Opinions in the Shorts: Vol. 213

On Politics
The fact that President Obama and House Speak John Boehner met this week is a good thing. The fact that they haven’t met in 14 months is not.

Although Congressional Republicans have been outwardly obstinate, I wonder if Congressional Democrats have also been quietly obstinate.

Given the odds are high for overreach, maybe it’s a good idea that one party doesn’t control Capitol Hill and the White House.

Comments by rocker Ted Nugent about President Obama are an example of one of the downsides of today’s information highway. As many elected Republican shrugged their shoulders and danced around the situation, cheers to Sen. Rand Paul (R-KY), Sen. John McCain (R-AZ), and several others for stepping to say Nugent was out of line.

For those waiting on the edge of your seat with high anticipation, please relax because Nincompoop will not seek the 2016 Republican presidential nomination for one reason – a loss would damage her brand.

I enjoy listening to Michael Smerconish on an XM radio political channel (124). Coming soon – He will have a new, Saturday morning show on CNN (I believe starting next weekend).

On This Week’s Headlines from The Onion
American Airlines to phase out complimentary cabin pressurization
Man who keeps keys on carabineer must rappel into office building every morning
Self-conscious flasher fully clothed under trench coat
Fourth-grader named Jackson to fire you someday
Report: Local gas station would not be hard to rob

Bonus Onions
Worst selling frozen dinners
Dogs who know fun

Interesting Reads
FBI and Osama bin Laden
The Smithsonian writes about the Monument Men
How a trust can reduce taxes
Interesting thoughts about the study of economics
Interesting images of sand art
Interesting graphic about crossbows

On Potpourri
Barbeque lovers know that macaroni and cheese is a great accompaniment. Chef Michael Symon takes it to the next level with this recipe. I haven’t tried it, but I delivered an OMG when I saw him make this.

WLWT is a long-time Cincinnati television station. This commercial for them caught my attention, and it’s a good way to you to see scenes of my city, including my beloved Skyline Chili – but I’m not sure the two kids are eating Graeter’s ice cream.

Saturday is a new month, so I hope to put month-long celebrations in the next Monday Morning Entertainment. After all, I still want you informed.

Jim Lange, former host of the original Dating Game, passed away this week. Here’s a list of star-to-be that appeared on the show: Karen Carpenter, Steve Martin, Farrah Fawcett, Michael Jackson, John Ritter, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Andy Kaufman, and Suzanne Somers. Does anyone remember the episode when comedian Don Rickles stood in for a shy girl to select here date? Here it is. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CXzu8qgkINs

Here are your weekend celebrations (Wow … there are many!)

  • (Weekend) Snowshoe Days
  • (Fri) National Chili Day, Public Sleeping Day, Floral Design Day, DNA Day, Pockets Day, Car Keys and Small Change Day, Read Me Day, Tooth Fairy Day, Chocolate Soufflé Day, Rare Disease Day
  • (Sat) Beer Day, Bachelor’s Day, Underling’s Day, Go Bowling Day, Wear Yellow Day (for endometriosis awareness), Horse Protection Day, Peanut Lovers Day, Pig Day, Plan a Solo Vacation Day, Retire but Not Retired Day, Share a Smile Day, Compliment Day, Sock Monkey Day, Days of the Seals, Self-Injury Awareness Day, Holy Experiment Day,
  • (Sun) Banana Cream Pie Day, Daughters’ and Sons’ Day, Pyramid Day, Old Stuff Day, Dr. Seuss Day, Book Day, Silly Putty Day, Babysitter Safety Day, Cat-in-the-Hat Day, Frozen Food Day

This past week was very difficult, but at least I made it to Friday. The project is finished, and I made progress in terms of packing.

Over the past few weeks, I haven’t written or visited others, as I prefer to do. I thought cutting back to three posts per week would help more than it did. With that in mind, common sense tells me that I have to step away from blogging even more until after the move. Knowing that I will have a difficult time doing that, I will soon temporarily fade into the abyss …BUT … I hope to put together some timed short posts to keep you entertained during my absence.

Earlier this week we learned of the passing of actor Harold Ramis – and to me, this fun song from one of his movies is perfect to send everyone into the weekend. Have a safe weekend and in the words of Garrison Keillor, Be well, do good work, and keep in touch.

On Satire Bits: Vol. 86

Unbelievably, a warm wave has bestowed itself upon Cincinnati. In order to accommodate the melting water, over the past two days I’ve chipped away at the ice blocking the water flow … and hooray … it’s moving! The rest of the week will also provide some rain … maybe even storms … so now I wonder when the flood waters will arrive. Although I’m high and dry, I grew up in a river town that flooded.

The phone has dominated my last two days with necessary conversations with movers, utilities, our accountant (it’s tax season), banks, deliveries, and others. When I’m on hold, I kill time by packing some items.

Enough of my week, how’s yours going?

For those needing a chuckle, here’s your mid-week collection of satire courtesy of The Onion. For the daring, rise to the occasion of using the information in these headlines to form a new headline. My combo is at the end.

Have a good rest of the week!

Man doesn’t need to have fun to drink

Local company now 95% interns

Buddhist extremist cell vows to unleash tranquility on West

Man doesn’t know how parents ever going to payoff massive student loan debt

Man upset with girlfriend changes profile picture back to truck

Parents finally cave in and buy 33-year-old son PlayStation 1

Lunch rebuilds friendship ruined at last lunch

Report: Fritz a fine name for a boy

Man confidently hits “Send” on worst job application company ever saw

Individuals unaware they constitute area man’s support network

Man unknowingly purchases lifetime supply of condoms

My Combo: Fritz the Buddhist vows tranquility with lifetime supply of condoms

On Satire Bits: Vol. 82

Sometimes coinciding, serendipitous events seem too good to be true.

