On Satire Bits: Vol. 31

Hope your week has gone well so far.

I had an unexpected surprise for Tuesday. A friend invited me as he had an extra ticket to Michelle Obama’s speech. Being that I have never heard any First Lady speak in person, I went. Sure it was a campaign event, but I very able at sifting through rhetoric.

Meanwhile, Senator Sherrod Brown also spoke because he is in a contest against a Tea Party favorite that I dislike a great deal – thus I’m definitely voting for Sen. Brown.

Early voting in Ohio started today, which is probably the reason why she was here. Glad I went, but it took up too much of my day.

Before going on to the next batch of satire, a tip of the cap to The Onion because an Iranian new agency picked up this story and reported it as true. (Evidence report). In my opinion, not as good as the Congressman who took the bait not all that long ago, but still pretty good.

Let’s get on with another dose of satire from The Onion as an antidote to the mid-week blues. Any favorites?

Player Suffers Career Ending Contract

Area Dad Points Out Place that has Great Reuben Sandwiches

Something Really Amazing Happened on Internet when Area Man Outside

HP Offers “That Cloud Thing” Every is Talking About

Idiot from High School now has Job Where He has Clients

Uncle Ben’s to Compete Against Apple with Brand New Smartphone

New Hubble Peephole Can See in Showers

Roommate Wants to have a Meeting

Arianna Huffington has Webcam Installed to Forehead

Area Woman’s Hair Always Too Wet

Astronaut’s Mother Want Him to Call Once He Gets to the International Space Station

Woman has Bizarre Ability to Share Personal Life with Parents


61 thoughts on “On Satire Bits: Vol. 31

  1. Hmm – an embarrassment of choices. I think I knew a couple of those “idiots who now have clients”, and I’d love to see an Uncle Ben’s Smartphone (all your information ready in 60 seconds?), but I think the geek/pervert i me will go for the Hubble peephole. 😉
    I wouldn’t mind a one-on-one with the FLOTUS, if for no other reason than to compare notes on good Chicago watering holes. 😀
    Happy Hump Day!


  2. “cloud thing” works for me. i wish they’d find another way to say “area man” or “area woman.”

    the only political speech i’ve ever seen was dennis kucinich back around 2000 during the primaries. he was an excellent speaker, made a great deal of sense, but – as usual – his wife got more attention than he did.


    • Rich,
      Good point about area man/woman … a common alternative is local man/woman. Idea – you are a literary wordsmith. Any suggestions … heck, I could work them in. 🙂

      You saw Mrs. Kucinich?!!! I didn’t know how her until a friend of mine told me. Thanks for sharing.


  3. I’m not sure if it’s particularly hilarious or particularly frightening that an Iranian news agency took that Onion article seriously. I remember during a brief stint in rural Arkansas hearing a preacher use an Onion article demonizing Harry Potter as fact… it’s my belief to this day that he truly thought it was legitimate.


    • Twixt,
      I see your point regarding Iran, yet wonder how many other (besides the Congressman and the preacher) do take The Onion as serious. Let’s see … this could be excellent research for Fasab. Thanks for sharing your thoughts!


  4. i love going to political events. i’ve dragged my mother, sister, and niece to a few, and they wound up loving it as much as i do. i know it sounds corny, but it’s like a celebration of democracy. it’s also interesting to see who else shows up. at one john kerry campaign stop, we saw kirsten dunst and also got a mini-bruce springsteen concert.

    i stood right next to joe biden back in 2000, and i saw him interacting with an elderly lady who had had a laryngectomy. she had a hole in her throat and one of those devices that enabled her to speak. i’ll never forget how he held her hands and put his forehead on hers while she told him her concerns. he is the most charming man i’ve ever seen in my life. you can’t fake what he has. i’ve also exchanged a few words with chelsea clinton after hearing her mom speak in 2004. hillary is much slimmer that she appears on tv (it really does add a few pounds!), and chelsea is lovely in person.

    anyway, now that i’ve gone off on several tangents, i think it’s not only fun to go to political events, but it’s important to see political figures in person, because they suddenly become real human beings instead of the characters you see on tv.

    sorry to ramble, frank.


    • Nonnie,
      Oh no … this is no ramble at all. These are great highlights, so many thanks for sharing! After all, you shared things I didn’t know. BTW – back in ancient history of Gerald Ford’s campaign (and after a series of threats) – a flash bulb popped at an event, which obviously caused a stir …. and I was there .. but not close to the action. Interestingly, I didn’t vote for Ford, but went because I wanted to hear the our President speak.

