On Satire Bits: Vol. 110

How’s your week gone so far?

With today being a dreary day in Cincinnati, I decided to start my quest of dedicating as much of one day as possible to writing. So, hey … I now have some posts already in the queue!

No golf league in my schedule means I get an extra evening at home. But, that also means I will prepare dinner. My wife had to leave quickly this evening, so I kept it simple – spaghetti with a personally made meat sauce with Italian sausage, onions, fennel seed, basil, red wine, and tomatoes – and then top the plate with crumbled feta cheese.

A reminder that the next act of Life: The Musical goes live Wednesday, 9:30 pm (Eastern US). Because we know life is more than work, Play (as in having fun) is the theme, so get your songs reading with any of the following in the title: Play, Playing, Fun, or a fun activity (such as swimming). The producer is worried about this one, so good luck.

It’s time for that mid-week boost of satire to give you a burst toward the weekend. You also have a chance to create your own, original satirical headline by using the words in the headlines below the image. Have a good rest of the week.

Going-out-of-business sign thanks neighborhood for 3 months of no support whatsoever

More couples using wedding drones to film nuptials

Entirety of man’s personal data protected by reference to third season of West Wing

Homosexuality only thing parent can accept about son

Employer totally botches job interview

New law requires welfare recipients to submit sweat to prove how they are looking for a job

Wife already knows the one thing she’ll say that can never be taken back

Drug company releases new drug to treat people who feel sort of weird sometimes

New Kindle helps readers show off by shouting title of book loudly and repeatedly

Groundbreaking young adult novel features protagonist who’s a bit of a loner

My Combo: Loner wife helps drug company treat wedding couples with no drugs

On Satire Bits: Vol. 109

I don’t know about you, but this week hasn’t gone as planned … not even close. Oh well, it happens. I initially planned the next act of Life: The Musical, but I didn’t provide the criteria on Monday. Once again, it happens – so I’ll push that into next week with hopes of remembering on Monday. That’s just an example of my blog life, but the first two days have been a bit more hectic than I planned. Oh well, it happens.

Enough of my week, how’s yours going so far?

On to your dose of mid-week satire to provide some humor to propel you toward the weekend. Below are headlines from The Onion. Is there one that you find the most humorous? For those wanting more of a challenge, try forming your own original headline with the words in the headlines below the pic. My combo is at the end. Have a good rest of the week.

New Toyota “Driver Easy Speak” feature helps parents yell at children in back of car

Guy in front of you ordering for entire construction crew

Grandpa looking absolutely precious in new baseball cap

Nation’s gratuitously sexual couples announce plans to wait in line at amusement park

Doctors say average heart attack victim doesn’t clutch at chest nearly dramatically enough

Area man somewhat disturbed to think perfect woman for him out there somewhere

Study finds college still more worthwhile than spending 4 years chained to radiator

Open-minded man willing to look past Jennifer Lawrence’s flaws

New study finds running 20 minutes each day could add years of soreness to life

Man hates being in position to think, feel, and act

My Combo: Jennifer Lawrence find 20 minutes to think, feel, and act like grandpa

On Satire Bits: Vol. 108

Depending when you read this, it’s either the last of September or the beginning of October – nonetheless, I say Hello October!

Being a new month you may have been expecting my toast to October,  but come on now … interrupt your mid-week dose of satire? But never fear, the October post is next.

My golf league is official over. It was a bit sad for me because today was our last night ever because the course that I’ve played for over 20 years is closing. Good news is that my partner and I are Second Half Champions, plus I think I also won an individual honor. Considering that my wife won her league, we are the House of Champions!

Reminder to all that I have a blog party on the docket for this weekend. The post will go live sometime after midnight Saturday (Eastern US) for the European morning, the Aussies and Kiwis lunch, and everyone else in between or earlier. I only host these when the occasion warrants, so hopefully my regulars will not only drop by, but hey … your friends are welcome.

Because it’s Astronomy Week, I dived into the deep, dark bowels of The Onion’s archives to find astronomy-related satire. Any favorites among these? For those wanting the combo challenge, make your own headline from the words in the headlines below. My Combo is at the end. Have a good rest of the week.

Astronomers discover massive asteroid that could wipe out life on Earth, force Nordstrom out of business

Astronomers admit making up Neptune

NASA to send Earth into space

Astronomer discovers black hole at center of own marriage

Intelligent, condescending life found in distant galaxy

Study finds Earth located in lamest part of universe

Mean scientists dash hopes for life on Mars

Astronomers say Earth’s overpopulated crisis will soon be solved by heroic meteor

Chicken-shit asteroid veers away at last minute

Extraterrestrial nerds contact Earth

Hubble Kaleidoscope finds evidence of space looking all crazy (Image below)

My Combo: Extraterrestrial discovers condescending life on Earth 

Image from The Onion

Image from The Onion

On Satire Bits: Vol. 107

Heeeeee Haw …. it’s the first mid-week dose of satire since returning from the blogging break!

Hope your week has gone well so far. Something odd happened to me on Monday. I was out and about during lunch, so thought I’d stop by Taco Bell for something fast. After ordering two items and a small drink, the clerk asked for $2.58 while handing me a small cup for my drink. Quick math told me that wasn’t right, but I obliged … then looked at the bill to see “Senior Drink $0.00″.

Cincinnati weather has been fabulous of late, which is great because our golf league is one of the few still playing. Both my partner and I played well Tuesday, so it will be interesting to see the standings going into next week’s finale.

Below the image is your dose of mid-week satire to deliver a mid-week boost toward the weekend. Which is your favorite? For that extra challenge, make your original headline by using the words below to make a new combination. It’s easy … focus on the nouns and verbs to get you started. My combo is at the end. Have a good rest of the week.

