On Satire Bits: Vol. 110

How’s your week gone so far?

With today being a dreary day in Cincinnati, I decided to start my quest of dedicating as much of one day as possible to writing. So, hey … I now have some posts already in the queue!

No golf league in my schedule means I get an extra evening at home. But, that also means I will prepare dinner. My wife had to leave quickly this evening, so I kept it simple – spaghetti with a personally made meat sauce with Italian sausage, onions, fennel seed, basil, red wine, and tomatoes – and then top the plate with crumbled feta cheese.

A reminder that the next act of Life: The Musical goes live Wednesday, 9:30 pm (Eastern US). Because we know life is more than work, Play (as in having fun) is the theme, so get your songs reading with any of the following in the title: Play, Playing, Fun, or a fun activity (such as swimming). The producer is worried about this one, so good luck.

It’s time for that mid-week boost of satire to give you a burst toward the weekend. You also have a chance to create your own, original satirical headline by using the words in the headlines below the image. Have a good rest of the week.

Going-out-of-business sign thanks neighborhood for 3 months of no support whatsoever

More couples using wedding drones to film nuptials

Entirety of man’s personal data protected by reference to third season of West Wing

Homosexuality only thing parent can accept about son

Employer totally botches job interview

New law requires welfare recipients to submit sweat to prove how they are looking for a job

Wife already knows the one thing she’ll say that can never be taken back

Drug company releases new drug to treat people who feel sort of weird sometimes

New Kindle helps readers show off by shouting title of book loudly and repeatedly

Groundbreaking young adult novel features protagonist who’s a bit of a loner

My Combo: Loner wife helps drug company treat wedding couples with no drugs

On Satire Bits: Vol. 108

Depending when you read this, it’s either the last of September or the beginning of October – nonetheless, I say Hello October!

Being a new month you may have been expecting my toast to October,  but come on now … interrupt your mid-week dose of satire? But never fear, the October post is next.

My golf league is official over. It was a bit sad for me because today was our last night ever because the course that I’ve played for over 20 years is closing. Good news is that my partner and I are Second Half Champions, plus I think I also won an individual honor. Considering that my wife won her league, we are the House of Champions!

Reminder to all that I have a blog party on the docket for this weekend. The post will go live sometime after midnight Saturday (Eastern US) for the European morning, the Aussies and Kiwis lunch, and everyone else in between or earlier. I only host these when the occasion warrants, so hopefully my regulars will not only drop by, but hey … your friends are welcome.

Because it’s Astronomy Week, I dived into the deep, dark bowels of The Onion’s archives to find astronomy-related satire. Any favorites among these? For those wanting the combo challenge, make your own headline from the words in the headlines below. My Combo is at the end. Have a good rest of the week.

Astronomers discover massive asteroid that could wipe out life on Earth, force Nordstrom out of business

Astronomers admit making up Neptune

NASA to send Earth into space

Astronomer discovers black hole at center of own marriage

Intelligent, condescending life found in distant galaxy

Study finds Earth located in lamest part of universe

Mean scientists dash hopes for life on Mars

Astronomers say Earth’s overpopulated crisis will soon be solved by heroic meteor

Chicken-shit asteroid veers away at last minute

Extraterrestrial nerds contact Earth

Hubble Kaleidoscope finds evidence of space looking all crazy (Image below)

My Combo: Extraterrestrial discovers condescending life on Earth 

Image from The Onion

Image from The Onion

On Satire Bits: Vol. 107

Heeeeee Haw …. it’s the first mid-week dose of satire since returning from the blogging break!

Hope your week has gone well so far. Something odd happened to me on Monday. I was out and about during lunch, so thought I’d stop by Taco Bell for something fast. After ordering two items and a small drink, the clerk asked for $2.58 while handing me a small cup for my drink. Quick math told me that wasn’t right, but I obliged … then looked at the bill to see “Senior Drink $0.00″.

Cincinnati weather has been fabulous of late, which is great because our golf league is one of the few still playing. Both my partner and I played well Tuesday, so it will be interesting to see the standings going into next week’s finale.

Below the image is your dose of mid-week satire to deliver a mid-week boost toward the weekend. Which is your favorite? For that extra challenge, make your original headline by using the words below to make a new combination. It’s easy … focus on the nouns and verbs to get you started. My combo is at the end. Have a good rest of the week.

NASA announces plans to launch a chimpanzee to the Sun

Police department reduces cost by using same evidence for every investigation

Man confused by compliment from person whose career he can’t help

Person who will embalm you walking around out there

Voters clamoring to know if female political candidate a mother first

Man concerned he spread himself too thin between eating sandwich, watching television

Man in elevator in on conversation now

Man’s anxiety not about to let depression muscle in on turf

Area man knows exactly which relatives would be problem if he ever came into money

Roommates still don’t know each well enough to not speak

My Combo: Chimp plans to embalm political candidate who plans to launch mother in elevator to reduce costs

On Satire Bits: Vol. 96

How’s your week going so far? The long weekend helped put my blogging endeavors behind schedule. Then there is the continually challenges at the new address. Oh well … stuff happens.

After a delightful weekend, high humidity has arrived. YUK! I hate it … but it’s still better than this past winter. Meanwhile, my golf game is steady, plus  handbell season ends in two weeks.

