On Satire Bits: Vol. 90

Hey hey hey … It’s Hump Day time! How has your week gone so far?

We went from a very warm and slightly humid Sunday to a cold Tuesday that delivered a chilling wind, low temperatures, and even some snow.

A reminder that the next post is Life: The Musical – Act 2 – featuring songs with born, birth, baby, or babies in the title.  A reminder – no duplicates. Curtain time is Wednesday, 9:30 PM (US Eastern).

Any favorites below? To go along with your mid-week dose of satire from The Onion, I hope you accept the challenge of making your own satirical headline by using the words from the headlines below. My combo is at the end. Have a good rest of the week!

Inspired man bolts out of bed at 3 AM to jot down great next worry

Drunken man careens wildly across internet

Distant planet terrified it might be able to someday support life

Co-worker who already breathes, chews loudly thinking about getting into arrhythmically drumming on desk

New study finds only 88% of guitar customers become famous musicians

Lapsed cult member only attends sanctum on major blood-letting days

Manic researchers announce they are hours away from cure for depression

Middle-aged waiter sadly not involved in any creative endeavor

Father marvels at how quickly kids growing distant

Subway employee still unnerved by high-pitched screech sandwiches make when cut in half

My Combo: Middle-aged Subway employee inspired by drunken coworker thinking

Opinions in the Shorts: Vol. 215

On Politics
I find it interesting how former Florida Governor. Jeb Bush’s name has been receiving much attention of late as the frontrunner-for-the-moment regarding the Republican presidential candidacy in 2016.

Recent comparisons of President Obama to President Johnson (LBJ) confuses me.

This Pew Research Center poll provides interesting data about feelings regarding the Affordable Care Act. Although many citizens may have concerns about the law, while one party focuses on its repeal, the other party defends it – thus there doesn’t seem to be much interest in Congress to improve it.

On This Week’s Headlines from The Onion
Forbes release 2014 list of most-punchable CEOs
Spider invasion leads to Mazda recall
Alcohol unfairly blamed for local man’s impaired judgment
FedEx confirms more than 600,000 people try to mail themselves each year
Landmark Supreme Court decision lets American cram cash directly into politicians’ mouths

This is not from The Onion, but because Friday is Barbershop Quartet Day, here’s a mid-post dash of humor that’s not for the easier offended. As a time saver, start at 50 seconds.

Interesting Reads
Sweden, Finland, Russia, and NATO
Geopolitics of Energy
Brain waves and tango dancers (Thanks Elyse)
Extinct musical instruments
An LA native spent 4 days in Cincinnati and posted about it
The USS Thresher
Trent’s post about bloggers losing followers

On Potpourri
This week we get an old office chair out with the garbage. Once I heard the garbage truck outside, I looked out the window to see if they took the chair. To my surprise, it was in the street, but in front of my neighbor – so I watched … and then discovered that one of the two workers would sit in the chair and hold on to the truck as the other drove to the next building.

This post by Khamillion is very moving. It’s a short read with awesome images, so I encourage you to visit. Thanks to Cayman (@Drinks Well with Others) for directing me there.

For those who enjoy unique architecture, Cathy (@LargeSelf) shared this link featuring images of the expansion at the Denver Art Museum.

If I can get my act together, I’m hoping Life: The Musical returns next week.

Get ready! … The next post marks the return of Saturday Morning Classic Cartoons!

Here are your weekend celebrations

  • (Weekend) Youth Service Days
  • (Fri) Barbershop Quartet Day, Day of Silence, Education & Sharing Day, Louie Louie Day, Pet day, Parkinson’s Disease Awareness Day, Eight-track Tape Day
  • (Sat) Licorice Day, Big Wind Day, Walk on the Walk Side Day, Slow Art Day, Grilled Cheese Sandwich Day, Human Space Flight Day, Drop Everything and Read Day, Look Up in the Sky Day
  • (Sun) Scrabble Day, Baby Massage Day, Peach Cobbler Day

Given the celebrations, two classic songs equally qualify as worthy to send you into the weekend. Because both are worthy of high praise, I will put them in chronological order. Enjoy, have a safe weekend and in the words of Garrison Keillor, Be well, do good work, and keep in touch.

Louie, Louie (The Kingsmen, 1963)

.
Walk on the Wild Side (Lou Reed, 1972)

On Satire Bits: Vol. 89

Midweek greetings to you from Cincinnati. How has your week gone for you so far? All of us are transitioning seasons, but one must remember that our two hemispheres are in opposite seasons.

Spring has definitely arrived as budding and blooms are coming forth, warm has replaced cold, and the rainy days don’t bother me because I keep this past winter in my head as a reference point. Baseball has also started, golf fans will see the blooming Azaleas at Augusta during the week’s Masters, and my golf league starts next week.

After two weeks in the new home, our refrigerator finally arrived. The supplier originally set the store the wrong model, but the store offered and provided a loaner without asking! Cheers to that family-owned appliance store!

Although we completed our move, I remind myself that others are also in the process, such as Raye (@Jots), Debra (@Airports), and Georgette (@Georgette) … plus Marina (@Art by) did so a few months ago. My heart goes out to those fine people because moving is incredibly stressful!

With all that in mind, now is the perfect time for your mid-week boost of satire courtesy of The Onion. This random batch of headlines also provides a chance for the willing to create their own satirical headline from the words in the headlines below. My combo is at the end, so good luck and have a good rest of the week.