First of all, it’s time for a Satire Bits post. Secondly, January is Polka Music Month. Thirdly, January 23 is the anniversary of Holy Roman Emperor Charles VI (in 1719) issuing a decree forming Liechtenstein. So let’s start the mid-week energy boost by imagining Guapo, Bulldog, and GingerFightBack wearing lederhosen while leading everyone in song and dance to the Liechtensteiner Polka. Any ladies want to volunteering wearing Bavarian Dirndl for the occasion? Who knows how to dance to a polka?

Celebration Alert:For fearing nothing to celebrate today, Wednesday is Blonde Brownie Day and Answer Your Cat’s Questions Day!

How has your week been so far? Besides getting hit with more snow, I’ve been hit with a dose of the frazzles, but I’m confident that all will be fine.

A reminder that Time: The Musical is scheduled as a prologue. Do you have a special song associated with a special moment? Well now … that may come in handy. If not, there could be other options. Curtain time is Wednesday, 9:30 PM (Eastern USA).

Let’s move on to your mid-week dose of satire courtesy of The Onion. Any favorites? There’s also the challenge of developing your very own satirical headline by using the information from the headlines below. My combo is at the end. Enjoy … and have a good rest of the week.

Anonymous source tells reporters he is tired of being Speaker of the House

Five-year-old reluctantly lets crying mom sleep in his bed again

Unclear if fountain is the type allowed to run around in

Police deploys fancy-clothed cop

CEO worked way up from Son of CEO

Scientists teach sign language to gorilla-suit-wearing man

Enzyme humbled to have played part in successful biochemical reaction

Airline part of something called Star Alliance

27-year-old lies about every single aspect of his life to keep parents from worrying

Fun-loving, laid-back woman with a bit of a nerdy side joins online dating service

My Combo: Laid-back anonymous CEO wearing gorilla suit crying after he joins 27-year-old fancy-clothed, anonymous cop in bed

On Satire Bits: Vol. 79

How’s your week going so far? Between funeral expenses, a plumber, and car repairs, I’ve been on a spending free of the unwanted kind. Good news is that I got three good hours of volunteering in this week.

Time: The Musical raises its curtain again on Wednesday at 9:30 pm (Eastern US). This act features Future Time, so song titles must include Future or reference the future, which allows room for creativity. However Tonight will is not acceptable.

My mind has been a little haywire recently, but the final act will be in January, followed by a prologue – therefore a new musical could debut in February!

On personal blogging note, about 4 hours ago (at 5:25 pm, Eastern US Tuesday), WordPress notified me that the last post (On Palaver) will be the Editor’s Pick for Freshly Pressed – but I don’t know when.

Let’s get on to your midweek dose of satire from The Onion. For those wanting an extra challenge, use the words in the headlines below to create your own headline. My combo is listed at the end. Otherwise, which is your favorite?

Have a good rest of the week.

25-ft-tall Asian women remain underrepresented in the media

Nation’s single men announce plan to change bedsheets by 2019

Girl with pink hair browsing iguanas

Personal trainer has desk

New skin cream to do something

CEO has special knack for recognizing great ideas and ruining them

Town nervously welcomes veteran back home

Friendly wildfire comes right up to Yosemite camper’s tent

Sleeping middle-aged businessman in airport suddenly so child-like, so vulnerable

Family’s horrific 45-minute screaming match ends in consensus to go to Macaroni Grill

Study: Average person becomes unhinged psychotic when alone in own house

Marketing department under impression Keebler elves are beloved part of American culture

My Combo: Underrepresented psychotic elves become unhinged personal trainers with pink skin

On Satire Bits: Vol. 74

How’s your week so far? Because it’s massage week (and before your dose of mid-week satire), here’s a mid-week rubdown for those who desire.

How was that for a precursor to Monday’s International Chocolate Day?

Our temperature has been falling and we could even see a few flakes in the morning! YIKES!!!! … and the rest of the week will be colder than normal. Brrrrrr … it’s too early for this!!!!

Thanks for all the best wishes for my mother-in-law. She’s out of the hospital, and is now in a rehab unit to gain physical strength and confidence – which has to be difficult for someone at 85.

Because it fall/autumn for the northern hemisphere, and as a follow-up to yesterday’s walk, I dived into The Onion’s vault of archives in search of satirical headlines for the season. Hope you enjoy!

Because raking leaves is a common endeavor for fall, here are graphics from The Onion’s archives: What is under a leaf pile; Popular autumn activities; and Most popular autumn foods.

Pumpkin makes a roll for it

New rake model arrives at stores

Scientists warn autumn will kill us all

Mr. Autumn Man walking down street with cup of coffee, wearing sweater over plaid-collared shirt

Indoor grill owner can’t wait for start of autumn

Area plant displays leaves

Morbidly obese pumpkin wins contest

Leaf hunting season begins

Pumpkin seeds saved, dried, roasted, salted, offered, refused, tossed

Lucy says of pumpkin, “It’s a fall idol, Charlie Brown”

Last Ruben Studdard reference wafts into the cool evening air of fall

Fall cancelled after 3 billion seasons

Any favorites? Have a good rest of the week!