On Satire News Bits: Vol. 8

As my wife is cruising the Caribbean, I’m slaving away with chores, thus having very little time for myself. After two days at sea, a stop in Jamaica, and on the  way to Grand Cayman, I imagine she’s ready to come home as soon as possible.

With all this in mind, here are a few headlines from The Onion to get us over the mid-week hump. Do you have a favorite among these?

Nobody Notices Postal Stamps Now $30

Arby’s Charging $2.99 to Let Customers go Behind Counter to Grab Handfuls of Roast Beef

New Desk Chair is a Boring Dream Come True

Area Man Carefully Weighs One Side of Argument

Area Man Forces Self to Drink Free Refill

FDA Urges Americans to Check Out Weird-Looking Potato

New Law Prohibits Kaleidoscoping While Driving

Australian Tournament Cancelled as Tennis Balls Fall Off Bottom of Earth into the Sky

Area Couple Vows Never to go Dildo Shopping Again while Horny

World’s Greatest Trombonist Just Tells People He Works in Marketing

Virulent Strain of Soy Flu Traced to Single Tofurkey