On the Approaching White Death

Death is upon Cincinnati’s doorstep. For the past few days, local weather forecasters have been discussing an impending winter storm. Monday started with a calm and a sense of daily certainty, but now, it’s Monday night and going into Tuesday, the White Death is nearing.

Grocery stores are mass mayhems. Bread, milk, and water are gone with no return in sight. People are fighting over spam, beanie weanies, and rutabagas.

Looting is across the metro area. People are selling their kids to parents in warmer countries in order to preserve their future of prosperity. Attorneys are inundated with will updates.  Bengal ownership is threatening to change their ways. Others are running through the streets while invoking the name of Al Gore. Oh my – the tyranny of it all!

Meanwhile, local media are readying for the school closing list, scheduling film crews to ride with road crews, and positioning reporters to all corners of the city – to the west and to the east – to the north and to the south – all in the name of foregoing national, world news, and pre-empting programming for the fear and pestilence that lies ahead … the predicted 2-to-5 inches of snow.

Meanwhile, on this day I must leave early to be amongst the hardworking Cincinnatians who pledge without fear to uphold the local work  ethic, as I embark on the slow drive to the dentist to receive the prep work to replace a crown.

Oh God – why do you forsake us! I never blamed the weather on Speaker Boehner! Oh, the music …

25 thoughts on “On the Approaching White Death

    • Larry,
      Please don’t say that as the White Death is still not here. Then again, most politicians will get their street cleared quickly. Thanks for visiting.


  1. Ya know, you guys in Ohio are a bunch a wimps! (There, that should get you a MESS of posts. Thank me later, Frank!) You guys whine and moan over a couple of lousy inches of snow. Chicago, we get nailed by FEET of the crap, and the schools are still open the next day, and the streets get plowed on time (at least while Da Mayor was alive – his son, not so much). We drive rear-wheel drive vehicles with half-bald tires and do fine. You guys have 4WD trucks and you end up doing doughnuts on the freeways! Wimps, I tells ya, wimps! :p (Sorry, the Chicagoan blood needs venting sometimes. I’m better now!)
    You know what the REAL cause is? There’s so much hot air in DC, the rising air column is drawing in cold air from up in Canada. (Hey, it’s all the moose-heads faults! Let’s invade Canada and show them what!) Oops, sorry, started channeling Rush there for a moment. Anyway, down comes the cold air from Canada, all the way down to poor old ice-coated Dixie! Of course global warming is happening – with so much hot air coming out of the politicians and the pundits, SOMETHING has to give! (And seriously, count yourself lucky. At this time last year, we had snow piles 8′ high around here! So this winter hasn’t been TOO bad…)


    • Yeah, I’ve seen some of the stuff. What a mess! And in all seriousness, they are NOT equipped to handle that stuff, at all levels. Nobody knows how to drive in it (with good reason – they don’t get snow and ice very often), they have no equipment, and the businesses don’t really know what to do (including the government). Did you see the goof, who spun his wheels so hard on the ice, that he SET HIS CAR ON FIRE? A car, burning on a solid sheet of ice. There’s your definition of “irony”, boys and girls!
      Personal memory of Atlanta. I was down there for a sci-fi convention back in March ’88. (That’s the only reason I traveled in the eighties, seriously!) I decided to go to Sea World one day. That night the low was 38 degrees; the high reached about 60. So there I stand, at Sea World, with the rest of the group who’s gonna take the tour. The guide says, “So, anybody from out of town?” and all eyes swivel to me. I’m in a T-shirt and jeans (it’s about 50-52 degrees at this point); everyone else is wearing sweatshirts, heavy coats, scarves, hats, gloves, the whole nine yards – no kidding. I’m comfortable, and everyone else is looking at me like I grew a third arm or something! I always loved occurrences like that!


    • Well, boys and girls, I gotta go to bed. If you don’t hear from me tomorrow, the White Death got me – it’s supposed to hit “sometime between 6am and 12 noon”. When the heck did a snow storm become the cable company? Anyway, if I don’t hear from you folk, I’ll assume that the White Death took Cincinnati. And best wishes to Melissa – may the Frozen Front of the White Death steer far clear of our resident southern belle; may the snow not sully her streets, and may the freezing rains leave her vehicle free of frosty fingers. Good luck, all! 🙂


      • Good Day John,
        White Death arrived in Cincinnati around 6 am … thus didn’t get to the east side for about 45 minutes … so I had an easy drive to the dentist. The return trip hoe as a bit slow. Of course you area of the state will shutdown!

        I know you have Chicago winters in your personal history, but hey … those ice storms across the south are terrible! Talk about standstill!!! Thanks for keeping everyone here on their toes.


  2. Frank,

    Welcome to my world!

    They don’t even bother giving us warnings, or else we’re just so tired of listening to them.

    Just make sure you have plenty of popcorn and hot chocolate on hand. Oh yeh bread and milk helps too!

