On Satire Bits: Vol. 33

My week has had a bit of a frantic start, thus the reason why I haven’t dropped by many of your wonderful blogs the past few days.  Monday featured a battle with the fallen leaves. Interestingly, one day later the front yard looks worse than it did before I started Monday. So, Wednesday is Dealing with More Leaves Day.

I spent Tuesday morning at the car service department, and received a hefty bill for my efforts. On the bright side, I got two new tires for free!

In other words, I need a dose of mid-week satire from The Onion to vault me toward the weekend. Any favorites?

Study: U.S. Best Place for Women to Buy Jeans

Clothing Catalog Creates Unrealistic Expectations for Shirts

Man Walking Out of Home Depot with Plunger has Resolved Look in Eyes

Baby Bottle Nipple Pierced for Authenticity

Long-time Recreational Eater Turns Pro

Man Doesn’t Even Do Good at Sleeping

Area Family Awakens to Find Michelle Obama Tending Backyard Garden

Study Shows Pretending Everything OK Works

God Worried Apocalypse May not Live up to Expectations

Pet Eating like Country is not in a Recession

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55 thoughts on “On Satire Bits: Vol. 33

  1. “US Best Place for Jeans” reminds me SO much of the Eighties, when folks traveling to Russia would stuff their suitcases full of jeans and pay for their entire trip by selling them in Moscow! I think I’ll have to go for “God Worried About Apocalypse”, seeing as how Jerry Bruckheimer set the bar so high with “Armageddon”. 😀
    Today was my “leaf day”, grinding up huge piles behind the church. You’ll be happy to hear this – I found out I can conquer leaves blocking my network of drainage ditches with – you guessed it – my weed whacker! 😉
    Happy Hump Day!

    Like

    • John E … aka … King Weed Whacker!

      It looks your Apocalypse fav set the stage for others to follow as it seems to be the leading fav at the moment. Meanwhile, the leaves will be a small issue today for me —- but the compost pile will be the challenge. Glad you had good weather for your good work at the church! Thanks for commenting.

      Like

  2. Sorry about the less-than-ideal start to your week, Frank. You let those leaves know who’s boss!

    I like Pet Eating Like We’re Not in a Recession, because that’s what all my cats do. It’s like they really don’t care.

    Like

    • Weebs,
      In a few hours I will show the leaves whose the boss because I will attack them TWICE with a riding mower! Heck, I may go three times for good measure!!! Oh … and you have cats that seem to care the most about their stomach! 🙂 … Cheers to another cat lover. Thanks for sharing!

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  3. Hey Frank! Here is my fav for this week: Pet Eating like Country is not in a Recession. It’s brought to you by my dog, Cooper, who is eating like that while at the same time incurring medical bills greater than that of the country of Malawi (or in fairness to Mitt Romney, the country of Mali),

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  4. “God Worried Apocalypse May not Live up to Expectations” had me past chuckling, into what might be better classed as a “chortle”.

    Since we’ve collectively gathered a fairly common view of the apocalypse, I can’t help but be suspicious that we’ll all find we’re completely off…. you know, kind of like the First Coming.

    Hope you can chortle your way into a better rest of the week. I bet some high school kids would gladly take care of your leaves for a bit of pocket change.

    Like

    • Twixt the Chortler,
      Now there’s a title to behold!

      The leaves are no big deal because after I free them from occupying the beds, they will be attacked by the riding lawn mower – not once, but twice …. then off to the compost pile.

      Keep on chortling!

      Like

  5. Sorry you had some frustrating times early this week, but so do appreciate your satiric lift to my week. I think my favorite is Study Shows Pretending Everything OK Works. I appreciate hearing the pretense about things in my life right now is not in vain. ; )

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    • Patti!!!!
      A bit off kilter this week, but hey – in the big scheme of life, all is fine … which also ties to your favorite! Hang in there … and thanks for taking the time to stop by.

      Like

  6. Frank, these three work for me: Baby Bottle Nipple Pierced for Authenticity,
    Long-time Recreational Eater Turns Pro, Man Doesn’t Even Do Good at Sleeping. Maybe if you return to doing Saturday morning cartoon posts you’ll regain your leaves karma … just tossing that out there.

    Like

    • Lame,
      Regarding Saturday, good use of relying on the pressure of expectations. 😉 Hopefully I can come through. Meanwhile, glad you had some favs and thanks for sharing! I like the recreational eater one too!

      Like

  7. Nice selection of Onions this time.

    Do you think “Area Family Awakens to Find Michelle Obama Tending Backyard Garden” is a sign the she’s gonna need a job after the election? Maybe you should give her a call.

    But the clear winner has to be “Man Walking Out of Home Depot with Plunger has Resolved Look in Eyes”. I know that look when you get blocked up!

    Good luck with the leaves

    Like

    • Fasab,
      Gotta love the Home Depot headline. After all, I’ve seen bewildered looks there as well! Thanks for the video … nice tune to start the day in advance of the slaughtering the leaves will take later today. Meanwhile, get this election over with! After all, I’m looking forward to the excuses. Thanks for stopping by.

