On Missing a Peel

I stayed away from the internet while on the ship last week, which also has the downside of not reading my favorite bloggers and keeping up with the news – especially the satirical news from The Onion. With that in mind, here are some of the headlines I missed. Which is your favorite?

Deadbeat Congressman Spends Time with Constituents for First Time in Months

Obama Now Attempting to Get Each Word of Jobs Bill Passed Individually

Coal Lobby Warns Wind Farms May Blow Earth Off Orbit

Rams Take First Down Off to Enjoy the Beautiful Field Position

Adult Bookstore to Enhance Shopping Experience with Café

An Over-the-Top Chinese salute to Lady Gaga, with old people

Chicken Pox Lollipops Ineffective

NBA Says They Can Still Salvage a 10-Game Season

Google Opt Out Feature Lets Users Protect Privacy by Moving to Remote Village

Are Tests Biased Against Students Who Don’t Give A Shit?

Ford Unveils New Car for Cash-Strapped Buyers: The 1993 Taurus

Save Money by Taking a Vacation Entirely in Your Mind

Security Guards Chase Naked USA Fan Around White House

Jennifer Lopez Comes Out with Own Clothesline Line

Facebook Increases User Control with New ‘Cancel Account’ Feature