On Satire Bits: Vol. 84

It’s mid-week, and as I prepare this post, Cincinnati is in the midst of receiving a dose of ice and snow. Enough! No more! Uncle!

Also at this time is the highly publicize debate at the Creation Museum. Because of the location being in the Cincinnati area, media coverage has been substantial. For the record, although the interchange between science and religion is a high-interest topic of mine, I never considered watching it online.

With Wednesday being Nutella Day, I am considering a Nutella-style Fluffernutter for lunch!

On to your mid-week dose of satire from The Onion to supply energy toward the weekend. As always, those wanting the extra challenge can make new headline by using the information below. Think about using your knowledge about parts of a sentence as nouns, adjectives, and verbs. Thinking who, what, when, where, and why also helps. It’s easy! My combo is at the end. Have a good rest of the week!

Report: Americans lead world in compressing big sandwiches so they are bitable

High school elects 45-year-old Homecoming King

Sea World forces orca to perform nude

Breaking News: Congressman walking somewhere

Shirt a far-cry from medium it once was

Man smoking e-cigarette must be futuristic bounty hunter

Male substitute teacher with ponytail cloaked in mystery

Woman unaware she’s only person on acid at James Taylor concert

Man eats last 75 meals from container or carton

Store manager impressed by new trainee’s ability to ignore customers

My Combo: E-cigarette smoking bounty hunter with ponytail compressing bitable orca sandwich from carton forces unaware  futuristic store manager to attend James Taylor concert at Sea World with nude substitute Homecoming king

On Satire Bits: Vol. 82

Sometimes coinciding, serendipitous events seem too good to be true.

First of all, it’s time for a Satire Bits post. Secondly, January is Polka Music Month. Thirdly, January 23 is the anniversary of Holy Roman Emperor Charles VI (in 1719) issuing a decree forming Liechtenstein. So let’s start the mid-week energy boost by imagining Guapo, Bulldog, and GingerFightBack wearing lederhosen while leading everyone in song and dance to the Liechtensteiner Polka. Any ladies want to volunteering wearing Bavarian Dirndl for the occasion? Who knows how to dance to a polka?

Celebration Alert:For fearing nothing to celebrate today, Wednesday is Blonde Brownie Day and Answer Your Cat’s Questions Day!

How has your week been so far? Besides getting hit with more snow, I’ve been hit with a dose of the frazzles, but I’m confident that all will be fine.

A reminder that Time: The Musical is scheduled as a prologue. Do you have a special song associated with a special moment? Well now … that may come in handy. If not, there could be other options. Curtain time is Wednesday, 9:30 PM (Eastern USA).

Let’s move on to your mid-week dose of satire courtesy of The Onion. Any favorites? There’s also the challenge of developing your very own satirical headline by using the information from the headlines below. My combo is at the end. Enjoy … and have a good rest of the week.

Anonymous source tells reporters he is tired of being Speaker of the House

Five-year-old reluctantly lets crying mom sleep in his bed again

Unclear if fountain is the type allowed to run around in

Police deploys fancy-clothed cop

CEO worked way up from Son of CEO

Scientists teach sign language to gorilla-suit-wearing man

Enzyme humbled to have played part in successful biochemical reaction

Airline part of something called Star Alliance

27-year-old lies about every single aspect of his life to keep parents from worrying

Fun-loving, laid-back woman with a bit of a nerdy side joins online dating service

My Combo: Laid-back anonymous CEO wearing gorilla suit crying after he joins 27-year-old fancy-clothed, anonymous cop in bed

On Satire Bits: Vol. 81

We’ve reached the middle of the week, how was the start of your week?

With the recent house news, mine has been a whirlwind, thus causing me to be late with this post. Because the rest of the week will be full of must-do-now items as interviewing movers, dealing with inspections, securing a bank loan, and normal aspects of life, I will skip a post – thus return with Friday’s Opinions in the Shorts.

Let’s move on to your mid-week dose of satire from The Onion. Which of these gave you the best chuckle? For that extra challenge, use the words in the headlines below to make a new headline that is uniquely yours. Mine is at the end.

Have a good rest of the week.

Fanatically devoted nerd could potentially turn on Simon Pegg at any moment

High school freshman thinks Romeo and Juliet might be her favorite play

Intern strikes relationship with least-respected employee

Family watches in silence as dad checks out waitress

Man points out town where he threw up

Fish at pretty good place in life right now

Extremely vibrant town capable of supporting two Buffalo Wild Wings

Woman puts Cool Whip containers to every conceivable use

Area man admits being chocoholic but for booze

Neighborhood children gear up for highly anticipated opening of gerbil’s tomb

Internet collapses under sheer weight of baby pictures

Entire office clamoring to be introduced to co-worker’s parents

My Combo: Romeo puts Cool Whip on Juliet

On Satire Bits: Vol. 80

The cold blast is in the process of celebrating Elvis’s birthday by leaving the building. Well, that’s for me, but the US east coast is still feeling the blast.

How your week going so far? Mine has been a bit hectic, thus why you haven’t been making my rounds as much this week.

