On Satire Bits: Vol. 89

Midweek greetings to you from Cincinnati. How has your week gone for you so far? All of us are transitioning seasons, but one must remember that our two hemispheres are in opposite seasons.

Spring has definitely arrived as budding and blooms are coming forth, warm has replaced cold, and the rainy days don’t bother me because I keep this past winter in my head as a reference point. Baseball has also started, golf fans will see the blooming Azaleas at Augusta during the week’s Masters, and my golf league starts next week.

After two weeks in the new home, our refrigerator finally arrived. The supplier originally set the store the wrong model, but the store offered and provided a loaner without asking! Cheers to that family-owned appliance store!

Although we completed our move, I remind myself that others are also in the process, such as Raye (@Jots), Debra (@Airports), and Georgette (@Georgette) … plus Marina (@Art by) did so a few months ago. My heart goes out to those fine people because moving is incredibly stressful!

With all that in mind, now is the perfect time for your mid-week boost of satire courtesy of The Onion. This random batch of headlines also provides a chance for the willing to create their own satirical headline from the words in the headlines below. My combo is at the end, so good luck and have a good rest of the week.

Lunchbox mostly medication

Horrified man suddenly realizes he’s putting down roots in Charlotte

Media company lays off dozens of unskilled bloggers

New study shows bones are incredibly cool

Content could be hotter, more social

Majority of office’s supplies used to apply for different job

Man moving to new city never took time to truly loathe surroundings

Newly-tenured professor now inspired to work harder than ever

Nation terrified after millions lose consciousness for 8 hours last night

Report: Girlfriend’s parents could hear everything

My Combo: Man horrified to hear media company inspired to make girlfriend’s parents incredibly cool

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63 thoughts on “On Satire Bits: Vol. 89

  1. Glad you’re done and back, Frank. And actually I welcome the arrival of baseball season; after my office move I am waaaay behind in blogging!

    • RoSy,
      The store called us about 5 days before delivery of several pieces. At that time, she explained the refrigerator issue, which would delay getting it by a week or two. I responded, “So I have to go without a refrigerator for a week or two?” … She replied, “Oh no … we will give you a loaner.” …. Very impressive.

  2. Glad to hear that your move is going well. It was a lovely spring evening after I got off The Grind, but I went straight home to continue to battling this Godzilla of a cold. It’s the phlegm-filled cough that makes me want to disappear — and I am sure others wish the same the second they hear it.

  3. Professor horrified parents hotter than girlfriend.

    I got my clubs regripped with an over sized grip. I hope it was a good move. Haven’t played yet. But, the time in near.

  4. A loaner fridge, that is amazing. You should have posted their name in your blog post, free publicity for the kindness.

    My sentence: Horrified man realizes lunchbox shows girlfriend’s bones

    • Catherine,
      They are a local company that relies on word-of-mouth advertising. They have been in business for many years, but we had never heard about them (until 4-5 months ago) … and believe me, we have told other locals!

      Oh my … what a lunchbox surprise!

  5. Your new refrigerator arrived – Hallelujah!
    I seek independent-moderate advice on my inability to sink 6 ft. putts now that I’ve discovered the secret of the golf swing.

  6. Cripes, how did it get to be Wednesday so fast?
    Glad your move seems to be done and your settling in has begun!

    I’m looking forward to live music Thursday and Friday nights, and then a long (hopefully lazy) weekend.

  7. I’m with you–I’ll take the rain as long as spring is here. I’m currently out of town, but the weather is similar to NE Ohio so not much difference. But nice not to need a winter coat!

    • Carrie,
      Hope all is going well for you at your current location. Whenever you hear people complaining about the weather this spring, remind them of this past winter.

  8. Good morning Frank! I have a few for you this morning….

    Study shows parents suddenly lose consciousness for 8 hours after new incredibly cool medication.

    Horrified Charlotte man realizes unskilled girlfriend’s millions are used mostly for lunchbox supplies.

    Report: Bloggers moving nation to loathe social media.

  9. So nice to know Spring is finally arriving where you are Frank, and those all important essential White Goods the ‘Fridge’… I have only moved Twice in my life time, and that was enough…. So fully understand just how stressful it can be.. My last move was when the children were 9 and 7 .. I think they adapted better than us to begin with making new friends straight away..

    Enjoy the rest of your week.. and thank you for getting over to Dreamwalker’s your visits much appreciated Frank..
    Thank you Sue xox

    • Sue,
      I haven’t moved many times either … and the last time was in 1987 … but wow … is it ever stressful! … and I can’t imagine doing it with children involved.

  10. Congrats on finally getting that frig! Hope your week is going well. We just got back from the beach. I’m trying to sneak in a visit with you before my workshop gets going. Sorry to be so rushed.

    Hugs from Ecuador,
    Kathy

  11. Man inspired by Girlfriend’s incredibly cool new company suddenly shows parents Charlotte, a city of terrified millions.

    I have no idea what that might mean, Frank. But I have fun trying!

    I am glad you’re getting settled in your new home and neighborhood. You are so right to characterize it as a very difficult time. Just going through my home and trying to downsize 40 years of accumulation is a big enough project. Actually relocating? I can’t imagine!

    • Debra,
      With spring upon us, knowing that I won’t be cutting fast-growing grass and spreading a large pile of mulch over two days is quite a relief … but still, a stressful time. At least settling in doesn’t have a looming deadline.

      You got me wondering what is in Charlotte that is so terrifying … could be pictures of Tammy Faye Baker.

  12. Report: Girlfriend’s parents could hear everything, are inspired to work harder than ever.

    So happy to hear you are settling in. Moving is stressful, always. I think it is right up there on the stress meter. Yet, I can’t wait for my next one, truly. What a great thing to do, loaning you a fridge till the right one comes in, this is the reason to do business with the small guys.

    Can’t wait to see pics of the new home, you ever going to show them?

    • Val,
      Oh my …. you headline is quite the image!

      This small business doesn’t advertise, thus relies on word of mouth. Their website is basic information, but a list of models and sales … and simply a delightful find. I’ve been here for 37 years, and never heard of them!

      Pics? Hmmm … maybe in time as we are still settling in.

  13. Congratulations on your move and now the best part, making new memories! My combo: Study shows millions took new medication to lose dozens of bones. Ha- imagine how fluid things could get!

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