On Satire Bits: Vol. 105

Cincinnati is currently getting a second dose of abnormally wonderful weather for July. Warm and sunny days with low humidity followed by cool evening temperatures. The other day we had a record low (52 F, 11 C)! As one who doesn’t enjoy high temperatures with high humidity, I could take this all the time!!!

Reminder – Life: The Musical (Act 8) takes to the stage on Wednesday, 9:30 pm (Eastern, US) featuring songs with Man/Men or Woman/Women in the title. Good news … the choices are many!

It appears the golf course my wife and I have been playing regularly for the past 25 years (or so) will be closing at the end of this golf season due to financial difficulties. It’s understandable and the right thing to do, yet sad and unfortunate.

The marketing folks at GEICO have another version of the Hump Day Camel for you to enjoy, but this one is specific for movie theater attendees.

In order to get you through the rest of the week, it’s time for your mid-week dose of satire from The Onion. Any favorites? As is normal custom here, those desiring an extra challenge can develop their own headline by using any combination from the headlines below. “My combo” is at the end

Increasingly anxious man worried order confirmation email never going to come

Karate studio hoping to get local phone number that spells Kick or Chop

Man unaware all his friends think of him when they want to put things in perspective

Last-ditch dating website asks users to check “Yes” if they have open sores

Study: More couples delaying divorce until kids old enough to remember every painful moment

New Department of Agriculture study finds 85% of US farmers woefully kicking the dirt

God’s will only thing keeping AC unit in window

Report finds more Americans putting off children until companies are ready

Conversations pretty limited when friend not in midst of crisis

Man regrets straying from sour cream and onion potato chips

My Combo: Last-ditch website hoping anxious man delays putting off children until Department of Agriculture check open sores from sour cream and onion potato chips

On a Drug-Induced Monday

Courtesy of Mr. Redlegs Old-Style Baseball Hat and Mustache Giveaway

Courtesy of Mr. Redlegs Old-Style Baseball Hat and Mustache Giveaway

How was your weekend? Come on … tell us about something.

Whew! … We stayed busy. Time with out-of-town family kept us off the ballroom floor, but we hosted a dinner, shopped at a local alcohol warehouse, stopped at a local brewery, and I attended a baseball game with a friend while my wife painted with her family … so we stayed home much of Sunday. Cheers to my neighbor for relieving me of watering duties!

As I prepare this post, we have a tornado watch. The weather reporters have been making a big deal for the past two days about the passing of this front and the severe weather it could bring, but I think the severe weather will miss us … After all, I use a technique that isn’t very technologically advanced … LOTW …. that’s Look Out the Window. Nonetheless, it’s a bit odd outside at the moment, so I predict somebody will get it … but not us.

Life: The Musical returns this week as life moves to adulthood …. so song titles must include Man/Men or Woman/Women. Curtail time will be Wednesday, 9:30 pm (Eastern US).

Celebrations for your week

  • (Week) Salad Week, Don’t Eat Meet Week, Fancy Rate & Mouse Week
  • (Mon) Milk Chocolate Day, Hamburger Day, Gone-ta-Pott Day, Hepatitis Day, Buffalo Soldiers Day
  • (Tues) Lasagna Day, Chicken Wing Day, Rain Day, Lipstick Day, Cheese Sacrifice Purchase Day
  • (Wed) Cheesecake Day (1), Father-in-Law Day, Support Public Education Day, Paperback Book Day, Friendship Day
  • (Thurs) Cheesecake Day (2), Chili Dog Day, Uncommon Instruments Awareness Day, Ranger Day, Bratwurst Day, Raspberry Cake Day, Jump for Jelly Beans Day

Many thanks to Elyse for this interesting Monday Morning Entertainment. Enjoy and have a good week.

Opinions in the Shorts: Vol. 230

On Politics
Inside scoop is that Rep. Michelle Bachmann (R-Mn) is considering a 2016 bit for the presidency. Other than the entertainment aspect of her willing to make an ass out of herself, I say NO … A thousand times NO.

Shortly after President Obama’s 2008 election, I called for the removal of all top Congressional leaders. Six years later as all remain in their positions, approval ratings of Congress are pathetic, and they haven’t accomplished much …. thus I enjoyed this Paul Kane article about the Senate’s top leaders.

I appreciate this Robert Samuelson column about the government budget.

Sen. Chuck Schumer (D-NY) wrote this opinion piece on changing the primary system.

On This Week’s Headlines from The Onion
Study finds only 5% of Americans have correct amount of pride in country
Life guard would save drowning man, but who is he to play God?
Everyone in Middle East given own country in 317 million-state solution
Study finds high school students retain only one-third of obsolete curriculum of the summer
God pledges $5000 for cancer research

Interesting Reads
A Nik and Dick encounter (that’s Khrushchev and Nixon)
Interactive graphic: Middle East friendship chart
Size of iPhone: the company – a what if graphic
The ugliest churches in the world
Beethoven: The Life
Science findings and people’s opinions

On Potpourri
I’ve had several posts about the influence of German immigrants on Cincinnati. Here’s an interesting article that recently appeared in our local paper about World War I’s influence on the area.

