Opinions in the Short: Vol. 233

On Politics
Cheers to Congress for not doing something stupid this week … so not being in session is helpful.

As an independent with a small streak of Libertarianism, Sen. Rand Paul (R-KY) has the knack of getting my attention … then causing me to shake my head after he keeps talking.

Because Cincinnati borders Kentucky, we (in Ohio) get our share of news about Kentucky, including political ads for their contested Senate race. My anti-McConnell readers will appreciate this TV ad.

On This Week’s Headlines from The Onion
Police satisfied after drunk man assures them there’s no problem
7.1 billion demonstrate in favor of global warming
Teacher who learns more from her students than she teaches them fired
Johnson & Johnson hoping brand won’t be tarnished if they dip into lethal injection game
Too late now to switch from checkout lane with talkative cashier
NASA administrator resigns after leak of offensive anti-moon email

Interesting Reads
Why bitter makes food better
Germany’s renewable energy investment
An interactive: 100 legacies from World War I that continue to shape our lives today
George Schultz’s perspective about progress in America
Porcupine sex

On Potpourri
Our local pro football team (Cincinnati Bengals) made national news in early September when they kept a player who should have been cut. The player, Devon Still, had more important things on his mind as his 4-year-old daughter is battling stage 4 cancer … and by keeping the player on the roster, the family receives medical insurance. The Bengals also started a fund-raising effort by donating 100% of the sales of his jersey (#75) to a children’s cancer fund. To date, people across the country have bought over 1,000 jerseys … and at $100 each, that’s over $1 million dollars raised so far. By the way, the young girl had surgery on Thursday (yesterday), the same day Cyndi Lauper and Sara Bareilles released the Truly Brave video to raise money for the fight against pediatric cancer .. and yes, the young Miss Still is in the video.

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Here’s an interesting graph, which is in the article above about Germany.

From the US Dept of Energy as published in the Wall Street Journal

From the US Dept of Energy as published in the Wall Street Journal

I’m bummed because Sharna’s partner was booted from Dancing with the Stars this week.

For golf fans, it’s Ryder Cup weekend! Wow … the Europeans are very strong.

Hooray … the last day of the regular baseball regular season ends Sunday, thus no more misery for Reds fans

There will be a Saturday Morning Cartoon post for your Saturday!

Your weekend celebrations

  • (Fri) Hug a Vegetarian Day, Love Note Day, Shamu the Whale Day, Save the Koala Day, Native American Day, Pancake Day, Johnny Appleseed Day
  • (Sat) Goose Day, Ancestor Appreciation Day, Rabbit Day, Family Health & Fitness Day, Fish Amnesty Day, Gay Men’s HIV/AIDS Awareness Day, Kids Day, Hunting & Fishing Day, Museum Day, Public Lands Day, Tourism Day, Sport Purple for Platelets Day, Rabies Awareness Day, Crush a Can Day, Chocolate Milk Day, Corned Beef Hash Day
  • (Sun) Fish Tank Floorshow Night, Drink Beer Day, Good Neighbor Day, Right to Know Day, World Heart Day, Gone-ta-Pott Day, Ask a Stupid Question Day, Marshmallow Twisters Day, Strawberry Cream Pie Day

To send you into the weekend, here’s a hit from 1971 by a Canadian band. Enjoy One Fine Morning by Lighthouse, and I hope this weekend brings you three fine mornings. Have a safe weekend and in the words of Garrison Keillor, Be well, do good work, and keep in touch.

On Satire Bits: Vol. 107

Heeeeee Haw …. it’s the first mid-week dose of satire since returning from the blogging break!

Hope your week has gone well so far. Something odd happened to me on Monday. I was out and about during lunch, so thought I’d stop by Taco Bell for something fast. After ordering two items and a small drink, the clerk asked for $2.58 while handing me a small cup for my drink. Quick math told me that wasn’t right, but I obliged … then looked at the bill to see “Senior Drink $0.00″.

Cincinnati weather has been fabulous of late, which is great because our golf league is one of the few still playing. Both my partner and I played well Tuesday, so it will be interesting to see the standings going into next week’s finale.

