On Satire Bits: Vol. 23

How’s your week going? I just returned from my golf league, and I actually played well tonight. (That’s two in a row.) My driver continues to give me fits, so it may be time to  use updated technology for better tee shots.

Given last Wednesday was a U.S. holiday, it’s been two weeks since the last midweek dose of satire. So here’s a dozen from The Onion to propel you toward the weekend. Any favorites?

NASCAR to Race on Side-Stage of Country Music Festival

94% South Dakotans Unprepared for Mt. Rushmore Faces Coming Alive and Eating Everyone

14 Feelings Hurt in Local Teasing Incident

German Luftwaffle Chain Offers Waffles and Air Superiority

Quiet Temporary Worker Actually Very Talented Singer-Songwriter

Everyone at Bar Wondering How Everyone Else at Bar has the Energy

Losing Team Pretends the Homeless at Bus Station are Fans Welcoming Team Home

First McDonald’s Opens with a Young Grimace Just Starting Out as a Cashier

New Desperate Poverty Video Game Blamed for Urban Violence

Scientists Find Thousands of Previously Undiscovered Species Cowering in Amazon Rainforest

Running Man Passes Screaming Man

High Unemployment Linked to Man with 42,000 Jobs