On Satire Bits: Vol. 90

Hey hey hey … It’s Hump Day time! How has your week gone so far?

We went from a very warm and slightly humid Sunday to a cold Tuesday that delivered a chilling wind, low temperatures, and even some snow.

A reminder that the next post is Life: The Musical – Act 2 – featuring songs with born, birth, baby, or babies in the title.  A reminder – no duplicates. Curtain time is Wednesday, 9:30 PM (US Eastern).

Any favorites below? To go along with your mid-week dose of satire from The Onion, I hope you accept the challenge of making your own satirical headline by using the words from the headlines below. My combo is at the end. Have a good rest of the week!

Inspired man bolts out of bed at 3 AM to jot down great next worry

Drunken man careens wildly across internet

Distant planet terrified it might be able to someday support life

Co-worker who already breathes, chews loudly thinking about getting into arrhythmically drumming on desk

New study finds only 88% of guitar customers become famous musicians

Lapsed cult member only attends sanctum on major blood-letting days

Manic researchers announce they are hours away from cure for depression

Middle-aged waiter sadly not involved in any creative endeavor

Father marvels at how quickly kids growing distant

Subway employee still unnerved by high-pitched screech sandwiches make when cut in half

My Combo: Middle-aged Subway employee inspired by drunken coworker thinking

On Satire Bits: Vol. 89

Midweek greetings to you from Cincinnati. How has your week gone for you so far? All of us are transitioning seasons, but one must remember that our two hemispheres are in opposite seasons.

Spring has definitely arrived as budding and blooms are coming forth, warm has replaced cold, and the rainy days don’t bother me because I keep this past winter in my head as a reference point. Baseball has also started, golf fans will see the blooming Azaleas at Augusta during the week’s Masters, and my golf league starts next week.

After two weeks in the new home, our refrigerator finally arrived. The supplier originally set the store the wrong model, but the store offered and provided a loaner without asking! Cheers to that family-owned appliance store!

Although we completed our move, I remind myself that others are also in the process, such as Raye (@Jots), Debra (@Airports), and Georgette (@Georgette) … plus Marina (@Art by) did so a few months ago. My heart goes out to those fine people because moving is incredibly stressful!

With all that in mind, now is the perfect time for your mid-week boost of satire courtesy of The Onion. This random batch of headlines also provides a chance for the willing to create their own satirical headline from the words in the headlines below. My combo is at the end, so good luck and have a good rest of the week.

Lunchbox mostly medication

Horrified man suddenly realizes he’s putting down roots in Charlotte

Media company lays off dozens of unskilled bloggers

New study shows bones are incredibly cool

Content could be hotter, more social

Majority of office’s supplies used to apply for different job

Man moving to new city never took time to truly loathe surroundings

Newly-tenured professor now inspired to work harder than ever

Nation terrified after millions lose consciousness for 8 hours last night

Report: Girlfriend’s parents could hear everything

My Combo: Man horrified to hear media company inspired to make girlfriend’s parents incredibly cool

On Satire Bits: Vol. 88

Woo hoo! After a hiatus, the mid-week dose of satire (along with the combo challenge) is back for you to enjoy.

How was your going so far? On Monday I took a day for myself to go downtown for all the Opening Day hoopla. (I’ll report on that later). In return that means the rest of the week will be full of run around and more reorganizing.

Yesterday’s post about April celebrations included a BBC video about the spaghetti harvest. Coincidentally, the BBC also did this report about their 1957 … (or the post gave them the idea for the report.) A special thanks to Debra (at Bagni di Lucca & Beyond) for featuring my post in hers, which gave me a nice spike in stats.

On to the satirical headlines. For those willing to step up to the challenge, scramble the words in the headlines to make your unique headline. Mine is found at the end. Have a good rest of the week.

Spaced-out flowerchild groovin’ on a doobie wave

New leather-bound notebook to unleash area woman’s creativity

All-knowing invisible hand of free market guides millions in profits to nation’s bead stores

Hypochondriac maple tree convinced it has Asian Longhorn Beetles

Nation’s moms dance nude around moonlit bonfire to conjure spirit of Emma Thompson

Woman takes short, half-hour break from being feminist to enjoy TV show

Interns treated to informative 30-minute Q&A session with totally miserable employees

Laid-off man finally achieves perfect work-life balance

Nation’s lunatics lament rising cost of car meat

More Hollywood celebrities reproducing by asexual budding

My Combo: Spaced-out, all-knowing, laid-off, nude, hypochondriac lunatic profits from Q&A session with Emma Thompson

On Satire Bits: Vol. 87

It’s midweek and my mind is fried. Between preparing two online presentations, dealing with packing, and not sleeping well, my mind is fried …  so I hope your week is a good one. But, I took care of myself on Tuesday by joining a friend at this bar that serves fantastic burgers! See the menu options here (and the Burgundy Mushroom is awesome!)

In the last Opinions in the Shorts I mentioned announcing the next act to Life: The Musical. A big oops on my part as my mind is elsewhere.

My mind is so wired that I can’t think of much to write, so it’s on to the mid-week dose of satire from The Onion to move you to toward the weekend. For those who dare, use the info in the headlines below to create your own headline … and as always, my combo is at the end (which doesn’t met the standards I set for myself). As tempting as it was, I avoided using “eating” as my keyword. Have a good rest of the week!

Local woman takes 15-minute break from being radical feminist

Photos unclear if grandpa having a good time

Inconsiderate woman on bus eating live tuna

Red Lobster welcomes back “Defrosted Shrimp Days”

Hip-hop man enjoys making musical rapping sounds

Dad’s tough exterior hides angry, resentful center

Delusional man somehow thinks he’s going to get Oscar nomination

Nation surprised it wants more John Travolta

Pee Wee hockey player wishes dad cared enough to fight at games

Netflix Instant thinking of adding good movie

My Combo: Musical man thinking of making rapping sounds to local woman at Red Lobster

On Satire Bits: Vol. 86

Unbelievably, a warm wave has bestowed itself upon Cincinnati. In order to accommodate the melting water, over the past two days I’ve chipped away at the ice blocking the water flow … and hooray … it’s moving! The rest of the week will also provide some rain … maybe even storms … so now I wonder when the flood waters will arrive. Although I’m high and dry, I grew up in a river town that flooded.

The phone has dominated my last two days with necessary conversations with movers, utilities, our accountant (it’s tax season), banks, deliveries, and others. When I’m on hold, I kill time by packing some items.

Enough of my week, how’s yours going?

For those needing a chuckle, here’s your mid-week collection of satire courtesy of The Onion. For the daring, rise to the occasion of using the information in these headlines to form a new headline. My combo is at the end.

Have a good rest of the week!

Man doesn’t need to have fun to drink

Local company now 95% interns

Buddhist extremist cell vows to unleash tranquility on West

Man doesn’t know how parents ever going to payoff massive student loan debt

Man upset with girlfriend changes profile picture back to truck

Parents finally cave in and buy 33-year-old son PlayStation 1

Lunch rebuilds friendship ruined at last lunch

Report: Fritz a fine name for a boy

Man confidently hits “Send” on worst job application company ever saw

Individuals unaware they constitute area man’s support network

Man unknowingly purchases lifetime supply of condoms

My Combo: Fritz the Buddhist vows tranquility with lifetime supply of condoms