My baseball team (Cincinnati Reds) are going nowhere.

Your weekend celebrations

  • (Weekend) Ukee Days, International Pinot Noir Celebration, Gilroy Garlic Days
    (Fri) Talk in an Elevator Day, Carousel/Merry-Go-Round Day, Lumberjack Day, Thread the Needle Day, Video Games Day, Candles on a Cake Day, Hot Fudge Sundae Day
  • (Sat) One Voice Day, Dance Day, Day of the Cowboy, Paddle for Perthes Disease Awareness Day. Coffee Milkshake Day, All or Nothing Day
  • (Sun) Take Your Houseplant for a Walk Day, Sleepy Head Day, Walk on Stilts Day, Scotch Day, Creme Brulee Day, Aunties Day, Barbie-in-a-Blender Day, Korean War Veterans Armistice Day, Parents’ Day

Life: The Musical returns next week, so I’ll announce Act 8’s theme on the next Monday Morning Entertainment post.

With family in town this week and over the weekend, my watering detail, and having a contractor in the residence, it’s best that I don’t have a Saturday Morning Cartoon post this weekend.

To send you into the weekend, here’s a pop R&B hit from 1976, which reached #19 on the Billboard R&B charts … I also owned the vinyl album. Enjoy Lou Rawls with Groovy People. Have a safe weekend and in the words of Garrison Keillor, Be well, do good work, and keep in touch.

On Satire Bits: Vol. 104

Greetings from hot and steamy Cincinnati … and that unseasonably comfortable weather pattern of last week is a mere distant memory. How’s your weather? And your week so far?

I’ve spent a lot of time volunteering to water two newly seeded areas at the condo. because of the size and slope of the second area, that will be a challenge … and the whole process is time-consuming.

Golf today was better than last week … but not stellar … however, (and once again) at least the company was good.

Let’s move along to your mid-week dose of satire courtesy of The Onion. It’s also time for the return of the combo challenge where you get a chance to create your own headline from the words in the headlines below. My combo is at the end, so select your nouns, verbs, adjectives, adverbs, prepositions, conjunctions, pronouns, and interjections in order to create your headline. Have a good rest of the week.

Word search called off

Universal Studios, Warner Brothers enter talks to reduce stockpiles of unproduced robots

Warm weather finally allows man to get outside, explore new ways to sweat

Coast Guard going to let stranded yacht owner sweat it out a little more

Man has no idea what to do with good mood

New PS4 feature allows user to close eye and imagine really fun game

Woman who changed self to please boyfriend enjoying happy long-term relationship

Cable executive’s one-man show now mandatory viewing for subscribers

Man realizes he’s beginning to stand for something

Mayan word for ‘Apocalypse’ actually translates more accurately as “Time for Pale Obese Fun Monsters’

My Combo: Stranded Warner Brothers sweat as cable executive in good mood beginning to imagine one-man apocalypse after Coast Guard called off search

On a Virtual Massage

I hope everyone had a safe and wonderful weekend. How did you spend your time?

Although we were not zooming around at the speed of light, we were able to do some outdoor work, spend an evening on the ballroom floor. attend a church-group wine tasting, and celebrate Ice Cream Day.

I was busy enough to not be able to respond to the comments on Saturday’s Foghorn Leghorn tribute post. Therefore, in an attempt to catch up on the comments and reading your blogs, I’ll only post the mid-week Satire Bits and Friday’s Opinion in the Shorts. No decision yet on Saturday Morning Cartoon Classics.

Celebrations for your week

  • (Week) Everyone Deserves a Massage Week, Independent Retailers Week, Zoo Keeper Week, Restless Leg Syndrome Education & Awareness Week
  • (Mon) Get Out of the Doghouse Day, Legal Drinking Age Day, No Pet Store Puppies Day, Hug Your Kid Day, Monkey Day, Tug-of-War Day, Junk Food Day, Creme Brulee Day
  • (Tues) Casual Pi Day, Penuche Fudge Day, Rat-Catchers Day, Pied Piper of Hamelin Day, Hammock Day, Spoonerism Day
  • (Wed) Hog Dog Day, Hot Enough for Ya Day, Gorgeous Grandma Day, Maple Syrup Day, Mosquito Day, Vanilla Ice Cream Day
  • (Thurs) Cousins Day, Drive-Thru Day, Tequila Day, Tell an Old Joke Day

Knowing this is Everyone Deserves a Massage Week, instead of starting your week with a chuckle, sit back and relax to a bit of Nirvana.

[youtube=http://youtu.be/DngV0tq1NFo}