Below the image is your dose of mid-week satire to deliver a mid-week boost toward the weekend. Which is your favorite? For that extra challenge, make your original headline by using the words below to make a new combination. It’s easy … focus on the nouns and verbs to get you started. My combo is at the end. Have a good rest of the week.

NASA announces plans to launch a chimpanzee to the Sun

Police department reduces cost by using same evidence for every investigation

Man confused by compliment from person whose career he can’t help

Person who will embalm you walking around out there

Voters clamoring to know if female political candidate a mother first

Man concerned he spread himself too thin between eating sandwich, watching television

Man in elevator in on conversation now

Man’s anxiety not about to let depression muscle in on turf

Area man knows exactly which relatives would be problem if he ever came into money

Roommates still don’t know each well enough to not speak

My Combo: Chimp plans to embalm political candidate who plans to launch mother in elevator to reduce costs

On Satire Bits: Vol. 106

Happy Hump Day to all. How’s your week going so far?

Since returning from the weekend trip, I’ve returned to my water superintendent duties for our building … which means I move hoses and sprinklers for several hours as our we and another couple in our building are assisting the builder so we can get a green grass environment … Plus, I’m trying to catch up on my blogging from the missed weekend.

Just returned from the golf course, and I was happy with my overall play tonight. Rest of the week has a variety of events scheduled, along with more watering. Then again, maybe mother nature will help out with some natural rain.

Because I haven’t given an eye update in some time, the issue still exists … but all is stable. I don’t see the retina specialist for another 5 weeks, so unless something drastic happens between now and then, it’s wait and see.

Moving on to your midweek dose of satire, as usual, the satirical headlines below are courtesy of The Onion. I’m always curious to discover when you have a favorite. For those ready to accept the extra challenge, create your own “combo” headline by using only the words in the headlines below. My Combo is at the end. Have a good rest of the week!

Criminal prosecuted to fullest extent of budget

Meat prices skyrocket after cow smashing machine gets all beefed up

Legal Dream Team of co-workers counsel woman on strategy for speeding ticket

Friend takes liberty of ordering $40 of appetizers for entire table

Elderly man can’t wait for senility to erase lifetime of regretful memories

Each line of MasterCard billing statement evokes infuriating vacation memory

Two dozen restaurant patrons made violently ill from marriage proposal

Area idea so crazy it just might work

Snowden: NSA agents pass around nude photos

Report confirms no need to make new chairs for the time being

My Combo: Legal Dream Team prosecuted crazy cow for speeding and smashing nude elderly man in new chair

On Satire Bits: Vol. 105

Cincinnati is currently getting a second dose of abnormally wonderful weather for July. Warm and sunny days with low humidity followed by cool evening temperatures. The other day we had a record low (52 F, 11 C)! As one who doesn’t enjoy high temperatures with high humidity, I could take this all the time!!!

Reminder – Life: The Musical (Act 8) takes to the stage on Wednesday, 9:30 pm (Eastern, US) featuring songs with Man/Men or Woman/Women in the title. Good news … the choices are many!

It appears the golf course my wife and I have been playing regularly for the past 25 years (or so) will be closing at the end of this golf season due to financial difficulties. It’s understandable and the right thing to do, yet sad and unfortunate.

The marketing folks at GEICO have another version of the Hump Day Camel for you to enjoy, but this one is specific for movie theater attendees.

In order to get you through the rest of the week, it’s time for your mid-week dose of satire from The Onion. Any favorites? As is normal custom here, those desiring an extra challenge can develop their own headline by using any combination from the headlines below. “My combo” is at the end

Increasingly anxious man worried order confirmation email never going to come

Karate studio hoping to get local phone number that spells Kick or Chop

Man unaware all his friends think of him when they want to put things in perspective

Last-ditch dating website asks users to check “Yes” if they have open sores

Study: More couples delaying divorce until kids old enough to remember every painful moment

New Department of Agriculture study finds 85% of US farmers woefully kicking the dirt

God’s will only thing keeping AC unit in window

Report finds more Americans putting off children until companies are ready

Conversations pretty limited when friend not in midst of crisis

Man regrets straying from sour cream and onion potato chips

My Combo: Last-ditch website hoping anxious man delays putting off children until Department of Agriculture check open sores from sour cream and onion potato chips

On Satire Bits: Vol. 104

Greetings from hot and steamy Cincinnati … and that unseasonably comfortable weather pattern of last week is a mere distant memory. How’s your weather? And your week so far?

