On Satire Bits: Vol. 92

Storms rolled across the central US earlier this week, so rain came to Cincinnati -but at least we avoided the severe weather. I recently heard a report that more tornadoes occur in the US than any other country. Did you know that?

I hope your week has gone well so far. Errands, mostly move related, continue to dominate my to-do list. Interestingly, my post for yesterday wasn’t ready, and hooray … I didn’t panic! Meanwhile, the next post is Life: The Musical, with Act 3 featuring songs with first names in the title … so get your songs ready as curtain time is Wednesday, 9:30 PM (Eastern US).

Your mid-week satire is below, so hopefully something will give you a chuckle. Do you have a favorite? For that extra challenge, make your own headline from the words in the headlines below. My combo is at the end. Have a good rest of the week.

Elite congressman trained to kill legislation in 24 different ways

Expressing deeply held political opinion referred to a “gaffe”

Neighborhood much safer since mayor vanquished fire troll

Area man’s emotional state completely dependent on outcome of sporting event

Study: Exposing yourself in produce section still frowned upon by society

American obesity traced to one heavy-set Mayflower passenger

Unclear if grandma just friends with 81-year old widower

Humans display highest cognitive abilities when trying to retrieve object dropped between car seats

Study find Earth located in lamest part of universe

All of man’s time-wasting websites exhausted before lunch

My Combo: Lamest congressman exposes fire troll

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67 thoughts on “On Satire Bits: Vol. 92

  1. It was very cold and rainy here in the Big Apple today, Frank. So cold in fact the heat was back on in my building! That was discombobulating! I’m selfishly glad you didn’t publish yesterday because I’ve fallen behind on my reading. I have a lot going on this week, but I should be around for tomorrow’s post. Already thinking about songs.

    • Lame,
      On the oh-no, I recall that the heat will be really on in the approaching months. Meanwhile, plenty of songs for the pickings … heck, I’ve changed the opening act several times.

  2. I have been following the severe weather that has hit the USA on CNN… it is terrible the destructive power of the tornadoes…
    Neighborhood much safer since mayor trained to kill in 24 different ways.
    American obesity traced to one grandma friends with 81-year old widower.

  3. Elite congressman exposing deeply held political opinion referred to a “gaffe”

    We avoided all the weather here in North Texas which is unusual. I am so sorry for those who lost their loved ones in this round of weather. It seems to be getting worse.

  4. It is true the tornados are [MUCH] more common in the US than anywhere else, especially in terms of severity… Not to make light of what is a true tragedy for many, but I do think it is ironic that a country with a long history of blaming natural disasters on divine wrath incurs so many natural disasters itself.

      • Right, Frank. And lame legislation is not just imaginary. After our Democrat governor vetoed a similar attempt a year ago, the Republican-dominated Missouri legislature is again considering a bill to deny unemployment benefits to employees who are fired for “misconduct”, that being defined as:

        “wanton or willful disregard of the employer’s interest, a deliberate violation of rules, or a disregard of behavior standards.”

        What rules and standards might apply in any given case is apparently left to the creativity of of employers – the mind boggles at the possibilities. Apparently the party of small government doesn’t mind using government power to keep the rank and file docile. :smile:

        • One would also think that the party of lesser government wouldn’t be putting their nose into the business of others … OH … that’s right … it’s a way of cutting expenditures.

    • Catherine,
      It seems the fire troll was trying to roast some vegetables in the store!

      For Act 3 (Life: The Musical), find a song that includes a first name in the title … A Boy Named Sue … Johnny B Goode …. etc … However, no duplicate of the songs, but also no duplicate of the names used by readers in the comment. … Oh … once you have a song, paste a link to a video of it in the comments. EASY!

  5. Feel almost guilty about the weather here. Horrid and 95 Monday-but now bright, clear, and cooool. SO rare. Chamber of Commerce weather. We missed this batch of storms…we’ll get some of the others.
    Names in the title? hmmmm
    Trained to kill political troll, completely frowned upon by society, traced to one heavy set grandma trying to retrieve the lamest study of all man’s time wasting websites.

  6. Pingback: Thank You All! « LargeSelf

  7. Humans display highest cognitive abilities in lamest part of universe.
    It has been WINDY here for about four days, Frank. Feels like Fort Collins has been transported to Wyoming where the wind blows non-stop. It’s supposed to calm down Friday.

  8. Oh – A song with a name…So many out there. Which to pick?
    I have a few in mind. But – will see which one I choose. It depends what’s already there by the time I make my appearance. :)

    I thought that we were the country with the most tornadoes. But – didn’t know it to be a fact.

    My fave: Area man’s emotional state completely dependent on outcome of sporting event. (I know this man!)

    My combo: Grandma much safer since killing congressman.

  9. The statement “Area man’s emotional state completely dependent on outcome of sporting event” is not satire; Just ask the bruised and beaten at a soccer match or an NFL football game.

    The weather gnomes tell us that severe weather is on the increase. Something tornado stricken areas do not want to hear.

  10. Understanding that I sound like the nincompoop, “Study finds Earth located in lamest part of universe” wins out today in a close call with “Humans display highest cognitive abilities when trying to retrieve object dropped between car seats.”

  11. Lots of wet in NYC for the next few days.
    Meh.

    I thought it was already established in the Hitchhikers Guide that Earth was in an unregarded backwater of the cosmos?
    (And now I’m ashamed that I can’t remember the whole quote. Time to reread!)

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