On Satire Bits: Vol. 55

After the cool weekend, the first part of the week has been wonderful weather. It appears one more day is possible before the rain clouds move back into the area – which also means get some yard work done!

The classic video of Lucy and the chocolates on the conveyor belt was a big hit. After others commented on the upcoming chocolate and wine event, I decided to declare this week as Chocolate and Wine Week. If you noticed, yesterday was a wine post.

For your midweek dose of satire, I searched The Onion’s archives for past headlines involving chocolate … and a bonus video. Any favorites?

20 idiots evacuated from Times Square M&M’s store

Half of sleeve of Oreos lost in house fire

More Vegetables evolving chocolate-sauce-filled centers as evolutionary imperative

Local resident like a chocoholic, but for booze

Ozzy Osbourne bites head off five-pound chocolate rabbit

Report: Double-stuffed Oreos could raise tolerance to stuff

Blood thirty, undead ghoul advocates chocolate-cereal consumption

Hershey ordered to pay obese Americans $135 billion

U.N. orders Wonka to submit to chocolate factory inspections

Chocolate pudding futures up $2 per barrel

Praise the Lord … and pass the chocolate

……

Chocolate and Wine Week continues tomorrow. Meanwhile, here’s a special video for chocolate lovers.

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On a Chocolate Monday

After some rain, cool temps descended on Cincinnati for Mother’s Day weekend. For us, we weren’t rushing around this weekend, which included time on the ballroom floor, evening at home for a movie (Contagion) and some good wine, our last Sunday morning handbell piece before summer break, and hosting my in-laws on Sunday while watching golf’s The Players Championship.

Enough of my weekend, how was yours?

I’m going to use chocolate as a theme to start your week. First of all, our church wine group’s next event has a theme of chocolate and wine. With that in mind, here is the memorable scene from I Love Lucy involving chocolates. Have a good week.

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On Satire Bits: Vol. 54

How’s your week going so far? I’ve got a lot of little things on my plate, so my visits are limited … and I don’t see much changing the rest of the week.

Tuesday night was golf night. Although my wife told me that it was one of her worst games in some time, I had a good one – which was a good bounce-back from last week’s horrible round.

On to the mid-week dose of satire. Do you have any favorites? Can you develop your own headline using any combination of the info below? My combination is at the end. Have a good rest of the week!

Barber just latest in string of humans to find interest in what area man says

Boyfriend forced to express second-hand outrage

Battle of wits with unwieldly burrito nears thrilling end game

Mother considers son “Quite the little Cassanova”

No one in gang has heart to tell his police informant his cover’s blown

Mom calmly emptying dishwasher as if big argument didn’t happen 10 minutes ago

Rigorous battery of tests unable to determine if roommate broke up with girlfriend

Company immediately calls job applicant upon seeing “BA in Communications” on resume

Boyfriend forced to express secondhand outrage

Attorney friends catch up while briskly walking down courthouse steps

Bizarre assemblage of shapes visible through area man’s pockets

Evidence piling up Mom slept with one of her college professors

My Combo: Bizarre girlfriend unable to determine unwieldly burrito in boyfriend’s pockets

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On Satire Bits: Vol. 53

It’s mid-week and I just came off a lousy round on the golf course. On the plus side, the weather and the company were wonderful.

How’s your first part of your week going? Hopefully, this boost of satire will send you toward the weekend with positive vibes. Any favorites?

For those wanting the extra challenge, use the information in these headlines (and only these headlines) to form your new combination headline. Have a good rest of the week.

Company lacks manpower to complete latest round of layoffs

Area man panics after “liking” 381 of his ex-girlfriend’s Facebook photos

Website humiliates itself

Talk of crackers makes local thirsty

Report: Chinese third-graders falling behind US high school students in science and math

Inspirational teacher cancelled out by every other teacher at school

Retired pope vows to continue drawing “Papalpuss” comic strip

Community mourns death of beloved drunk driver

Danica Patrick flood with fan mail from nation’s inspired girl

Nostalgic warden has seen 3 generations of family come through the prison

Obnoxious friend won’t stop attaining major life milestones

Child who just lost balloon begins lifelong battle with depression

My Combo: Retired Pope vows to talk crackers with Danica Patrick

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On No More Cabin Fever

Cincinnati had nice weather, which allowed some outdoor time. How was your weather and weekend?

Another full weekend with a variety of activities, such as ballroom, the movie 42 (excellent) , lawn mowing, chime accompaniment for the vocal choir, and substitute ushering at the Cincinnati Playhouse in the Park. The play (The Book Club Play) is a fun comedy delivering many laughs though a variety of interesting characters.

April ends this week, so with May upon us, I imagine spring is on the very-near horizon for all those in the northern reaches on the planet. With winter in the rear-view mirror, maybe it’s time to change the header. Hmmmmm?

With that in mind, cabin fever will be over of the northern hemisphere. Here’s a great video from many years ago regarding a cabin. Enjoy and have a great week.

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