On Satire Bits: Vol. 28

Getting back into my normal routine hasn’t been easy since returning from vacation. At least I’ve finally completed my rounds of visiting. Hopefully I haven’t forgotten anyone.

After 3 weeks away from golf league and seeing our lead drastically shrink, I had a strong return yesterday and the team did well too.  Meanwhile, I have been teasing with announcements regarding a celebration here on Saturday – which can spill into Sunday. Well – here is the scoop – Saturday will be post #1000! So, I invite you and all your friends for a visit. The more the merrier, so tell your friends to visit and comment.

A toast to GingerFightBack for saying he missed my headlines from The Onion. Without any further delay, here’s some midweek satire. Any favorites?

Last Male Heir Watches Movie Alone on Laptop

Chicago Cubs Combine Seven Players to form One Giant Player called “Chicagozor”

Reporters Struggle to Maintain Energy until Election

CSI Set to Perform at Next Super Bowl Halftime Show

“Player to be Named Later” in 1992 Trade Finally Named

Putin Learn Putin Behind Plot to Assassinate Putin

Local Women would have Baked Blueberry Muffins I Jury was Sequestered

Severe Allergic Reaction Causes Florida to Swell Up Twice Normal Size

Former Spy Telescopes Turn to Space

Mismatched Tupperware Lids not a Problem after Devastating House Fire

Physicists Discover Our Universe is Fictional Setting of Cop Show called “Hard Case”

Executive Quits Fast Track to Spend More Time with Possessions

59 thoughts on “On Satire Bits: Vol. 28

  1. There too many really funny headlines this week it would be a lot of cut and paste.
    I will stop by on Saturday for the celebration. Shall I bring deviled eggs or perhaps a side salad? Feeling silly congratulations early on 1000 posts that’s a lot of posting and editing that’s for sure. Keep up the good work. ( I checked my 0’s last time I remember I added a 0 or two to your milestone. )


    • Starla,
      Glad to know that this batch caused multiple chuckles. As for Saturday, your presence is the most important thing … besides …. the event is catered … plus Guapo is in charge of music (but he doesn’t know it yet). See ya then … and thanks for commenting.


  2. This one really made me laugh: Mismatched Tupperware Lids not a Problem after Devastating House Fire. Earlier today, I was trying to find the right lid to one of my bowls and failed. Blasted!


  3. Wow, you’re fast approaching post 1,000. You must be in the running for the Cal Ripken, Jr. blogosphere award — plus you really do write posts. You’re not the type that publishes bloat like a picture of a flower with the caption, “Spring!” I’m looking forward to whatever you come up with over the weekend.

    Gotta say I’m with my fellow commenters about the mismatched Tupperwear Lids Onion headline, too.


    • Paradise,
      Hooray … even South Africans appreciate the tupperware lids headline. (It seems to be a popular choice). Meanwhile, hope to see you on Saturday … and feel free to invite your friends. 🙂


  4. Well, I have to officially vote for the Cubs one, though the physicist one is also pretty good. I would vote for the reporters maintaining their energy, but that’s just a BIT too close to the truth! 😀
    One thousand posts, eh? Wow! Not too many bloggers can (or in the future, will 😉 ) be able to top that. Congrats!


    • John,
      No congrats yet as this is 998. Meanwhile, good choices on the headlines! Of course I figured the physicists one would grab your attention. 😉 Make sure you stop by Saturday! Who knows, maybe I’ll get some surprise guests. Thanks for commenting.


  5. The ‘Putin’ one is pretty good. Then again just saying ‘Putin’ aloud is funny.

    On the verge of a thousand post you say. Wow! Stay safe till then, no running with scissors..

    At the speed am going I’ll have to hire someone to continue posthumously for me to achieve a 1000 post -hmmm, wonder what Putin is up to.

    By the way I see your comments on a couple of blogs we both visit and given all the hype surrounding your big weekend. I thought I better come over before the big event.


    • Howl,
      A welcome to any first-time commenter … and a special welcome because we cross paths elsewhere. The Putin one is just flat out funny to me. As I suggested to Fasab, if you haven’t seen him singing Blueberry Hill, it’s worth it. 🙂 Meanwhile, you are very welcome to attend Saturday’s festivities, and yes – your friends are welcome as well. PS: I typically do a post like this on Wednesdays … but also include some stuff from The Onion on Friday’s Opinions in the Shorts. Thanks for commenting.


