On Satire Bits: Vol. 39

Colder temperatures found their way into Cincinnati. Then again, it matches the holiday season.  Tuesday night we celebrated by visiting a drive-through holiday lights at Pyramid Hill Sculpture Park. (Do you recall my visit there?) Very well done and we had wonderful company along.

On to the mid-week dose of satire from The Onion. Besides wanting to know your favorite, here’s a challenge – use the headlines below to create a new headline. Yep, let your creativity use 2 or 3 headlines to share with everyone. Hopefully Curmudgeon-At-Large will stop by to lead the way. (It was Mudge’s idea!)

Have a good rest of the week!

Scientists Combine 20 Tiny Dogs to make Reasonably-Sized Dog

Male Marsh Wren Chirping his Balls off to Attract Mate

New Evidence Suggests Dinosaurs Died in Cretaceous Period Hospice

Candlelight Vigilante Take Commemorating into Own Hands

Blender Let On to Keep Cat Company

Latest Study Finds Cancer Cells Cruelly Mocking Researchers

Kangaroo Decides He’ll Get There Faster by Running

Coworkers Hastily Leaves Break Room

Cactus Scientists Recommend Drinking 8 Cups of Water per Year

Mood in Car Turns Grim after Dad Misses Exit

59 thoughts on “On Satire Bits: Vol. 39

  1. Saw a great one about house decorating from somewhere in Arizona. One woman got tired of her neighbor one-upping her, so this year, she put up one small line of green lights and one of red lights that spell out “Ditto” with an arrow pointing to the neighbor. Now THAT’S the Christmas spirit! 😀
    So – how about “Scientists combine 20 Wren Chirping Their Balls Off to Keep Cat Company While Cruelly Mocking Researchers.” I was gonna try to combine more, but I had to go to the bathroom after missing the exit while drinking 8 cups of water. 😉


  2. Long after the fact, I have heard that there is some controversy about Mighty Mouse. Seems that, in some of the early, set-up episodes, like Popeye and his spinach, Mighty wasn’t mighty till he sniffed some magical white powder. Any knowledge? Opinion? Desire to research? Joe Schuster never said Superman could fly, only leap tall buildings. The takeoffs and landings would have looked like Neo’s, from The Matrix.


  3. A challenge, nothing like a challenge.
    First, of the real Onions my fav is “Mood in Car Turns Grim after Dad Misses Exit” – I’ve known it to happen 😦

    So how about

    Scientists Mood Turns Grim after New Evidence Suggests Dinosaurs Attract Mate in Marsh Candlelight


    Male Scientists Take Balls into Own Hands Cruelly Mocking Coworkers


  4. The last two scored highest on my Wed. morning laugh-o-meter (thanks):
    Cactus Scientists Recommend Drinking 8 Cups of Water per Year
    Mood in Car Turns Grim after Dad Misses Exit


  5. Mood in Car Turns Grim When Dad Misses Exit to Washrooms: Eight Glasses of Water the Culprit Proving There Is No Rest for the Weary
    Actually I write headlines all the time for my newspaper articles and I would change this to: Dad Drowned for Refusing to Exit


  6. i didn’t know birds had balls, but i guess they have to. see, the unfairness is “balls.” it’s one of those words, like farts, that trumps anything. you can put balls in anything and it’s instantly funny. “they removed a tumor bigger than my balls, but now i’m okay.” that’s not funny, but now it’s funny.

    speaking of cancer, the one about the cancer cells mocking is great too. sad – but great.

    i’m stuck.


  7. Scientists Combine 20 Tiny Dogs to make Reasonably-Sized Dog–my dog is offended by this. My cat can’t stop laughing. It’s bitter cold in London as well. All of us are huddled in one room with the space heater. Stay warm Frank!


    • Paradise,
      We took some pics, but I never looked at them to see how they turned out. 😦 … after all, lights and nights can go either way for an amateur. I can tell you that they were very nice. Here’s a short video from 2007 that seems similar. Thanks for sharing your favorites.


    • Debra,
      Ah ha … an eye witness account from the opposite seat! I imagine a light rain is good … then again, isn’t it the time of year for that? (I recall the dampness of some past Rose Bowls). Thanks for commenting.


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