      Like

    • Tim,
      Fasab will be pleased that you acknowledged his musical choice. Keep in mind that unrealistic expectations for people is one thing, but for shirts is a different matter. Thanks for commenting.

      Like

  8. The Onion, what a place to end up on … brilliant – my favorite is Man Doesn’t Even. There was one about Weeping Obama – and that Bin Laden is still alive. Brilliant … just what the you Americans need. Thanks for taking me there.

    Like

  9. Lots of funny headlines this week.
    “Man Walking Out of Home Depot with Plunger has Resolved Look in Eyes”
    “Study: U.S. Best Place for Women to Buy Jeans” Montana is just crazy about jeans.

    hope you win the war on leaves sounds like it’s the ‘War and Peace’ addition. ::+)

    Like

    • Starla,
      The war on leaves was a fruitful few hours – especially because I did some necessary rework in the compost pile. It I can get it very fired up at this time of year, I can get good results. Meanwhile, can one find slacks that aren’t jeans in Montana? 😉 Thanks for stopping by.

      Like

  10. I guess that’s one thing I don’t understand every year autumn comes around: Why not wait for all leaves to fall before starting to gather them? Beside I think my favourite satire will have to be: “Man Doesn’t Even Do Good at Sleeping”. 🙂

    Like

    • Otto,
      I see your point. In my case, I have many leaves. Good news is that I mow to mulch them first, mow to bag/gather, then they go into my compost pile – from which I use the soil for various beds. So, I do have a method to my madness. If I waited until they are all down, there would simply be too many leaves. Plus this fall, I’m done some seeding in the lawn so I should smoother my attempts for more grass. Meanwhile, glad you found a favorite in the satire! Thanks for visiting.

      Like

  11. Even if it took Erickson’s extortion, if you’re going to visit my site, the least I can do is include yours in my rounds. Now let’s see, who can I bump??! Can’t be HEEllis, she’s printing my pathetic little story. Hmm….

    Like

    • Archon,

      Welcome first-time commenter. Although we are connected through an anomaly, here’s a quick tour of my typical pattern, that is subject to change. (I usually post the night before for the next day).

      Monday – Monday Morning Entertainment … something light to kick-start the week
      Tuesday – Open topic
      Wednesday – Satire Bits
      Thursday – Open topic
      Friday – Opinions in the Shorts (Tidbits all over the map)
      (if) Saturday – Usually a post about a classic Saturday morning cartoon character

      Meanwhile, thanks for stopping by!

      Like

  12. I don’t know Frank, two new tires sounds like a pretty good deal. I am thinking this sounds as if you should be doing at least a 30 second happy dance, maybe no waltzing but at least a little happy dance.

    Personally? I am going with the pierced nipple, that just made me sputter.

    Like

    • Guapo,
      It’s just part of the ritual. The front, back, and one side get its share. This year, because I planted some seeds, I have areas I’m trying to maintain a reasonable level of diligence. I’m hoping that the incoming rain will bring many of the remaining from the limbs to the ground (in the front yard). Meanwhile, my leaf gathering process usually continues until late Nov/early Dec. Oh well … I do want I can and build that compost pile. Thanks for the encouragement.

      Like

  13. Long-time Recreational Eater Turns Pro just made me chuckle. I’m not sure if I’m thinking correctly about this, but how exactly was the “recreational eater” eating to start off with to finally eat normally like the rest of us? I don’t know. Perhaps I’m overthinking. Sorry to hear about your week. 😦 I’m still bummed I can’t find my digital camera or else I’d be posting pictures. We are bracing ourselves for Hurricane Sandy. Should be interesting as the forecasters are making it sound like doom’s day. We shall see!!

    Like

    • Java,
      Bummer on the camera news as I figured it would have appeared by now. 😦 Good luck with dealing with Hurricane Sandy. I know it is too early to call, but this is the weekend to do what you need to do to prepare. Thanks for sharing … stay safe!

      Like

  14. Study Shows Pretending Everything OK Works–I think it’s my new mantra! They were all quite brilliant this week. I would like to wake up and find Michelle Obama working in my backyard garden! 🙂 Hope the weekend resets your buttons and your slump vanishes, Frank!

    Like

    • Debra,
      Ah ha … nothing like a mantra from The Onion to propel one to new heights in life! My week has reset after the goofy start …. and the great weather will be gone in a few hours! 😦 Thanks for commenting.

      Like

  15. Oh I remember that battle with the leaves when I lived up in the north-east and had 6 large oak trees on our property. Hope you’ve finished the job by now. How big is your property?
    Interesting that the USA is still the best place to buy jeans. I’d better go shopping.
    Most interesting headline [for me] = Long-time Recreational Eater Turns Pro Good lord!

    Like

    • Rosie,
      My neighborhood has 1/2 acre lots. I have a decent number of trees, but there are many in the adjacent properties. For me, it is a 5-week undertaking starting in mid-October. Heck, I did another 4 hours today. Meanwhile, good choice on the headline. Thanks for stopping by.

      Like

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