Lunchbox mostly medication

Horrified man suddenly realizes he’s putting down roots in Charlotte

Media company lays off dozens of unskilled bloggers

New study shows bones are incredibly cool

Content could be hotter, more social

Majority of office’s supplies used to apply for different job

Man moving to new city never took time to truly loathe surroundings

Newly-tenured professor now inspired to work harder than ever

Nation terrified after millions lose consciousness for 8 hours last night

Report: Girlfriend’s parents could hear everything

My Combo: Man horrified to hear media company inspired to make girlfriend’s parents incredibly cool

Opinions in the Shorts: Vol. 214

On Politics
Cincinnati is in the final six for hosting the 2016 Republican convention. Given Ohio’s swing-state status and the fact that no Republican has never won the White House without winning Ohio, odds are good that the GOP will reward either my city or Cleveland.

Here’s one thing I find in common with the four Congressional leaders (Boehner, Pelosi, McConnell, and Reid). Whenever they have a new conference, I change the channel – which is what I also do with White House spokesperson Jay Carney’s daily briefings.

At the time of the passing the law, I told a friend (and reader here) that the abortion clause in the Affordable Care Act should have been something Democrats gave up. Now, we await word from the US Supreme Court regarding the Hobby Lobby challenge.

This week the US Supreme Court ruled (McCutcheon v. FEC) that money is a form of free speech regarding campaign contributions. I can accept this under two conditions: 1) No tax-exempt status for Political Action Groups, and 2) Identification/disclosure of donors and amounts – thus increasing transparency.

On This Week’s Headlines from The Onion
Parents reminisce to children about dating algorithm that brought them together
Lowly mortal opens portal to Hell
Mom leaves sweet little note for sixth grader in ADD prescription bottle
Levi’s factory implicated in cruel treatment of denim cows
Study finds majority of non-shark-related fears completely unjustified
New law requires Richard Gere to personally inform residents when he moves into a new neighborhood

Bonus Onions

Interesting Reads
Reforming political polarization from Brookings Institute (Link to abstract with download)
Columnist Ruth Marcus on a budget item
A view about dealing with Russia
Map animation of Europe between the two World Wars
Learning and pseudoscience

On Potpourri
This past Wednesday was Autism Awareness Day; and April is Autism Awareness Month. Here’s an article about the brains of autistic children.

I wonder this question about Vladimir Putin’s move regarding Crimea and Ukraine: Is he a good chess player or are his actions out of political necessity?

As the National Labor Relations Board ruled in favor of Northwestern University athletes being able to unionize, I wonder if colleges should offer “Sports” as a major.

Erin Andrews, the new Dancing with the Stars co-host, does much better than previous host Brooke Burke-Charvet.

My wife and I celebrated our 37th anniversary this week with a wonderful dinner at Cooper’s Hawk Winery and Restaurant.

I moved a few bloggers to my sidebar, and several onto the More Bloggers page. From the sidebar, checkout Claudine, Cindy, Dreamwalker, Hudson, List, Mind Margins, Pauline, and Trent. I hope to move a few more very soon.

Here are your weekend celebrations

  • (Weekend) Mule Days
  • (Fri) Walk to Work Day, Stray Animals Day, Vitamin C Day, Rat Day, Blame Someone Else Day, Chocolate Milk Powder Day, Cordon Bleu Day, Square Root Day
  • (Sat) Deep Dish Pizza Day, Pillow Fight Day, Tangible Karma Day, Every Day is Tag Day, Rubber Eraser Day, Dandelion Day, Caramel Day, and Raisin & Spice Day
  • (Sun) New Beers Eve, Hostess Twinkie Day, Tartan Day, Teflon Day, Caramel Popcorn Day, Free Tomato Day, Sorry Charlie Day

Here’s a classic gold song from the past to send you into the weekend – Long Cool Woman in a Black Dress (The Hollies). Have a safe weekend and in the words of Garrison Keillor, Be well, do good work, and keep in touch.

On Satire Bits: Vol. 88

Woo hoo! After a hiatus, the mid-week dose of satire (along with the combo challenge) is back for you to enjoy.

How was your going so far? On Monday I took a day for myself to go downtown for all the Opening Day hoopla. (I’ll report on that later). In return that means the rest of the week will be full of run around and more reorganizing.

Yesterday’s post about April celebrations included a BBC video about the spaghetti harvest. Coincidentally, the BBC also did this report about their 1957 … (or the post gave them the idea for the report.) A special thanks to Debra (at Bagni di Lucca & Beyond) for featuring my post in hers, which gave me a nice spike in stats.

On to the satirical headlines. For those willing to step up to the challenge, scramble the words in the headlines to make your unique headline. Mine is found at the end. Have a good rest of the week.

Spaced-out flowerchild groovin’ on a doobie wave

New leather-bound notebook to unleash area woman’s creativity

All-knowing invisible hand of free market guides millions in profits to nation’s bead stores

Hypochondriac maple tree convinced it has Asian Longhorn Beetles

Nation’s moms dance nude around moonlit bonfire to conjure spirit of Emma Thompson

Woman takes short, half-hour break from being feminist to enjoy TV show

Interns treated to informative 30-minute Q&A session with totally miserable employees

Laid-off man finally achieves perfect work-life balance

Nation’s lunatics lament rising cost of car meat

More Hollywood celebrities reproducing by asexual budding

My Combo: Spaced-out, all-knowing, laid-off, nude, hypochondriac lunatic profits from Q&A session with Emma Thompson