  6. Have to go with Tupperware lids too. but I wonder if the frustration at not finding the right one led to the homeowner starting the fire.

    Congratulations on 1000 to be Frank, which I’ll repeat on Saturday. Always a pleasure to read your posts.
    And what would you like for a playlist (Ravel’s Bolero is the opener)?


    • Guapo,
      The tupperware one is the unquestionable leader of the day. Meanwhile, good point about the fire’s origin! No playlist is needed as you get full reign (well, unless I give a request). Just a reminder, my left hand is prosthetic because Shania touched my original left hand. By the way, tell your friends they are welcome on Saturday. Thanks for commenting.


  7. Good bunch of onions this week. I’ve missed them.
    I like the tupperware one as well, but my winner is “Severe Allergic Reaction Causes Florida to Swell Up Twice Normal Size”, no accounting for taste,eh? “Putin Learn Putin Behind Plot to Assassinate Putin” was well up in the running too, after all this super hero macho man of action has done nearly everything else.

    Looking forward to Saturday. If there isn’t an award for this achievement I’m going to start one, so brace yourself. I”ll call it the “Mil Post” award and I’m thinking all you’ll have to do is tell everyone 1,000 random facts about yourself and nominate 1,000 other eligible recipients :()

    PS: I’m serious about the award, but maybe not the last bit 😉


    • Fasab,
      There is something about the Putin one that also cracks me up. Have you ever seen the video of him singing Blueberry Hill. (Yep, Putin on the Ritz ;)) … if not, it’s on YouTube (and somewhere here too). Great idea for the Mil Award, and the requirements are a hoot. Use your writing style to include the reqs, but then add a disclaimer. Meanwhile, thanks for commenting and see you Saturday. Your friends are welcome!


    • Tim,
      You know me well enough to know to understand this comment … I have not yet reached 1000 … this is post 998 … thus two more to go …. and no celebration until it is reached. Thanks for commenting.


  8. Oh, I thought the special announcement was that you were having a milestone birthday! That’s so exciting that you’re celebrating one thousand posts. Unbelievable. I’m a long, long way behind you xx


  9. Executive Quits Fast Track to Spend More Time with Possessions

    I know him, lots of hims and hers! I am sure this isn’t Onion.

    Can’t wait for Saturday, I am so in awe.

    Glad your game didn’t suffer, sure your team is glad to have you back. Bet they have explained why there will be no more 3 week holiday’s in your future.


    • Val,
      Good choice of headline favorite … given executive compensation, it;s fitting.

      At golf league I told some that I had uncovered information that someone had bribed my substitute, who ironically is now vacationing in Alaska! Meanwhile, a couple of weeks to go, so it is important that the two of us play well enough to hold on. Thanks for commenting and see you on Saturday … and feel free to bring friends. 🙂


  10. Genius! And congrats on the milestone! Although I’ve never really liked that term..reminds me of medical institutions somehow…so scratch that.

    Congrats on your success. 🙂

    PS thanks for your comment on my blog. Its really helpful to others. Cheers, AMS


  11. So, you have been writing/blogging for about four years? This is your 998 post…that is simply amazing to me. Over 92,000 hits…I am impressed!


  12. Congratulations, Frank! I tipped the 500 view mark this week and I almost fainted. I can’t imagine 1000. Way to go! I won’t be able to stop by on Saturday (meeting my future son-in-law–I think? if he can survive one of my daughters–poor dude), but I’ll drop by as soon as the visit is over. Cheers!


    • E-Tom,
      Not there yet, but 999 just went live after you commented. Meanwhile, the party will be going on into Sunday evening, so drop by when you can. Good luck with the meeting. 😉 Don’t scare him off!


    • Rosie,
      Very true. Then again, many still have it around … plus, I wonder how often “Tupperware” is used as a generic term. Any way, Tupperware had to be used to make the headline work. 🙂 Nonetheless, matching lids and containers can (at times) be a chore. Thanks for visiting.


  13. FAVORITE~! “Mismatched Tupperware Lids not a Problem after Devastating House Fire”

    Congrats on the millenium Frank. Well done! and thanks too for being a blogfriend.


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