On Satire Bits: Vol. 91

Warm weather is upon us, thus it’s time for golf league to start. Of course, we were supposed to start last week, but the league secretary graciously postpone the start due to miserable weather. How’s the weather been in your area?

How’s your week going so far? An interesting thing happened to me at this week’s handbell rehearsal. Since January, I have been playing some of the large bass bells. Keep in mind that handbells are made of brass – thus one of the bells I play on one song weighs 8.25 pounds (3.7 kg). One has to be careful, but I think it caused a mild hyperextension of my elbow.

The hyperextension and the start of golf league isn’t the best timing. As I always do before playing, I took some time on the practice range …. and to my surprise the elbow didn’t bother me, thus I played without any problems. The elbow area remains tender, so time will tell if it heals enough to be able to play this Sunday. Believe me – swinging a heavy piece of brass is much different that swinging a golf club.

Let’s move on our midweek-dose of satire courtesy of The Onion. Any favorites below? Don’t forget the extra challenge of making your own satirical headline by reusing the words in the headlines below. My combo is at the end. Enjoy and have a good rest of the week.

Coworkers currently G-chatting about you

Man spends weekend binge-watching neighbor

Study: More children growing up in single-parrot households

So-called Christian has erection

Report: Only 20 minutes until introverted man gets to leave party

Area mother doesn’t see why Thai people need to make food so spicy

McDonald’s now offering bereavement prices

Expectant parents throw some values together at the last minute

Dog held against will inside Skype window

Imperial inspector to arrive by railcar this afternoon

My Combo: Neighbor spends 20 minutes watching McDonald’s erection

About these ads

57 thoughts on “On Satire Bits: Vol. 91

  1. Oh, I hope your elbow’s okay. Years ago, I battled an elbow tendonitis for months. The only good thing about it was I couldn’t vacuum. Every time I did, it would flare up. So my husband did it. Yay! Of course, now we have teenage boys. No more vacuuming for me until they’re out of the house. As it should be.

    “Study: More children growing up in single-parrot households”—Tragic, isn’t it? ;)

    • Carrie,
      I can’t recall having an elbow problem, so this will be interesting. I imagine that this will take rest/smart use, so time will tell. For Sunday, I will probably add a brace … and may use mallets as a substitute for ringing the bell with my arms. Meanwhile, … and life expects those children to be successful at school and in life!

  2. Maybe it would behoove you to see a doctor about your elbow, Frank? Fourteen years ago, I whacked the daylights out of a bucket of balls at a driving range and also managed to strain the ligaments in my left elbow. It took months to heal. I have not been on a driving range since. I hope you make a speedier recovery, but in the interim, stay away from those handbells on steroids!

    • Lame,
      At this point, I think the elbow problem is minor … thus will improve with rest & smart use over time. The fact that golf didn’t bother it surprised me, but I won’t be surprised if healing is slow. … and yes … handbell playing could be an issue.

  3. Man spends weekend binge-watching McDonald’s need to make food inside rail car.

    Only 20 minutes until Christian has erection.

    Coworkers currently need man to leave the last minute spicy party

  4. I like your combo, Frank. Weather here has been gorgeous! I’m a little spoiled here I guess. Wow, the hand bell is quite heavy. That must be quite a little workout. Mine: Coworkers currently offering erection inside Skype window while eating spicy Thai food. (I made up the last part!)

  5. We drive a total of 1600 km to bring the teenage boy home, I won a little bit of money on the lottery, only to have our waterbed spring a leak while hubby was at work.

    Man spends weekend G-chatting inside Skype Window until co-worker has election.

  6. I got as far as “McDonalds now offering dog…” I was then going to bring something in about Thai people at that point, but then decided that was insulting and so became stuck. Ah well, I wish you well with your elbow anyway!

  7. Glad your golfing went well yesterday. Your swing looked great when I watched you warm up on the practice range, but I second your readers warnings to take seriously any further symptoms of “tennis elbow.” I got that from digging a gas line trench when we first moved into our house and it took me two years to get over it.

    Also liked “Expectant parents throw some values together at the last minute.”

  8. Take care of your elbow. I injured mine years ago and had to wear a sling for way too long. Now my left shoulder is higher than my right. Makes wearing dresses awkward. Not sure you would have that issue–the dress issue ;) Enjoy the nice weather.

  9. First, you know you must rest that elbow or you will be out for the entire season. Perhaps you should wear a brace for the bell ring and golf? Give yourself some support. It likely wouldn’t hurt.

    The Onion, I so love them. Here is my take.

    Man spends weekend binge-watching so-called Christian with 20-minute erection in Skype window.

    I know, terrible.

  10. Don’t know that I can top your combo–no pun intended. Glad your elbow is doing well and you are getting some warm weather. I will be in Lexington in early June. Hope I can see you somehow. I won’t have a car.

    Hugs from Ecuador,
    Kathy

  11. My Golf clubs are gathering dust in the garage I am afraid LOL.. its been a few years since I took a swing with Hubby.. lol.. It just got too much with my Fibro.. But there is nothing finer than a around of Golf.. I follow on TV… And as to the weather.. its been mixed.. Some days sunny. other days raining… today its been mostly sunny.. .. I hope you enjoyed Easter Frank… and enjoy your week.. :-)
    Sue xox

    • Sue,
      Sorry to hear that you had to give up the game that you enjoyed … and we too enjoy watching the tour on Saturday and Sunday afternoons.

      We had a very good Easter … and I hope yours was well, too!

  12. Ringing those bells is quite a work-out. You must have some nice muscles there Frank!
    Glad that the elbow thing didn’t bother you at the driving range. And – hope all will be well for Sunday. Enjoy the new season – Golf Season! :)

    My fave: Study: More children growing up in single-parrot households
    My combo: Expectant parents throw children inside Skype window.

    • RoSy,
      Yes … those big bells are difficult … but no … I’m not muscular … hence one of the problems – plus it was in my left hand (the weaker). But our choir doesn’t many who can handle those bells. Good combo …. and it would also work without the first word.

  13. I tried to ignore the “e” word, although it is probably implied,
    Expectant Thai mother currently held against will inside railcar spends weekend chatting about why people need More children.

  14. Those big ones could cause an elbow problem! Hope it heals quickly. End of the day, and feel rather like that pix – so will just enjoy the responses to this week’s challenge (Who could not laugh at the soon to be parent throwing values together at the last minute!)

  15. Dog to arrive at last minute, offering to make food inside spicy Thai railcar. I think there’s a children’s story in there somewhere. :-) Have a good weekend and rest your arm! I have never thought of a handbell injury before.

    • Debra,
      Now we have the Dog Chef courtesy of a dog lover. Meanwhile, other than playing flaring up arthritis in some, I’ve never heard of injury from handbells before … but I must say it hurt … and tomorrow will determine if I can play or not.

  16. You have a very interesting combo this week, could have been mine *laughing. Here is my combo; More children growing up throw their values together at the last minute.
    Wow, didn’t know that the bells are that heavy – that must be hard at the wrist.

Comment with respect.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s