On Satire Bits: Vol. 60

How’s your week going so far? I’ve been keeping busy, and had a blah-blah round of golf. At least our team is still near the top, but there is only a week or two left in the first half.

Here is some headlines from The Onion to energize your push toward the weekend. Any favorites? For those wanting the extra challenge, use the information in the headlines (and only these headlines) to create an original. My combo is at the end.

Have a good rest of the week.

There are people in the world concerned about the current state of hip-hop

Nation wonders how ad guys from Vitaminwater do it

Superstitious baseball players always steps into batter’s box before swinging at pitches

Woman places poison in orange juice at Starbucks

Area man likes to think of himself

Dad busy throwing seed or something on lawn

Woody Allen extremely busy updating WoodyAllen.com

17-year cicadas horrified to learn about 9-11

Picking thing up from apartment floor rescheduled for tomorrow

Man derives depressing amount of pride from hometown burger chain

Every glass in cupboard visibly filthy

Possum gazes Longley at family walking dog

My combo: Superstitious possum gazes at hip-hop, so reschedules swinging at Woody Allen for tomorrow

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On Satire Bits: Vol. 59

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I couldn’t resist using that video again this week.

How has your week so far? Have you had pleasant weather?

Tonight’s golf game was a feast-or-famine 9-hole event. I finished +7, but had four double bogeys (each +2). Simply bizarre.

By the way, a reminder that the next post is Time – The Musical: Act 3 featuring year(s).

For this week’s mid-week dose of satire, I dived into The Onion’s vault of treasures searching restaurants. Given the results, I decided to focus on restaurant chains, plus limit each chain with one headline. I even listed them in alphabetical order. Any favorites?

Have a good rest of the week.

Applebee’s manager stops by to see how takeout is going

Arby’s charging $2.99 to let customers go behind counters, grab handfuls of roast beef

Burger King introduces new healthy deep-steamed french fries

Chick-Fil-A debuts homophobic sandwich

Chuck E Cheese announces new lower prices, but restaurants will be dirtier

Dunkin Donuts/Baskin Robbins/Pizza Hut/Taco Bell/Long John Silver’s opens

KFC introduces new family-size nugget

McDonald’s unveils new senior citizens play place

New Starbucks open in restroom of existing Starbucks

Olive Garden server covered in sauce sprayed from customer’s mouth

Orange Julius officials ordered to appear before US Food Court

Ponderosa Steakhouse fire claims lives of millions of bacteria

Red Lobster taking up Vanguard in fight against women in the workplace

Taco Bell launches Morning-After Burrito

Wendy’s to phase out unpopular hamburger sandwich

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On Satire Bits: Vol. 58

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The commercial above makes me laugh. The first time I saw it I knew it was a “must use” with my mid-week dose of satire. Did you enjoy it?

Because Monday’s plans met the unexpected, I skipped posting yesterday. As many of you know, “not posting” doesn’t happen very often. Meanwhile, the past few days has brought comfortably warm, low humidity with breezes delivering a sense of coolness. Simply wonderful. For whatever reason, the golf game was much better form than the past three weeks.

On to our mid-week dose of satire. Those up to the challenge, make your own satirical headlines from the information below (and only that information). If not, that’s OK. Any favorites? My combo is a the end. Have a good rest of the week.

Everyone on flight annoyed by screaming Kid Rock

Becoming Red Robin “Burger Daddy” literally area man’s only way into woman’s heart

Co-workers with fluorescent bike vest treats office to fantastic light show

Future Christian Drinking and doing drugs thinking it’s one big joke

Website’s new layout feels like deepest betrayal

What should have been waffles eaten for breakfast

Local man knows he moved to city for something, but can’t remember what

Former tenant getting some pretty-urgent letters the last three weeks

Weekend encounter with co-worker never acknowledged

New study finds nothing that will actually convince you to change your lifestyle, so just forget it

Middle-aged funeral director buys flashy red hearse

USDA rolls out new school brunch program for wealthier school districts

My Combo: Red Robin’s “Burger Daddy” betrays local funeral director by buying flashy red hearse for Kid Rock’s lifestyle change

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On Satire Bits: Vol. 57

Greetings everyone! Hope all is going well for each of you.

My week hiatus is progressing, although I haven’t visited others as much as I hoped. Then again, my break isn’t over yet!

Since our last communication, we’ve made it to the dance floor, attended a euchre party, hosted friends, moved 10 cubic yards of mulch (that’s 7.6 cubic meters elsewhere in the world), played lousy golf, and a few other odds and ends.

Although this isn’t a normal week, I could use a dose of satire for my mid-week boost. For your entertainment, I went to The Onion’s archives in search of headlines about North Korea. Any favorites?

Enjoy – and have a good rest of the week.

“What we are doing is weird and wrong” says small voice in Kim Jung Un’s head

Kim Jong-Un announces plans to bring moon to North Korea

North Korea nukes self in desperate plea for attention

Kim Jong-Un interprets sunrise as act of war

North Korea returns to normalcy after synchronized jump-rope gala

Kim Jong-Un unfolds into giant robot

North Korea celebrates as Kim Jong-Un first man to walk on moon

Teen Newsweek reports North Korea is The Bomb

President sends Secretary of State to North Korea to do that condescending nod thing

North Korea tests short-range missiles on family and friends first

Visual Bonus: See storyboards of new Batman movie starring Kim Jong-Un

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On Satire Bits: Vol. 56

How has your week?

As storms pounded the central US this week, I recall this conversation with a long-time friend. He lives near Oklahoma City, so he deals with his share of tornadoes. I asked him if he ever gets used to them, and he strongly replied, “Never!”

I’ve had a busy week doing some needed things around the house. I a run-around as trying to fix my weed whacker is taking too much time. Toss in mediocre golf and only being able to visit a few bloggers, YUK!

In other words, I need a midweek dose of satire to energize the rest of the week. Which is your favorite? For those desiring to try your own combo, use the information for the headlines below (and only that information) to make a new headline. My combo is at the end.

Have a good rest of the week!

Freezing coatless woman has decided it is spring

Physicists confirm they have found and killed the God Particle

Amputee inspires others not to lose limbs

Jessica Simpson goes on tour to promote the novel she read

Mom hasn’t ordered favorite pizza topping in over a decade

Stars of cancelled show terrified fans will raise money for movie

Website’s new layout feels like deepest betrayal

Old refrigerator unable to control when it releases water

South Carolina defends right to fly Hardee’s flag from state capitol

Man wishes computer could do thing it already can do

Course sponge excited to join Smith family dishwashing team

Report: Saxophone still an OK vehicle for self-expression

My Combo: Jessica Simpson inspires fans by finding God Particle in Saxophone

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