On Satire News Bits: Vol. 16

I golfed Tuesday evening, and a round with no rhythm, poor execution, and even worse decision making adds up to one of my worst rounds – therefore – I need a laugh! So let’s go for a midweek chuckle courtesy of The Onion. Any favorites?

Earlobe Now Stretched Long Enough to Hang Self With

Area Moms Freaks Out Again for No Apparent Reason

Hopes and Dreams Crushed by Panel of D-List Celebrities

Desperate Small Town Erects World’s Largest Fiberglass Chili Dog

New Homeowner Suddenly Fascinated by Molding

Headlights Caught in Deer

Cool Cat Sitters Lets Cats Stay Up All Night

Alien World to Help Out Syria Since This One Refuses Too

91 Year Old an Expert at Outliving

Undergraduate Student Under Graduate Student

Americans Spend 90% of Waking Hours Starring at Glowing Rectangles

Microbrewer Trying to Work Dog into Name of New Seasonal Beer

54 thoughts on “On Satire News Bits: Vol. 16

  1. I’m on my way home from work 14 hours after I got there, so a bad evening of golf still sounds pretty good! πŸ˜‰
    While dog name at microbrewery is more up my alley, I’m gonna go with 91 year old outliver.

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    • Guapo,
      Ouch … that’s a long day. But I get the reward as you are the first to comment on this post – and within minutes to boot! Woo hoo!!! Thanks for taking the time at the end of a long day!

      Like

  2. under graduate. my favorite there. i think there were a couple of typos, like the deer one? not sure. how’s your golf game? rusty? getting back into it? play regularly?

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    • Rich,
      Thanks for spotting the deer glitch … corrected! Much of my struggles does have to do with rust. Although last night was horrible, I will return for more and try to work myself back into form. Thanks for commenting.

      Like

  3. Hi,
    “Desperate Small Town Erects World’s Largest Fiberglass Chili Dog”
    I know exactly how this little town feels, our little towns and some big ones here in OZ love to have the World’s Largest. We have a range of fruit believe it or not. These things work too, the tourists do come. πŸ˜†

    “Cool Cat Sitters Lets Cats Stay Up All Night”
    Honestly you really have watch these sitters.

    “Alien World to Help Out Syria Since This One Refuses Too”
    Which one?

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  4. Shame about your round of golf. And as for that earlobe – is it one of those earlobes that has been permanently disfigured by those ‘spacers’ the teenage rebels are putting through their ears these days? I can’t stand them. And don’t they know there is no recovery from such an action? And do they think what they’ve done makes them more attractive? I grew up thinking the best thing I could do with myself was work towards improvements not disfigurements xx

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  5. I’m liking “Hopes and Dreams Crushed by Panel of D-List Celebrities”, symptomatic of how we are managing to evolve into a lesser species. Still more grist for the fasab mill I suppose.

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  6. I went golfing once after taking 18 hrs to complete 18 holes discovered when trying to tally my score that I couldn’t count that high. Needless to say that hasn’t happened again. πŸ™‚

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  7. Hey, just be glad there aren’t any island greens at GEGC, or you’d still be out there! Meanwhile, I liked: Hopes and Dreams Crushed by Panel of D-List Celebrities.

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  8. I’ve been wanting to pick up golf…would you suggest that I also add many humorous novels and stuff to my collection to help ease the pain.

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    • TBM,
      Golf is a good game. The key to me is temperament. At one end is the person who can’t enjoy the game because it gets into their head and whoops them every time. At the other end of the scale is the person who knows they aren’t very good, but just enjoy getting out. In other words, judging yourself will tell you a lot about how you will feel about taking up the game. Thanks for asking!

      Like

  9. lol! They’re all good, but this one stood out for me:

    Microbrewer Trying to Work Dog into Name of New Seasonal Beer

    I used to homebrew (my husband has taken it over), and naming beers was always beyond my talents, but the guys in the homebrew club (there were no women brewing in our club) were always coming up with something that included an animal (the dog being the #1 choice) in the title. Cats are popular too.

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  10. I like the fibreglass hot dog – that sounds SO much like something one of these little hamlets around here would do. Though the 90% staring at rectangles is dangerously close to the truth.
    And remember, “Golf is a nice walk, spoiled by a little white ball”. πŸ˜€

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    • John,
      You have hit on my two favorite headlines of this batch! Oh no – what does that say about me?!!!! In terms of golf, come to think about it, I wasn’t happy with the ball I was playing with last night! And yes, I am superstitious enough to switch balls. Thanks for visiting.

      Like

  11. “Americans Spend 90% of Waking Hours Starring at Glowing Rectangles”
    Starring at a glowing screen right now looking up at another the TV with the morning News.

    I’m thinking golf is like fishing it’s not how many fish you catch but how often you get to go. :+)

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    • Starla,
      I love that headline too! Some look at golf in the light you have shared. For me, playing in a league at least gets me to play once a week. I would like to play more often, but I try to control myself. Thanks for visiting.

      Like

    • Frank,
      See … that’s it! LOL … I just have to add that one of the traits of good satire is the realism … and your points support that. Many thanks for explanation!

      Like

  12. so did you get the ball in the clowns mouth or in the windmill? aaah I crack myself up. Ya I live in golf heaven 100’s of golf courses have not a played a full round only driving range or putting. I am sure I would kill a duck flying by…

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    • Airport,
      Many thanks for the links because I always appreciate good headline chuckles! .. and yes, I too miss Alex. I’m sure she is busy, but I’m not sure of the Texas primary date … but it has to be soon. Thanks for commenting.

      Like

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