On Satire Bits: Vol. 104

Greetings from hot and steamy Cincinnati … and that unseasonably comfortable weather pattern of last week is a mere distant memory. How’s your weather? And your week so far?

I’ve spent a lot of time volunteering to water two newly seeded areas at the condo. because of the size and slope of the second area, that will be a challenge … and the whole process is time-consuming.

Golf today was better than last week … but not stellar … however, (and once again) at least the company was good.

Let’s move along to your mid-week dose of satire courtesy of The Onion. It’s also time for the return of the combo challenge where you get a chance to create your own headline from the words in the headlines below. My combo is at the end, so select your nouns, verbs, adjectives, adverbs, prepositions, conjunctions, pronouns, and interjections in order to create your headline. Have a good rest of the week.

Word search called off

Universal Studios, Warner Brothers enter talks to reduce stockpiles of unproduced robots

Warm weather finally allows man to get outside, explore new ways to sweat

Coast Guard going to let stranded yacht owner sweat it out a little more

Man has no idea what to do with good mood

New PS4 feature allows user to close eye and imagine really fun game

Woman who changed self to please boyfriend enjoying happy long-term relationship

Cable executive’s one-man show now mandatory viewing for subscribers

Man realizes he’s beginning to stand for something

Mayan word for ‘Apocalypse’ actually translates more accurately as “Time for Pale Obese Fun Monsters’

My Combo: Stranded Warner Brothers sweat as cable executive in good mood beginning to imagine one-man apocalypse after Coast Guard called off search

On a Virtual Massage

I hope everyone had a safe and wonderful weekend. How did you spend your time?

Although we were not zooming around at the speed of light, we were able to do some outdoor work, spend an evening on the ballroom floor. attend a church-group wine tasting, and celebrate Ice Cream Day.

I was busy enough to not be able to respond to the comments on Saturday’s Foghorn Leghorn tribute post. Therefore, in an attempt to catch up on the comments and reading your blogs, I’ll only post the mid-week Satire Bits and Friday’s Opinion in the Shorts. No decision yet on Saturday Morning Cartoon Classics.

Celebrations for your week

  • (Week) Everyone Deserves a Massage Week, Independent Retailers Week, Zoo Keeper Week, Restless Leg Syndrome Education & Awareness Week
  • (Mon) Get Out of the Doghouse Day, Legal Drinking Age Day, No Pet Store Puppies Day, Hug Your Kid Day, Monkey Day, Tug-of-War Day, Junk Food Day, Creme Brulee Day
  • (Tues) Casual Pi Day, Penuche Fudge Day, Rat-Catchers Day, Pied Piper of Hamelin Day, Hammock Day, Spoonerism Day
  • (Wed) Hog Dog Day, Hot Enough for Ya Day, Gorgeous Grandma Day, Maple Syrup Day, Mosquito Day, Vanilla Ice Cream Day
  • (Thurs) Cousins Day, Drive-Thru Day, Tequila Day, Tell an Old Joke Day

Knowing this is Everyone Deserves a Massage Week, instead of starting your week with a chuckle, sit back and relax to a bit of Nirvana.

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On a Foghorn Reprise

With his classic, That’s a joke… I say, that’s a joke son, plus numerous one-liners, Foghorn Leghorn is one of my favorite classics. As a matter of fact, he was an early honoree here, but that was before I developed the format I now use. With that in mind, it’s time to give him this overdue honor!

Background
A large, friendly rooster with an overbearing personality

Created by Robert McKimson

Looney Tunes and Merrie Melodies cartoons for Warner Brothers

Original based on The Sheriff, a West Coast radio character, but after the growing popularity of Senator Claghorn, a classic radio character on the nationally syndicated Fred Allen Show, Foghorn followed Claghorn’s character

Original voice by Mel Blanc (1946-1987), followed by 9 others

Starred in 28 cartoons between 1946 and 1963
First: Walky Talky Hawky (August 31, 1946)
Last: Banty Raids (1963)

Walky Talky Hawky nominated for Academy Award, but lost to Tom and Jerry’s The Cat Concerto

Made a cameo in Who Framed Roger Rabbit (1988) and Space Jam (1996)

Appeared in commercials for GEICO, KFC, Oscar Meyer Hotdogs

Personal
Loves to hum Camptown Races, but only knew the words “Duh dah, Duh dah”

Appears with Henery Hawk – a young chickenhawk who usually is seen looking for a chicken to eat, but doesn’t know what a chicken looks like

Dog nemesis is Barnyard Dog (aka George P Dog)

Also appeared with Barnyard Cat, Bill the Weasel, Poppy and Elvis (Enjoy this classic rant with Barnyard Cat

In attempting to woo the widowed Miss Prissy, he babysits her son, Egghead Jr

Moves around a lot – one address is Cucamonga, California where he received a telegram from Rhode Island Red, but also flies south of the “Masie-Dixie Line” to get “out of the deep freeze and into the deep south”

Went to Chicken Tech and with his chum, Rhode Island Red

Grandfather to Feather Buster

Classic Quotes
Foghorn Leghorn has many classic one liners … enjoy the video with a collection, as well as the list below.

Okay, I’ll shut up. Some fellas have to keep their tongues flappin’ but not me. I was brought up right. My pa used to tell me to shut up and I’d shut up. I wouldn’t say nothin’. One time darn near starved to death. Wouldn’t tell him I was hungry.

Boys as sharp as a bowling ball.

Pay attention, boy!

