On Satirical News Bits: Vol. 6

Here’s some midweek satire to lead you toward the weekend. Thank you Onion! Any favorites?

Photographer Has Basketball Player Hold Arms Outstretched with a Ball in Each Hand

Josh Hartnett Returns to Pearl Harbor for First Time since Film

New Robot Warns when someone’s about to Walk in on You Masturbating

Ways to Teach Uninformed People

Family Passes around Phone so Each could have Identical Conversations with Aunt Sally

Shitty Graffiti Artist Captures 19-Year-Old Girl’s Heart

Cute 8-Year-Old Starting To Realize How Much Better She Is Than Ugly Girls

Area Man Carefully Weighs One Side of Argument

New Wearable Feedbags Let Americans Eat More, Move Less

Guy Who Holds Yardsticks Picks Up Some Side Work Measuring Carpet

Anthropologist Traces Human Origins Back to One Large Goat

Biden Pins Up Guitar Lesson Flyer on White House Bulletin Board (The pic of this makes it worth seeing)