On Satire News Bits: Vol. 13

With yesterday’s post about lung cancer being a bit on the heavy side of life, maybe you are like me and need a bit of satire to lighten your mood – or possibly even change your mood to the better. With this post I reach back into past headlines from The Onionย with hopes that there will be at least one that will tickle your fancy. Do you have a favorite?

Chardonnay Vomited into NPR Tote

World Bank Forecloses on World Farm

Trail of Rose Petals Leads Wife to Sink Full of Dishes

Yard Sales Reeks of Divorce

Cost of Living Now Outweighs Benefits

Cute Couple on Same Antidepressant

Loft Apartments Converted Back to Mayonnaise Factory

Getting Randomly Picked to Make Half-Court Shot Now Best Way to Make a Living

Meth Addicts Demand Government Address Nationโ€™s Growing Spider Menace

Nation Unsure What to do with Information that Golfer Padraig Harrington Wears Citizen Watches

Red Lobster Offers New Top-Hat-Full-of-Shrimp to Attract Wealthier Customers

National Endowment of the Arts Funds Construction of $1.3 Billion Poem

46 thoughts on “On Satire News Bits: Vol. 13

  1. I’m torn between the “cost of living” and the “random half-court shot” headlines. What’s the old joke? “My take-home pay won’t even take me home!” ๐Ÿ˜‰
    Bring the cat in, pal. We’re gonna freeze our butts again! ๐Ÿ˜€

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  2. Hi,
    A few to pick from today. ๐Ÿ™‚

    “Trail of Rose Petals Leads Wife to Sink Full of Dishes”
    Oh yes I can easily picture this happening.

    “Yard Sales Reeks of Divorce”
    Yep sell everything including the kitchen sink.

    “Loft Apartments Converted Back to Mayonnaise Factory”
    Now that all the factories are bankrupt, you have to make the mayonnaise somewhere.

    “Red Lobster Offers New Top-Hat-Full-of-Shrimp to Attract Wealthier Customers”
    Oh yes all the wealthier customers are hiding so the Governments don’t find them.

    ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜†

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    • Mags,
      Glad there were some to capture your attention. On a serious note, a curious question about OZ. In many urban areas in the US, vacant factories and other business buildings are converted into loft apartments. Is that also true in OZ? Thanks for visiting and sharing your favorites.

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      • Yes it does happen, but not as wide spread as in the US. They really are far and few between. If you were looking for one, you most likely would not find one. ๐Ÿ™‚

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  3. Wow Frank….so many good ones to choose from! I’ll go with ‘Chardonnay Vomited into NPR Tote’. What else would do with a NPR thank you gift in the $100 or greater donation category?!

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        • So how do you feel about a man who vacuums AND does the dishes? (No, not me – I’m on a permanent ban from the kitchen! ๐Ÿ˜€ )

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        • I think I would be pushing my luck to wish for both. Navar will do dishes once in a blue moon. A permanent ban from the kitchen? A large fire or perhaps a big cooking disaster story? :+)

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        • Many small (well, not-so-small) kitchen disasters. I leave kitchens looking like a hurricane hit – after boiling water for tea. I have no idea how, but I can dirty a dozen items getting a slice of cheese and a box of crackers. Therefore, the rest of the house is shared duty (yes, including vacuuming), but I do not cook. EVER.
          It’s safer that way, for everybody. ๐Ÿ˜‰

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        • Thats Funny sounds like you have it all worked out :+) I’ve had a cooking disaster or two over the years. Thats good to share the house duties I’m sure that is appreciated. Never ever cooking thats hard for me to imagine, but I guess it’s possiable. Glad your keeping things safe.

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        • Yeah, I just go out and wield dangerous power tools while looped out of my mind on Vicodin. Safety first, right? ๐Ÿ˜‰

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        • Starla and John,
          I’m not that good with power tools, but I do grocery shop, cook, vacuum, and clean bathrooms. Meanwhile, reading the banter between the two of you has been a treat!

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        • Hi Frank I’m not sure how we got off the track on to power tools and such.

          It’s a wonderful thing when a man can do all of the above I’m sure your wife thinks so as well. Happy Wife Happy Life. Thats what Navar was saying this evening. :+) Probably some truth to that.

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        • Frank can testify that I don’t have a train of thought, so much as a Vege-matic of thought. I’m like North Korea – you’re never sure what’s gonna come out of me, but you can be sure everyone’s wondering “What the heck is THAT?”. ๐Ÿ˜‰

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        • But .. but … where’s the fun if the tools ain’t dangerous? Jeez, next thing I know, you’re gonna tell me to unload my guns BEFORE I clean ’em! Spoilport! ๐Ÿ˜€

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        • I can be a spoilsport but a safe spoilsport. For some reason this reminds me of the comedy routine where someone takes a a chainsaw to a persons leg. The chain is gone so it’s just the sound of the power chain saw. The poor person has a bit of melt down not realizing that the other person didn’t just cut off there leg. I can’t remember what that was from pretty funny though in a sick sort way. :+)

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    • Boomer,
      Welcome first-time commenter! Lately I have been posting headlines from The Onion on Wednesdays, plus a use a few in my Friday post (Opinions in the Shorts). So hey … you are welcome to return. Thanks for visiting and commenting.

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  4. Hilarious as usual. What makes the Onion stuff so funny? I guess it’s so close to true that it works. I’ll take the rose petals and Meth addicts. Fortunately, I moved out of LA so it’s not a description of my neighborhood.

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    • Les,
      The Onion has to have good writers with a warped sense of humor. Gotta wonder some of the headlines that didn’t make the cut for use! Meanwhile, good choices! Thanks for commenting.

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