “Inconsiderate Defrosted Shrimp welcomes Oscar nomination to fight John Travolta having a good time making rapping sounds.” I hope by now you are feeling better. Remember there is someone across the ocean who understands and sympathizes!!! Remember to rest! :-)

  9. I cringe at the irony of a place with burgers like that, named Gordos. The wife is wasting time on a sunny beach, when she could be popping bubble-wrap?? POP, POP, POP!
    Inconsiderate feminist tans, while delusional man thinks he can pack all alone. ;)

  10. My minds always somewhere else, so to me this changed Frank is normal.

    In this country, bars in the traditional sense are pretty much as scarce as bookstores.

  11. The entire menu looked pretty good, I would have ordered just like you. That one, yumm.

    Personally Frank, I am still awaiting your dance on the Bubble Wrap. Just think, stress relief and amusement all at once.

    Good luck on the presentations.

    • Val,
      I will only dance on the bubble wrap after unpacking because I have to pay for the stuff! After unpacking, it’s fair game! The presentations went well, so at least that’s off my plate. … Gordo’s is a great bar with good food …after all, the owner was an an assistant to one of the best chefs in the city.

  12. Oh, you went to Gordos! It looked scrumptious! (I would probably order a “Pub” with fries….but that mushroom burger…..mmm).
    Sorry your mind is fried, Frank! You have so much going on. Hopefully, life will settle down and you can relax for a few days!

  13. You’re a busy bee. Glad that you found a break away. That Gordo’s menu looks delish!
    LOL on the headlines as always. A special LOL to the hockey related one – as my two daughters play the sport. Both are squirts right now. But – in the fall – Alexandria will be a PeeWee. :) :)

    My combo: Pee Wee hockey player making musical rapping sounds to get Oscar nomination.

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