NASA announces plans to launch a chimpanzee to the Sun

Police department reduces cost by using same evidence for every investigation

Man confused by compliment from person whose career he can’t help

Person who will embalm you walking around out there

Voters clamoring to know if female political candidate a mother first

Man concerned he spread himself too thin between eating sandwich, watching television

Man in elevator in on conversation now

Man’s anxiety not about to let depression muscle in on turf

Area man knows exactly which relatives would be problem if he ever came into money

Roommates still don’t know each well enough to not speak

My Combo: Chimp plans to embalm political candidate who plans to launch mother in elevator to reduce costs

On Satire Bits: Vol. 106

Happy Hump Day to all. How’s your week going so far?

Since returning from the weekend trip, I’ve returned to my water superintendent duties for our building … which means I move hoses and sprinklers for several hours as our we and another couple in our building are assisting the builder so we can get a green grass environment … Plus, I’m trying to catch up on my blogging from the missed weekend.

Just returned from the golf course, and I was happy with my overall play tonight. Rest of the week has a variety of events scheduled, along with more watering. Then again, maybe mother nature will help out with some natural rain.

Because I haven’t given an eye update in some time, the issue still exists … but all is stable. I don’t see the retina specialist for another 5 weeks, so unless something drastic happens between now and then, it’s wait and see.

Moving on to your midweek dose of satire, as usual, the satirical headlines below are courtesy of The Onion. I’m always curious to discover when you have a favorite. For those ready to accept the extra challenge, create your own “combo” headline by using only the words in the headlines below. My Combo is at the end. Have a good rest of the week!

Criminal prosecuted to fullest extent of budget

Meat prices skyrocket after cow smashing machine gets all beefed up

Legal Dream Team of co-workers counsel woman on strategy for speeding ticket

Friend takes liberty of ordering $40 of appetizers for entire table

Elderly man can’t wait for senility to erase lifetime of regretful memories

Each line of MasterCard billing statement evokes infuriating vacation memory

Two dozen restaurant patrons made violently ill from marriage proposal

Area idea so crazy it just might work

Snowden: NSA agents pass around nude photos

Report confirms no need to make new chairs for the time being

My Combo: Legal Dream Team prosecuted crazy cow for speeding and smashing nude elderly man in new chair

On Satire Bits: Vol. 105

Cincinnati is currently getting a second dose of abnormally wonderful weather for July. Warm and sunny days with low humidity followed by cool evening temperatures. The other day we had a record low (52 F, 11 C)! As one who doesn’t enjoy high temperatures with high humidity, I could take this all the time!!!

Reminder – Life: The Musical (Act 8) takes to the stage on Wednesday, 9:30 pm (Eastern, US) featuring songs with Man/Men or Woman/Women in the title. Good news … the choices are many!

It appears the golf course my wife and I have been playing regularly for the past 25 years (or so) will be closing at the end of this golf season due to financial difficulties. It’s understandable and the right thing to do, yet sad and unfortunate.

The marketing folks at GEICO have another version of the Hump Day Camel for you to enjoy, but this one is specific for movie theater attendees.

In order to get you through the rest of the week, it’s time for your mid-week dose of satire from The Onion. Any favorites? As is normal custom here, those desiring an extra challenge can develop their own headline by using any combination from the headlines below. “My combo” is at the end

Increasingly anxious man worried order confirmation email never going to come

Karate studio hoping to get local phone number that spells Kick or Chop

Man unaware all his friends think of him when they want to put things in perspective

Last-ditch dating website asks users to check “Yes” if they have open sores

Study: More couples delaying divorce until kids old enough to remember every painful moment

New Department of Agriculture study finds 85% of US farmers woefully kicking the dirt

God’s will only thing keeping AC unit in window

Report finds more Americans putting off children until companies are ready

Conversations pretty limited when friend not in midst of crisis

Man regrets straying from sour cream and onion potato chips

My Combo: Last-ditch website hoping anxious man delays putting off children until Department of Agriculture check open sores from sour cream and onion potato chips

On Satire Bits: Vol. 104

Greetings from hot and steamy Cincinnati … and that unseasonably comfortable weather pattern of last week is a mere distant memory. How’s your weather? And your week so far?

I’ve spent a lot of time volunteering to water two newly seeded areas at the condo. because of the size and slope of the second area, that will be a challenge … and the whole process is time-consuming.

Golf today was better than last week … but not stellar … however, (and once again) at least the company was good.

Let’s move along to your mid-week dose of satire courtesy of The Onion. It’s also time for the return of the combo challenge where you get a chance to create your own headline from the words in the headlines below. My combo is at the end, so select your nouns, verbs, adjectives, adverbs, prepositions, conjunctions, pronouns, and interjections in order to create your headline. Have a good rest of the week.

Word search called off

Universal Studios, Warner Brothers enter talks to reduce stockpiles of unproduced robots

Warm weather finally allows man to get outside, explore new ways to sweat

Coast Guard going to let stranded yacht owner sweat it out a little more

Man has no idea what to do with good mood

New PS4 feature allows user to close eye and imagine really fun game

Woman who changed self to please boyfriend enjoying happy long-term relationship

Cable executive’s one-man show now mandatory viewing for subscribers

Man realizes he’s beginning to stand for something

Mayan word for ‘Apocalypse’ actually translates more accurately as “Time for Pale Obese Fun Monsters’

My Combo: Stranded Warner Brothers sweat as cable executive in good mood beginning to imagine one-man apocalypse after Coast Guard called off search