I’ve spent a lot of time volunteering to water two newly seeded areas at the condo. because of the size and slope of the second area, that will be a challenge … and the whole process is time-consuming.

Golf today was better than last week … but not stellar … however, (and once again) at least the company was good.

Let’s move along to your mid-week dose of satire courtesy of The Onion. It’s also time for the return of the combo challenge where you get a chance to create your own headline from the words in the headlines below. My combo is at the end, so select your nouns, verbs, adjectives, adverbs, prepositions, conjunctions, pronouns, and interjections in order to create your headline. Have a good rest of the week.

Word search called off

Universal Studios, Warner Brothers enter talks to reduce stockpiles of unproduced robots

Warm weather finally allows man to get outside, explore new ways to sweat

Coast Guard going to let stranded yacht owner sweat it out a little more

Man has no idea what to do with good mood

New PS4 feature allows user to close eye and imagine really fun game

Woman who changed self to please boyfriend enjoying happy long-term relationship

Cable executive’s one-man show now mandatory viewing for subscribers

Man realizes he’s beginning to stand for something

Mayan word for ‘Apocalypse’ actually translates more accurately as “Time for Pale Obese Fun Monsters’

My Combo: Stranded Warner Brothers sweat as cable executive in good mood beginning to imagine one-man apocalypse after Coast Guard called off search

On Satire Bits: Vol. 103

It’s mid-week, so it’s time to check on everyone, so I hope all is well.

The weather front passing through brought us significant rain and a drastic change in weather … it’s no sunny, pleasantly warm with a touch of coolness in the breeze … amazingly, very uncharacteristic of July! … and this is true for much of the eastern half of the USA.

Lousy golf today, then again … after a good streak, I was due to have my worst round in several months. That’s OK because as I told the other three after the last hole …. lousy golf but great company.

Life: The Musical is the next post with “School” being the Act 7 theme. I expanded the word list, so song titles with the following words are acceptable: School, Teacher, Student, College, compound words beginning with school, a specific grade level (be careful). The performance starts Wednesday, 9: 30 PM (Eastern US).

The recent super moon sparked an idea for your midweek satire as I dived into The Onion’s archives searching for headlines. Any favorites? Enjoy and have a good rest of the week.

Kim Jong-Un announces plan to bring Moon to North Korea

Colorado wildfire spreads to Moon

Area mooning goes unnoticed

Footage of Neil Armstrong playing saxophone on Moon clearly a fake

Moon finally hatches

Pope announces plan to build Moon Vatican

NASA acquires Moon for Kennedy Space Center exhibit

Majority of Americans believe US already has a Moon base

North Korea celebrates as Kim Jong-Un becomes first man to walk on the Moon

Neptune uses Uranus to moon Jupiter ….  (but not from The Onion)

On Satire Bits: Vol. 102

How’s your week going? I’ve been dealing with a set of run-around tasks, but I made progress.

We were supposed to get a good dose of rain today, but who knows what happened. On the plus side, golf league went on as scheduled. It was a fun night scramble in between the end of the first half and the start of the second. We finished second, which was good considering we beat teams with more talent.

It seems I got the notifications issue corrected by clearing a box that mysteriously got checked.

Courtesy of The Onion’s archives, last week’s satire featured headlines about parenting. During my wandering through the depths of the archives, I found other interesting collections around the same theme. The first one is the graphic below, but for more, see the linking below the graphic. Do any of these readings capture your attention?

OnionParentingBook

Image from The Onion

 

Bonuses from The Onion – Any favorites in these lists?

Have a good rest of the week!