On Satirical News Bits: Vol. 5

Nothing like a dose of satire to get one over the midweek hump. Which is your favorite?

Congress Debates Merits of New Catchphrase

Oprah Views Patiently Awaiting Instructions

Man who Stayed-up until Dawn Eating Mice Refers to Self as Night Owl

Area Man’s Hard Work finally Pays Off for Employer

Presidential Fitness Test now Awarded to any Kid who can Eat without Sweating

Surgeon General: Smoking is Fine as Long as You Do it when Drinking

Werewolf Apparently Allergic to Peanuts

Duck Tells Self, “Maybe Hang Out in the Water Awhile, then Look for some Old Bread”

Nation’s Weirdest Teen Buys Season 1 DVD of Murphy Brown

Area Dad Hopes Son’s Interest in Long Jumping Just a Phase

Father Not Letting Firstborn Repeat Mistakes He Made as Nine-Month-Old

Study Finds Getting Smacked Right in the Mouth with a Goddamn Tree Branch Really Sucks