On Satire News Bits: Vol. 14

How has the first part of your going? For whatever reason, this week has delivered a few unexpected bumps in the road as I just can’t get on a roll!

I cannot image what it must be like to work at The Onion. For every headline and story the provide, I wonder what are the headlines that didn’t make the cut! Nonetheless, I thank them for there daily delivery of humor to us. For your mid-week energy spurt to propel you toward the weekend, here’s a few satirical headlines. Any favorites?

Frightened Man Wakes Up Knowing Exactly Where He Is

Semester-at-Sea Student Steals Anchor for Dorm Room

Offensive Lineman Uses Expressive Poetry to Move Linebacker

Sobbing Man Won’t Let go of Stranger’s Dog

Man Who Just Got Assembled Desk Unsure How he has Every Screw Left Over

Authority Calls for Closing of Area Rough House

Phantom of the Opera Viewers Treated for Post-Melodramatic Disorder

New Walgreen’s Plugin Allows Users to See what Prescriptions Friends are Picking Up

Man Pathetically Waiting for that Email that Changes Everything

Greeting Each Other Like Normal Human Beings Impossible for Local Friends

Nutella Left in Jar Reports Depression

5-Year Old Wants to be Overworked Haitian Nanny when He Grows Up

35 thoughts on “On Satire News Bits: Vol. 14

  1. Hi,
    Oh yes I like a few of these:

    “Frightened Man Wakes Up Knowing Exactly Where He Is”
    A good UFO yarn I am sure of it.

    “Man Who Just Got Assembled Desk Unsure How he has Every Screw Left Over”
    I can relate.

    “New Walgreen’s Plugin Allows Users to See what Prescriptions Friends are Picking Up”
    This could be a good idea, especially if you have had a fight with a friend, you just never know what might turn up in your drink or food, this idea will surely give you a heads up.

    “Greeting Each Other Like Normal Human Beings Impossible for Local Friends”
    This confirms the UFO yarn. 😀

    Like

  2. Thye are all so good it is hard to choose! But “Greeting Each Other Like Normal Human Being Impossible for Local Friends” take top honors tonight! Thanks, my whole year thus far has seemed to be off, hard to get on a roll.

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    • Patti,
      Maybe this satire list will help get your year back on track … if only life was so easy. Thanks for visiting and sharing your favorite! PS: I favor the anchor and the Nutella.

      Like

  3. I used to invetigate UFOs, so I’ve heard quite a few “yarns” over the years, and typically had beer as a common denominator.

    Like

    • ArtBlab,
      Welcome first-time commenter! Glad to know you enjoy The Onion. FYI: On many Wednesdays I feature headlines from The Onion’s past … plus on Friday’s Opinions in the Shorts will have a short segment from them as well. Hope you return and thanks for commenting.

      Like

  4. Dear Frank, you are so nice, so nice so nice. Thank you, I am not saying only for this post, but almost for your nice heart… Actually you know I have nominated some of blogger friends, today, BUT you are my nominated name for all awards and for all times… Blessing and Happiness, with my love, nia

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  5. Okay Frank explain this one to me.. “Frightened Man Wakes Up Knowing Exactly Where He Is”. You should’ve seen my bewildered face when I saw this.. that was funny within itself lol

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  6. Haha, I’m thinking you have to have a different perspective on life to work there! Hmmm, the Onion, peeling back the layers…of what, I’m not sure! Thanks for stopping by my blog and leaving a comment today! I really appreciate it and love making new blogging buds. Off to see what you are up to here.

    Like

    • Margie,
      Welcome first-time commenter! I imagine to work at The Onion, having a twisted sense of humor may be a requirement! I would love to hear the suggestions that don’t make the cut. Thanks for stopping by and you return.

      Like

  7. “Frightened Man Wakes Up Knowing Exactly Where He Is”
    “Sobbing Man Won’t Let go of Stranger’s Dog” Awww
    “Man Who Just Got Assembled Desk Unsure How he has Every Screw Left Over” I believe this I put a desk together once and I think I had a few screws left.
    “Man Pathetically Waiting for that Email that Changes Everything” So …what if it was a woman. So…..:+)
    “New Walgreen’s Plugin Allows Users to See what Prescriptions Friends are Picking Up” That could be interesting.

    Lots of good choices Thanks that was fun.

    Like

  8. The Wall Greens App. would make the developer Billions of Dollars. I want one so I can tell better who I am working with. Pretty funny headline. My all time Onion favorite was: Supreme Court Overturns Car. It was accompanied by a picture of an upside down car on the courthouse steps.

    Like

  9. Oh son, you do NOT want that Walgreen’s app! My list alone would blow your entire bandwidth for a month, not to mention overloading the memory! 😀

    Like

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