A reminder to all that the next post is Time: The Musical (Act 12). With Seasons as the theme, song title must include season(s), fall/autumn, winter, spring, or summer in the title – but not in the form of a compound word as summertime. Something else to mull over, be careful of using fall in a context that isn’t a season. Curtain time is Wednesday, 9:30 PM (Eastern USA).

It’s time for the first mid-week dose of satire of 2014! It’s also the first opportunity to accept the creative challenge by forming your very own original satirical headline. But, here’s the twist to the challenge – You can only use the words in the headlines below. My original combo is at the end of the live.

Have a good rest of the week!

Terrified Obama inside healthcare.gov

Woman builds ironclad case proving Mila Kunis look bad without makeup

Billboard alerts drivers to existence of situation comedy starring stand-up comedian Jerry Seinfeld

Apple unveils panicked man with no ideas

New poll finds Americans view death of close relatives more favorably than Congress

Department of Agriculture locates perfect goat

Hostage freed after tense 7-minute standup set

Intricacies of meal plan discussed

Boardroom table a complex web of feet massaging genitals

Dad actually yelled at that guy

David Bowie asks Iman if they should just do lasagna again

Nobody knows what third light switch does

My Combo: Hostage terrified of panicked goat massaging genitals for 7 minutes

Opinions in the Shorts: Vol. 204

On Politics
This is my response to politicians who claim to be public servants. Public service isn’t about playing games, thus those who play are not public servants.

The IRS now desires to limit the connection between political activity and tax-exempt status. Although I support curbs, I’m amazed that the IRS deemed these groups as one’s “to promote the social welfare.” What a bunch of crap!

Even though they set the bar low, cheers to Sen. Murray (D-OR) and Rep. Ryan (R-WS) on getting something done the old-fashioned way. Cheers also to Speaker John Boehner (R-OH) for speaking out against the conservation Political Action Groups – but jeers to the predictable cranks.

President Obama’s handshake with Raul Castro didn’t bother me. Besides, President Obama delivered a zinger in his speech – so why not kill them with kindness?

The Onion provides a Pro-and-Con list regarding legalization of marijuana.

On This Week’s Headlines from The Onion
Delirious rover hallucinates water on Mars
Employee slowly realizes boss attempting to have normal conversation with her
Biologist completes 5-minute study of pathetic organism in mirror
Terrifying man selling dead trees out of middle school parking lot
Slow-witted conspiracy theorist convinced government behind NASA
Pope Francis canonizes single turkey in annual Vatican tradition – Article – (I know it’s late, but I like it)

Interesting Reads
Physics, cosmology, and philosophy
Columnist Fareed Zakaria on education in the USA
Causes of WW I
The Law of Urination
Top 5 brawls of American politics
Kansas City Lightning (Book review about jazz great Charlie Parker)

On Potpourri
Hudson Howl offered a trade of Rod Ford for Sarah Palin. I accepted because that is a no-brainer.

The idea of making cell phone calls available on flights must be based on a way for the airlines to make money. I hate the idea, thus hope for a high fee and the airlines right to disconnect the call if the caller is bothering others.

Courtesy of The Onion Store, here is another potential holiday gift for the hard-to-buy person with a twisted sense of humor.

Because I didn’t post last Friday and knowing that some were counting on my gift ideas, here’s a second one – your very own creative cursing cards!

For those who dare, here’s The Onion’s 2013 Holiday Gift Guide.

Dancing with the Stars has been a good season. I always enjoy seeing non-dancers progress, but I don’t like seeing the audience vote causing better dancers to leave.

Pope Francis is a good choice for Time’s Person of the Year – but Miley Cyrus wasn’t worthy as a finalist.

Time: The Musical continues next week featuring Seasons, which means song titles with season(s) or one of the seasons in the title – but NOT in the form of a compound word. BTW – I love listening to all the songs! FYI: Bad news – The final act will be in January. Good news – A new musical begins!

Enjoy this version of Jingle Bells from President Obama.

Here are your weekend celebrations (sadly, not much going on)

  • (Fri) Cocoa Day, Pick a Pathologist Pal Day (here’s one who may recognize)
  • (Sat) Day of the Horse, Monkey Day, Shareware Day, Bouillabaisse Day, Halcyon Days begin
  • (Sun) Cat Herders Day, DNA Day, Lemon Cupcake Day, Zamenhof Day

Many thanks for all the kind words and support regarding the recent passing of my mother-in-law.

Because prep time has been short, I’m suspending Saturday Morning Cartoons until after the first of the year. However, I will have a seasonal treat tomorrow.

For Cincinnati, December has been abnormally cold and we’ve already received twice than normal amount of snow. Besides, the traditionally two coldest months are yet to come. I’m sending you into the weekend with the song that Lynn submitted in the latest Time: The Musical. In addition, it’s has outstanding images!

Enjoy Wintertime by the Steve Miller Band. Have a safe weekend and in the words of Garrison Keillor, Be well, do good work, and keep in touch.