      Many thanks for sharing this!


  5. Astronaut’s Mother Want Him to Call Once He Gets to the International Space Station–perfect for me, since I request that my son (35 years old-ha!) text me when he lands after traveling for work. Once a mom…

    I think you were the perfect person to invite to hear Michelle Obama’s speech! You have excellent political savvy and it was a moment in history. I didn’t even get my sample ballot (email) until today! We in California are so NOT on the radar of the presidential candidates. Our electoral votes will be what they care about, not our popular vote. I can’t imagine what it’s like to be from your state and be courted! I enjoy your political perspectives! D


    • Debra,
      “Once a mom …. ” … love it! (Thanks for the chuckle)

      Being in a swing state gets old … very old and very fast. On the other hand, we would complain too if ignored. In other words, our human nature creates a self-inflicted lose-lose situation. Nonetheless, yes … I enjoyed the moment in history. … and thanks for visiting and appreciating my perspective. 🙂


    • Squishy,
      Whew … any time a big official visits anywhere, normal routines are changed … from the airport, to the highways, to city traffic … YUK! Thanks for sharing what’s happening in Charlotte. 🙂


    • Paradise,
      The First Lady has a great delivery and presence … and provided a good speech. I just didn’t get wrapped up in the campaign moment, but rather enjoyed the moment of being with the speaker! Thanks for sharing your Onion fav!


  6. None of the Onions did anything for me, but your comment about going to see Michelle Obama – “Glad I went, but it took up too much of my day” – says it all about how increasingly we judge the success of our days by the number of activities and “soundbites” we’re able to fit in (and I’m among the world’s worst!). Also, I look forward to joining you in voting for Sen. Brown over the Tea Party favorite.


    • Tim,
      The First Lady was at the convention center. Fortunately, she was on time. Unfortunately, the line to get in was about 60% around the Convention Center – slow moving and in occasional rain. My house-to-house time was about 6 1/2 hours. So, I disagree about judging the success of my day in terms of the number of activities. Oh well … Thanks for commenting.


  7. Some good Onions and I like a Reuben sandwich now and again, but there can be only one winner for me “Idiot from High School now has Job Where He has Clients”.
    A lot of comments about Michelle Obama and showers – am I missing something???


  8. I like the fact that the Iranian news agency picked up the Onion story. There’s a “Ninotchka”-type absurdity to this snafu even though I suspect whoever was responsible for it is now doing time in a labor camp.


    • John,
      Finding a list of people who took the bait on an Onion headline would be an interesting research project. Meanwhile, cheers to your love for a good Reuben sandwich. Thanks for commenting.


  9. I’ve seen Obama several times (John and I spent our 20th Anniversary hearing him speak. Yes we are ridiculous). But never Michelle. She is wonderful. Of course, so is Ann Romney (‘cuse me while I barf).

    My fav onion is this one: Something Really Amazing Happened on Internet when Area Man Outside. I of coure would never let that happen to me.


  10. When I heard on NPR that an Iranian new agency had picked up a story from The Onion and reported it as true I thought of you! and was sure I’d find it mentioned here!

    You’re a lucky guy to get to hear Michelle Obama speak!


    • Rosie,
      The Onion/Iran story is a good laugh. Meanwhile, as a reader here wonders, what happened to the person who reported it? YIKES! Although it was a campaign speech, hearing the First Lady was a moment to remember. Thanks for commenting.


  11. A year or so after he lost he 2000 election, I heard Al Gore speak at a book fair -to a room of about 100 people. Terrific speaker and so relaxed, so different from what we saw on our teevees. He opened with a line that was charming at the time, although I think he continued using it for many years past its ‘funny expiration date’. He introduced himself with “Hi. I’m Al Gore. I used to be the next president of the United States.)


  12. Glad to see in the comments that you enjoyed seeing FLOTUS.
    Was there any substance to what she said, or the usual campaign shenanigans ?
    Nothing that grabbed me from the Onion, but anyone who knows where the good sandwiches are should probably not be mocked…


    • Guapo,
      FLOTUS gave a campaign speech, but she personalized it. Keep in mind, it was also the first day of early voting in our state. Meanwhile, I know you enjoy a good sandwich. After all, I recall your Philly Cheesesteak post. 🙂 Thanks for visiting.


    • David,
      Uncle Ben’s must be trying to expand their brand. A couple of FYIs: This is a typical Wednesday post, although sometimes I post something else. Because you enjoy The Onion, I also include a segment in my current post … Friday’s Opinions in the Shorts – a long-running series. Thanks for commenting.


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