    The best of luck!


    • Meesh,
      Snow arrived later than anticipated. Normal drive to the dentist, but I was watching it fall while in the dentist’s chair. Yes … the offices there have a view of the outside, even a bird feeder just outside the window. On the other hand, it was a slow drive home … but safe.

      I get to shovel in a few hours … at least it’s the fluffy, light stuff. I may have to keep some data regarding the local evening news. Have a good day.


  3. It started snowing about 30 minutes ago. No Armageddon, at least not yet. (I hope this post goes through. I’ve tried two others that vanished into that great bit bucket in the sky.) I hope it stays fluffy for all of us!


  4. Hi Frank!

    Enjoy the way you set up your posts–keep those creative juices flowing. I’m heading out to stock up and prepare for an oncoming snow storm as I type. Now, over to find my favorite Frank posts–“Opinions in the Short”…

    Have a great week! Safe travels!


  5. I’m not sure what you’re getting, Frank, but we’re getting heavy stuff. Not as much as you (I heard 3″ as of 12:30 or so), but we’ve got at least half an inch, and it’s still going full throttle. So good luck to all, be careful, and watch out for…..
    (dum dum DAH) The White Death! (woman screams…..)


    • It’s 3:50pm. Do you know where your road is? No, because the bloody thing is buried under SNOW!
      We’re up to 2″ at least, and it’s still snowing wet and heavy. Hope you can still get out your door, Frank. I’ve shoveled our front sidewalk 4 times now, and you still can’t see where it is! And the weather idiots are claiming another 12 hours of this for us down here. Yes, it really does look like there is no escape from … (dum dum DAH) The White Death! (woman screams)


      • John,
        Still surviving here. Forecasters at noon were saying it would done by 2 (thus meaning the time for me to shovel.) Well, I went out at 3 (still snowing), shoveled, and just checked the radar to see what could be a few more hours. At least it’s the light stuff. Meanwhile, I plan on staying warm, having some wine, then dinner. Thanks for the update.

        PS: Save the can goods.


      • Well, it’s a bit after 9pm, the snow has trickled off, but is due to restart shortly. We’ve gotten about 4-5″ – lot of blowing and drifting, as it gets colder and the snow gets fluffier.
        So good luck to all in the blizzard’s way, stay warm, and beware of …..
        Aw heck, you get the idea.


        • John,
          At least we didn’t get the wind … but I will have to shovel a small bit in the morning. Thanks for the update.


  6. Well, the snow is starting to taper. But there are other, far more serious weather topics on my mind. I ask all who have been chuckling over “The White Death” to take a moment, and cast your thoughts halfway around the world. Sri Lanka, still trying to put itself back together after a long and bloody war with the Tamil Tiger separatists, is suffering torrential flooding, with almost 1 million people affected. And a little further east, Queensland (Australia, but you knew that) is STILL suffering from 2 weeks of flooding, rivers that won’t crest until 4am their time (I think around 2pm US EST, but I may be wrong), and forecasts for more rain. All we got were a few measly inches of snow, and maybe a sore shoulder. Tens of thousands are homeless and have lost EVERYTHING. Spare a thought for those who would take a few inches of snow as a blessing. And remember, too, that the Haitians are still trying to rebuild over a year after their country was devastated by an earthquake. Be glad all we had to deal with was a little white fluff.


  7. Dude – Heads up. I think I see the return of the (whispers) “white death”. (Resumes volume) Have you checked the weather? I think there’s a scientific term for this – “OHMIGOD!”. Indianapolis is going to be the “see what happens” picket post. If we lose them – well, we’re digging in, just in case!


    • Hmm. Paint? So, you get bored, you start huffing paint? Or are you going to paint the ice so everyone can see it? Oh, wait, I get it. You’re buying glow-in-the-dark paint in case the power goes out! 😀
      Just don’t eat any of the paint. They claim it causes brain damage, but I ate a mess of it when I was young, and there’s nothing wrong with me… 😉


      • John,
        Major remodeling going on and the paint stage is upon us. So with the approaching ice, I’ve got the paint ready to go. With the approaching ice, thanks for the glow-in-the-dark idea! Dang, wish I would have eaten paint when I was young. FYI: Latest Cincy forecast has the most-nasty stuff to the north, and even potential of not so bad here … then again, subject to change.


      • Yeah, they’re giving us the “depends on where it goes” routine. Sick as it sounds to say this, I’m hoping for the rain-intensive track. Yeah, it might drop our power, but we’re ready for that option. If it comes as rain, most of the effects will be gone by Saturday. If it comes as snow, we’re gonna be in trouble. I haven’t seen an actual Chicago forecast, but the US world news is talking about as much as 2 feet back home! I’m not sure where we’d put 2 feet here – not so much from the existing snow, but with the whole church frontage needing to be cleared, that makes for a LONG walk with shovelfuls of snow!


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