Dive into the extra challenge by using the words in the headlines below to form your own original headline. ‘My Combo” is at the end. Have a good rest of the week.

Brutally honest new Revlon campaign reminds customers you can’t change who you are

Music in bar could stand to be louder, worse

Tiger always checked-out at local zoo

NASA discovers that Earth might be what its been searching for all along

Deeply held conviction dropped after friend half-heartedly disagrees

James Cameron says future of movies will be watching them from his lap

Woman a leading authority on what shouldn’t be in poor people’s grocery cart

Report: Average American has just about 28% of what it takes

Bus rider acting like fight not happening four feet away

Wedding DJ assures anxious man he hasn’t forgotten “Build Me Up Buttercup” request

My Combo: At local bar with loud music, brutally honest James Cameron requests “Build Me Up Buttercup” and half-heartedly checked-out leading woman for his movies from his lap

On Satire Bits: Vol. 95

In the words of Fat Albert, “Hey, Hey, Hey … It’s Hump Day!”

Hope your week is off to a good start. I just returned from golf league, where I had my steady game tonight – so it’s always good to score well.

Reminder, that the next post is Act 4, Life: The Musical featuring song titles that include young, youth, kids, child, or children. Curtain time is Wednesday, 9:30 pm (Eastern, US) … so get your songs ready.

Below is your mid-week dose of satire courtesy of The Onion. As always, those desiring a challenge can develop a new headline by using the words in the headlines below. My “combo’ is at the end.

Enjoy and have a good rest of the week.

Nation’s limo drivers spend magical prom night playing scratch-off lottery tickets in parking lot

Activists release horrifying video showing how meat products are eaten

Poll finds only 83% of New Yorkers visit Statue of Liberty every day

Food Network star realizes police immediately look for body in giant pile of mashed potatoes

Small business still manages to mistreat workers like large corporate chain

Fan on jumbotron waits until last second to wave

Take-out bag feels light

Mom packs encouraging note in own lunch

Unemployed man vows to get up early, finish watching movie

Carlos Santana surprises wife with coupon for free 45-minute guitar solo

My Combo: For magical night, Carlos Santana vows guitar solo on jumbotron to wife for encouraging unemployed small man to spend night in giant pile of take-out mash potatoes

On Satire Bits: Vol. 92

Storms rolled across the central US earlier this week, so rain came to Cincinnati -but at least we avoided the severe weather. I recently heard a report that more tornadoes occur in the US than any other country. Did you know that?

I hope your week has gone well so far. Errands, mostly move related, continue to dominate my to-do list. Interestingly, my post for yesterday wasn’t ready, and hooray … I didn’t panic! Meanwhile, the next post is Life: The Musical, with Act 3 featuring songs with first names in the title … so get your songs ready as curtain time is Wednesday, 9:30 PM (Eastern US).

Your mid-week satire is below, so hopefully something will give you a chuckle. Do you have a favorite? For that extra challenge, make your own headline from the words in the headlines below. My combo is at the end. Have a good rest of the week.

Elite congressman trained to kill legislation in 24 different ways

Expressing deeply held political opinion referred to a “gaffe”

Neighborhood much safer since mayor vanquished fire troll

Area man’s emotional state completely dependent on outcome of sporting event

Study: Exposing yourself in produce section still frowned upon by society

American obesity traced to one heavy-set Mayflower passenger

Unclear if grandma just friends with 81-year old widower

Humans display highest cognitive abilities when trying to retrieve object dropped between car seats

Study find Earth located in lamest part of universe

All of man’s time-wasting websites exhausted before lunch

My Combo: Lamest congressman exposes fire troll

On Satire Bits: Vol. 91

Warm weather is upon us, thus it’s time for golf league to start. Of course, we were supposed to start last week, but the league secretary graciously postpone the start due to miserable weather. How’s the weather been in your area?

How’s your week going so far? An interesting thing happened to me at this week’s handbell rehearsal. Since January, I have been playing some of the large bass bells. Keep in mind that handbells are made of brass – thus one of the bells I play on one song weighs 8.25 pounds (3.7 kg). One has to be careful, but I think it caused a mild hyperextension of my elbow.

The hyperextension and the start of golf league isn’t the best timing. As I always do before playing, I took some time on the practice range …. and to my surprise the elbow didn’t bother me, thus I played without any problems. The elbow area remains tender, so time will tell if it heals enough to be able to play this Sunday. Believe me – swinging a heavy piece of brass is much different that swinging a golf club.

Let’s move on our midweek-dose of satire courtesy of The Onion. Any favorites below? Don’t forget the extra challenge of making your own satirical headline by reusing the words in the headlines below. My combo is at the end. Enjoy and have a good rest of the week.

Coworkers currently G-chatting about you

Man spends weekend binge-watching neighbor

Study: More children growing up in single-parrot households

So-called Christian has erection

Report: Only 20 minutes until introverted man gets to leave party

Area mother doesn’t see why Thai people need to make food so spicy

McDonald’s now offering bereavement prices

Expectant parents throw some values together at the last minute

Dog held against will inside Skype window

Imperial inspector to arrive by railcar this afternoon

My Combo: Neighbor spends 20 minutes watching McDonald’s erection