How’s your week going? I just returned from my golf league, and I actually played well tonight. (That’s two in a row.) My driver continues to give me fits, so it may be time to use updated technology for better tee shots.
Given last Wednesday was a U.S. holiday, it’s been two weeks since the last midweek dose of satire. So here’s a dozen from The Onion to propel you toward the weekend. Any favorites?
NASCAR to Race on Side-Stage of Country Music Festival
94% South Dakotans Unprepared for Mt. Rushmore Faces Coming Alive and Eating Everyone
14 Feelings Hurt in Local Teasing Incident
German Luftwaffle Chain Offers Waffles and Air Superiority
Quiet Temporary Worker Actually Very Talented Singer-Songwriter
Everyone at Bar Wondering How Everyone Else at Bar has the Energy
Losing Team Pretends the Homeless at Bus Station are Fans Welcoming Team Home
First McDonald’s Opens with a Young Grimace Just Starting Out as a Cashier
New Desperate Poverty Video Game Blamed for Urban Violence
Scientists Find Thousands of Previously Undiscovered Species Cowering in Amazon Rainforest
Running Man Passes Screaming Man
High Unemployment Linked to Man with 42,000 Jobs
A Frank Angle 
Ta-Da!!!! I’m first! I’m first!! O.k….Mt. Rushmore, 14 feelings hurt in teasing incident and Running Man passes Screaming Man…LOVE THESE 🙂
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Zannyro,
Congrats on being the first to find joy with the latest edition of satire bits … and liking more than one is a sign of a good list! Thanks for commenting … and for being first.
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It’s good to be employed but I wouldn’t want to have 42,000 jobs. Glad your golf game is on the up and up xx
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Spiced,
Good job … so that person should give up at least half of them! It’s been a touch-and-go golf season for me, so hopefully I’m turning a corner. Thanks for commenting.
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glad on golf new Frank, glad it is going so well….
the satire bits were super fun.the losing team, everyone at bar, running man and jobless one are hilarious….
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Soma,
More than one favorite is always a good sign. Glad you enjoyed them and thanks for commenting.
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“Quiet Temporary Worker Actually Very Talented Singer-Songwriter” – oh, how could I resist this? 🙂
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Lynn,
Of course I knew you couldn’t resist that one! 🙂 Thanks for visiting.
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The Luftwaffle one really struck me. I’m a sucker for puns that give a sense of ridiculousness to something that is normally conjures serious and dangerous images.
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Dave,
I must say that when I first saw that one, I chuckled! Thanks for commenting.
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Haha, well played in our comments section. I think fifth-level comments are the maximum allowed on our current template, so I couldn’t reply to yours, or perhaps it’s the blogging gods deciding that such an esteemed honor must be earned on earnest comments, rather than gamesmanship, even though I was enjoying our little banter 🙂
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Dave,
No problem … dang – I should have replied on yours with a new string! 🙂
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I have to say I thought all of the headlines were clever. But my favorites are the Luftwaffle one, the one with McDonald’s and a young Grimace, the one where everyone at the bar wonders where everyone gets the energy, and the undiscovered species cowering in the corner.
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Weebs,
Having more than one favorite means it was a good list. Thanks for commenting.
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rushmore. it reminds me of the question CNN asked as to whether people thought romney or obama would do better at handling an alien invasion.
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Rich,
Alright … someone with a sense of humor about Rushmore! Thanks for commenting.
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This one got the biggest smile for me – “14 Feelings Hurt in Local Teasing Incident”. Thanks.
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Fasab,
A wide variety of favs in this post. Thanks for sharing yours.
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Yay for golf-success 😉 and most people can’t find A job, much less 42k. That’s excessive, to say the least. Just omg
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Squishy,
Glad you got a chuckle from the one holding all those jobs. Now if I can just keep the golf game within my parameters. 🙂 Thanks for visiting.
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How does anyone have the energy for 42,000 jobs? I could cry for that losing team. 😆
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Paradise,
All I can think is the person must be Super Man/Super Woman. Thanks for visiting and sharing your favs.
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It is very hot summer day in here today… nearly 40C degrees…
what am I doing…. hmmmm! not going out, not playing golf and not dancing 🙂 but I was busy writing letters to my classmate in Alaska, For Yukon… At the end I finished the big floor pillows of dear Julie and time to send them all now but tomorrow I think… it is late now… Thank you dear Frank, have a nice day, love, nia
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Nia,
Ouch … I know that’s hot! Good for you writing letters to your Alaska friend! Thanks for stopping by to say hello!
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Actually, the Luftwaffles thing is from the Simpsons. It was one of the restaurants along their fast-food row.
I worry less about the 94% of SD residents surprised, and more about the 6% who actually EXPECTED the faces to come to life!
And just as I write this, a great mystery has been solved. Small flags marking veterans graves were disappearing from a graveyard in Hudson, NY. The thief? A groundhog. So beware, it isn’t just radical Muslims out to destroy the US. We’re being undermined even as we speak! 😀
Oh, and the NASCAR one? I think the reverse is actually true – they run country music concerts on the sidelines of NASCAR races. They just have to stand the musicians to the right, ’cause NASCAR drivers only know how to turn left! 😉
So much distance between us, and yet so well connected. You’re out hacking at grass with a golf club, I’m out hacking at grass with a weed whacker. Maybe I need to get a good 7 iron! 😀
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John,
Rodents … those darn rodents do a number of us in so many ways. But wait – maybe they were being used for a special den celebration! In terms of the Luftwaffles on the Simpsons. Do they offer air superiority? Good news John – rain may be on the way, thus water for the weeds to grow faster! Thanks for commenting.
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Congrats on golf game, I understand the importance of this. Really I do.
Running man…perfect
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Valentine,
Well thank you for understanding the importance of a golf game. (I must say, the game doesn’t attack me mentally as it does others.) Thanks for sharing your favorite.
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“Running man passes screaming man” I wonder if he had a recorder to record the doppler shift in sound. Maybe the follow up article could be “Doppler effect damaged by running man passing screaming man”
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Mobius,
That seems to be a hit in this post … love your follow up article. 🙂 Thanks for sharing!
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This one resonates with me, “Everyone at Bar Wondering How Everyone Else at Bar has the Energy,” because my friend, Coco, and I were at “that” bar Tuesday night thinking exactly that. She’s promised me that she’s going to make your Limoncello recipe. If she makes good on her promise, I’ll you know how it came out!
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Lame,
Woo hoo … Limoncello is on the way for the rescue! Go Coco Go! Thanks for sharing your fav.
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94% South Dakotans Unprepared for Mt. Rushmore Faces Coming Alive and Eating Everyone–quite bizarre! 🙂 Debra
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Debra,
I think you may have used the perfect adjective for that one! Thanks for visiting.
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They all made me chuckle or laugh, but Running Man Passes Screaming Man really cracked me up. Thanks, Frank. 🙂
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Robin,
Glad you were able to find one … and that happens to be a hit with many others. Thanks for commenting.
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Wondering how the other 6% of South Dakotans have prepared.
But I’ll have to go with “Everyone at Bar” in a fine example of true-life humor.
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Guapo,
Gotta wonder if your bar experience influenced the decision. 😉 Thanks for giving us your favs.
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42,000 Job man for me Frank – he’s a busy lad!
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Ginger,
Not only busy … but very impressive and one heck of an organizer. Thanks for visiting.
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Love the “14 Feelings Hurt in Local Teasing Incident.” Did one person have 14 different feelings hurt, or were 14 people psychologically harmed?
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John,
Great question & dilemma … but I don’t know. Thanks for adding to the puzzle. 🙂
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