On Satire News Bits: Vol. 14

How has the first part of your going? For whatever reason, this week has delivered a few unexpected bumps in the road as I just can’t get on a roll!

I cannot image what it must be like to work at The Onion. For every headline and story the provide, I wonder what are the headlines that didn’t make the cut! Nonetheless, I thank them for there daily delivery of humor to us. For your mid-week energy spurt to propel you toward the weekend, here’s a few satirical headlines. Any favorites?

Frightened Man Wakes Up Knowing Exactly Where He Is

Semester-at-Sea Student Steals Anchor for Dorm Room

Offensive Lineman Uses Expressive Poetry to Move Linebacker

Sobbing Man Won’t Let go of Stranger’s Dog

Man Who Just Got Assembled Desk Unsure How he has Every Screw Left Over

Authority Calls for Closing of Area Rough House

Phantom of the Opera Viewers Treated for Post-Melodramatic Disorder

New Walgreen’s Plugin Allows Users to See what Prescriptions Friends are Picking Up

Man Pathetically Waiting for that Email that Changes Everything

Greeting Each Other Like Normal Human Beings Impossible for Local Friends

Nutella Left in Jar Reports Depression

5-Year Old Wants to be Overworked Haitian Nanny when He Grows Up