On Satire Bits: Vol. 97

Greetings from humid Cincinnati. The area is in an unstable air mass, so spotty storms could appear at any time … and Wednesday is supposed to be the worst day.

I had a medical scare on the golf course today. One eye suddenly went very blurry and strange. I finished the hole, and started the next hole using one eye, then because there was no change and that I hadn’t seen anything like that before, I walked off the course, Being after 5 pm, doctor offices are closed … and I wasn’t crazy about going to the emergency room. Good news is that the doctor-on-call met me at the office, she reported no internal damage, and my vision is currently close to normal. Because we don’t know what happen, tests are in my future.

Meanwhile, life goes on, which means its time for the your mid-week satire. Don’t forget the extra challenge of making your own headline by using the words from The Onion headlines below. My “combo” is at the end. Have a good rest of the week.

Newly engaged couple receives incredible outpouring of insincerity from family and friends

Study: Most serial killers did not receive toy every time they went to store as kids

Man deeply suspicious after insurer covers prescription without hassle

Local man unsure how he ended up with boxing entourage

McDonald’s janitor would like to thank everyone who tossed half-full cups of soda into trash

Prescription bottle recommended taking 10 tablets if you really want to fly

Area man nervously ask girlfriend if she’ll settle

Sad man tears two bananas off larger bunch

Girlfriend, girlfriend’s brother look way too much alike

Fourth-grader with shark-tooth necklace must have killed Great White

My Combo: Area janitor boxing with serial killer after insurer recommended suspicious prescription of 10 bananas

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66 thoughts on “On Satire Bits: Vol. 97

    • Lame,
      Scary and weird … but normal this morning … making it more strange. Thanks for the support. Meanwhile, I had Milton in mind when I selected the cat pic!

        • Where as in where is that microscopic speck of sod on it’s Fantastic Journey inside Frank? Close to ten years ago I once got a glass shard embedded in my finger while labeling tile at The Grind. It has yet to incur any lasting damage other than widening that always growing hole in my head. I hope your health situation is equally anti-active.

  1. Sorry about the oddity with your eye–scary. Glad you went to doctor and will have tests! Cat photo is terrific, but as usual I love the Onion headlines. My version: Newly engaged couple unsure if they really want to fly with serial killers. [Those engaged couples can be such wimps!]

    • Patti,
      Thanks for the support … scary and weird … and all normal this morning … which adds to the oddity. Meanwhile, the newly engaged couple is oblivious to everything, and probably see flying as a chance to enter the Mile-High Club.

    • Raye,
      Good news is that my vision is very normal this morning … On the other hand, I wait for more information. Thanks for your concern … meanwhile, keep those roses looking great.

  2. Vision problems are always a bit of a jolt – we suddenly remember we could lose what we take so much for granted! Best wishes for a happy resolution Frank! Loved the laughing kitty – mine isn’t so happy these days!

  3. I always had a suspicious thinking about golf… I guess you damned forced your eyes to get an “eagle” ;-)
    Be keen on your health and take care during the Cincinnati’s stormy weather! Here isn’t better but some rain does wonder for the earth (and spare me a lot of time since I don’t have to sprinkle the garden).
    Serenity :-)claudine

    • Claudine,
      LOL … but eagles are hard to get …. and if I could have gotten one with one eye, now there’s a tale!

      Oh yes … very thankful for the rain … especially with the days of normally less rain ahead in July and August.

  4. I am happy you went to the doctor Frank, glad to see you have the intellect I give you credit for. Tests, good though all to often bothersome, it is as we both know better to be safe than sorry. Be well and do what they tell you.

    Humidity! Yeah.

    Newly engaged couple look way too much alike
    (You know I couldn’t resist that one)

  5. Oh my, sorry to hear about the eye. I hope it proves to be a one-time thing and nothing more. I’m sure it was a scary experience. Good luck with the upcoming tests.

  6. Frank, whew! Very scary. Do get the tests done – annoying, but do it. Share your views of ERs. Nice a doc met you.
    Will have to run back for headlines – and to read others. Seems like i manage to track your blog down either when 1)I’ve had waaaay too much coffee or 2) when it’s late and I can’t think. (There’s bound to be a middle point somewhere.) Always enjoy your antics…but watch the humidity and heat…the long cool winter/spring has made us wimps? Hasta later

    • Jim,
      Very well done … and you are very good at developing a new headline. Amazing where one can find clues!!!!

      I awakened this normal with normal vision … so who knows. Will keep all posted.

  7. Oh, that’s not good, Frank. Glad your eye returned to normal and hope the tests are negative for any problems. Your combo is so crazy that it could be true. :D “Mac Donald’s janitor must have killed sad man after he ended up with deeply suspicious bunch of friends and two bananas.” :)

  8. I’m sorry to hear about your eye episode, Frank. I hope it was nothing serious, maybe just a little ‘warning note’ telling you to rest a little. Sometimes our bodies find the weirdest ways to tell us to slow down and take more care of us. With the recent move you have probably strained your system… so take care of Frank!
    for this week’s combo:
    McDonald’s serial killers tossed newly engaged couple into trash after insurer recommended taking 10 tablets of soda.

    • Marina,
      Many thanks for the best wishes … and a “warning” is exactly what I think it is. Vision has been normal today, and I have a test on Thursday.

      Now that we know that McDonald’s is getting into the serial killer business, I will be watching for them … even though I don’t go there very often.

  9. Oh goodness. Yes – quite the scare. Hope all turns out well with the follow-up. Please keep us posted.

    My fave: Girlfriend, girlfriend’s brother look way too much alike.
    My combo: Man deeply suspicious after insincerity from family and friends.

  10. My husband started having “ocular migraines” that sound like you describe. Google it and see if your symptoms fit. He had one last year and one this year. They go away with caffeine.

  11. Pingback: Opinions in the Shorts: Vol. 223 | A Frank Angle

  12. Sad janitor deeply unsure if bananas killed brother. Nervously tossed into trash. :-)

    I hope you get to the bottom of whatever is going on with your eye…at the same time, perhaps it was a fluke! We’ll hope for that.

    • Debra,
      We have a potential for a movie … Attack of the Killer Bananas ….. In terms of the eye, I know it was no fluke as it as reoccurred … sometimes for less than a minute … sometimes of hours … so time will tell. Hope to know a little more today.

      • Frank, years ago when my husband was still quite young, he woke up blind in one eye. We were deeply worried. He went to two or three specialists before being referred to a retina specialist who took one quick look and said the optic nerve was swollen, there was no apparent reason, and “here, take these pills.” LOL! They were some sort of steroid, and within 24 hours his vision returned! It never reoccurred and we never understood it. I really do hope that whatever is going on with your eye it is simply taken care of. We are naturally very concerned when anything affects our vision! I hope you get answers without too much delay!

        • Thanks for sharing your husband’s story. I hope to return to the eye doc next week in search of answers. The whole thing about the eyes are that one can only describe that they see because nobody else sees it.

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