Boy’s like a dead horse — got no get-up-and-go.

That boy’s as strong as an ox, and just about as smart.

That boy’s like a tattoo … gets under your skin.

Go away boy. Ya bother me.

This is gonna cause more confusion than a mouse in a burlesque show!

You’re doing a lot of choppin’, but no chips are flyin’. I’m cuttin’ but you’re not bleedin’!

Clunk enough people and we’ll have a nation of lumpheads.

Aaaaaahhhhh, shuuutupp!!

Nice girl, but about as sharp as a sack of wet mice.

That womans as cold as a nudist on an iceberg.

She reminds me of Paul Revere’s ride – a little light in the belfry.

Gal reminds me of the highway between Ft. Worth and Dallas – no curves.

Boy’s like a dead horse – got no get up and go.

That kid’s about as sharp as a pound of wet liver.

If kid don’t stop talkin’ so much he’ll get his tongue sunburned.

That dog’s as subtle as a hand grenade in a barrel of oat meal.

Look sister, is any of this filtering through that little blue bonnet of yours?

I’ve got this boy as figgity as a bubble dancer with a slow leak.

You look like two miles of bad road.

I-I-I know what you’re gonna say son. When two halves is gone there’s nuthin’ left – and you’re right. It’s a little ol’ worm who wasn’t there. Two nuthins is nuthin’. That’s mathematics son. You can argue with me but you can’t argue with figures. Two half nuthins is a whole nuthin’.

Enjoy the full episode of PoP Goes the Weasel (1953)

Opinions in the Shorts: Vol. 229

On Politics
Interesting how members of Congress are quick to criticize President Obama’s funding request for the Central American children at the border, yet providing zero funding solutions.

Boo to Attorney General Eric Holder acknowledging Nincompoop’s call for impeachment

House Speaker John Boehner (R-OH) represents a district just northwest of Cincinnati, so we much news about him. This week he had a guest column in the Cincinnati Enquirer. Not only did I not read it, I did not link it here.

Although partisan, I enjoyed this piece regarding the race for governor in Kansas, in which a current poll shows the Democratic challenger leading by 6% in a very Republican state.

On This Week’s Headlines from The Onion
Beard husks on sidewalk indicates start of hipster molting season
Man needs verbal assurance that hand stamp will get him back in
Study finds humans only animals capable of recognizing former self in mirror
Giant 6-year old devastates local ant community
Deadly super rainbow tears through West Coast
Putting ice cream in bowl momentarily considered

Interesting Reads
Columnist Dana Milbank on ADD politics
A disconnect between job requirements and worker skills
Brain Codes
General Patton motivational posters
Rise and fall of WW II’s Desert Fox
Cold Comfort: Granita

On Potpourri
Cheers to everyone for excellent participation in Life: The Musical – Act 7 (School). I hope to stage the next act in two weeks.

Friday is Nelson Mandela International Day, so I hope you watch this short tribute.

The Faraday Institute gives one-minute video to stimulate thought

I have a graduate school degree from the University of Cincinnati. A recent alumni magazine provided two sets of images readers to enjoy.

Your weekend celebrations

  • (Fri) Caviar Day, Nelson Mandela International Day, Stick Out Your Tongue Day, Cow Appreciation Day, Sidewalk Frying Day
  • (Sat) Celebration of the Horse Day, Toss Away the Could-Haves and Should-Haves Day, Hot Dog Day, Ugly Truck Day, Woodie Wagon Day, Ride a Motorcycle to Work Day
  • (Sun) Lake Superior Day, Moon Day, Ice Cream Day, Lollipop Day, Space Exploration Day, Hammock Day, Jump Day, Vanilla Ice Cream Day, Ice Cream Sundae Day, Ice Cream Soda Day, Daiquiri Day, Fortune Cookie Day, Nap Day

Another Saturday Morning Classic Cartoons is ready for Saturday!

To send you into the weekend, I’m following the theme of the latest act of Life: The Musical. Enjoy 38 Special’s Teacher, Teacher. Have a safe weekend and in the words of Garrison Keillor, Be well, do good work, and keep in touch.

Life: The Musical – Act 7: School

The Story
Life: The Musical is an original aFa production is a journey featuring songs of about life. Each act features an aspect of life as a theme with music supplied around that theme.

LifeTheMusicalProgram (Past Posts)
Act 1: Life
Act 2: Born
Act 3: Names
Act 4: Young
Act 5: Dream
Act 6: Teens

Act 7
Life … the time for the living to live. One’s life starts when one is born. Shortly thereafter, we are given something that stays with us no matter where we go – a name. Immediately, we are nourished, so we grow physically, mentally, and emotionally from babies into young children … and that’s when we start to dream about our future life. Growth never stops, so from children we move on as teens .. but school is still much of life at this point. Act 7 is about school, so subject songs must have any of the following words in the song title: School, Teacher, Student, College, a specific grade level (be careful), and compound words containing school.

Production Note
To prevent browsers crashing from loading too many videos, please 1) no duplicates, 2) include the song title and artist in your text, and 3) paste the URL as part of your last line (not a new line). The latter will provide a link, thus not embed the actual video … but I don’t mind unembedding, so apologies are not necessary.

Announcement
Ladies and gentlemen, this one will take you back to the early days of television and rock ‘n roll. As a matter of fact, our opening performer even brought his parents to tonight’s show. Let’s give a big welcome to Ricky Nelson singing Waitin’ in School.