On Satire Bits: Vol. 40 – The Christmas Edition

How’s your week going? We have some chaos trying to determine when family gathering. Meanwhile, plans for my holiday party here on theΒ 24th are going well.

Given the hectic nature that a holiday week can bring, I’ve gone to The Onion’s archives to search for some holiday satire treasures. Any favorites?

Sitcom Characters Still in Shock after Christmas Episode proves Existence of Santa Claus

Businessman Goes Home for Holidays to Network with Family

Santa Signs Legislation to Help Special-Want Children

Weed Delivery Guy Saves Christmas

Department-store Santa Told to Push Chinaware

Christmas Newsletter Makes No Mention of the Twins

John Travolta-Oliva Newton John Christmas Album Plunges Nation into Double-dip Recession

Elf Finger Found in Box of Keebler Cookies

Family Forced to Discontinue Print Edition of Christmas Newsletter

Wealthy Deprived of True Meaning of Christmas

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88 thoughts on “On Satire Bits: Vol. 40 – The Christmas Edition

  1. Frank! You’ve changed! What’s happened to ya, buddy? Ya look kinda pale and thin around the edges! (Or is WordPress hosing you over, too? πŸ˜‰ )
    Gotta go with the John Travolta/Olivia Neutron Bomb … er .. Newton-John one, since I’m watching Revolting … er … Travolta hijacking Pelham 1-2-3. (Sorry about the “nicknames”, bad jokes from youth die REALLY hard! πŸ˜€ )
    Not too wild around here. Got one more post to line up – a special one for Saturday. 68th Anniversary of General McAuliffe telling the Germans “Nuts!” to surrendering Bastogne. And I understand there’s something else important on that day – something about the number 50? Ah well, I’m sure I’ll remember – provided the Mayans don’t get me first! πŸ˜€
    Have a good rest-of-the-week, Frank!

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    • John,
      Me? Changed? Not sure about that as consistency is my trademark.

      Travolta/Newton John is quite the popular pick in this edition. Meanwhile, I enjoyed Pelham 1-2-3.

      Not too sure about your Saturday post, after all, there is the Mayan thing, who knew much more than Harold Camping. Have a good couple of days … and thanks for commenting.

      Like

  2. Mine is this one: Santa Signs Legislation to Help Special-Want Children

    My letter to Santa has not changed much over the years. I may have to dig it from the mothballs for this year as well.

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  3. Each and every one of a these is a gem as far as I’m concerned. I got a good laugh. I will choose Elf Finger Found in Keebler Box of Cookies. That’s just bizarre. I look forward to your Christmas Eve party. I’ll be checking in at some point. I will have a house full of people by then and it is also my daughter’s birthday. I can already anticipate I may be looking for a closet to hide in for a while with the comfort of quiet and my computer! πŸ™‚

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    • Debra,
      Good choice on the elf finger, which is a bizarre thought!

      You are in good shape for the party. Because I’m actually starting on the 23rd for the Aussie’s 24th, it will be underway your evening! Hope to see you then … but you can return later as a getaway. πŸ™‚ Thanks for visiting.

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  4. Businessman Goes Home For The Holidays To Network With Family – absolute brilliant …. what has the world come to??? On the other hand is there quite a lot of truth behind it. We only network with our family on public holidays *smile

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  5. First it was the encyclopedia Britannica discontinuing its print version, then Newsweek, now it’s the annual Christmas Card family newsletter (“Family Forced to Discontinue Print Edition of Christmas Newsletter”). No matter, it won’t be long until the only way we’ll receive Christmas Cards will be on Facebook. Ooops – scratch that. ON TWITTER!!?

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  6. Great post. My week is winding down nicely thank you. A nice steady pace and no sense of frantic maniacal holiday insanity. πŸ™‚

    Busted out laughing at the John Travolta/Olivia Newton-John Christmas album. Naturally it would plunge the nation …. with all that “GREASE is the word.”

    Elf finger was also pretty funny but probably just a left over from “take your children to work day”. πŸ™‚

    Weed delivery guy saves christmas – that must be the “special” deliveries in the states that now have legalized marijuana. πŸ™‚

    Totally inspiring post my friend.

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  7. Well, I’m not often a follow the crowd kinda girl… but today I am and I do… that poor little guy… imagine how his wife felt giving him his full 10 fingered gloves (it was really to late to return them)!
    O wonder if elves do prosthetics?

    cool post, Frank…
    happy holidays to you and yours – if we make it to the 22nd, that is…

    πŸ™‚

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    • Buddahkat,
      Popular is what it is, and the elf with one less digit seems to be the winner. Happy holidays to you as well, and a reminder … a holiday party starts here, Sunday evening (8-ish, US Eastern) … starting early for the Aussies. Thanks for commenting and hope you can attend.

      Like

  8. My week (and a half) of Holiday hell starts tonight (sorry for the language). My wife’s college friend is coming with her family of four to spend the night (who does that on a Wednesday?!?). Tomorrow is my son’s school show which would be fine but all the parents start gabbing about who was the best. Then I have my office party where there will be exactly ZERO alcohol. Fun. Monday we leave for a week with the in-laws and the entire extended family is coming. That means I am likely sleeping on the floor (my back is hurting already in anticipation). So how has my week been? Great. Ask my again next week and I might belt you.

    Happy Holidays to you–please, please enjoy the holidays for me!

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    • Cyclist,
      Oh my … Because you are on the road Monday, make sure you stop by for a present on Sunday night, after 8. Meanwhile, I can see you are in need of a song tribute … here’s one for you.

      Hang in there … good luck and thanks for stopping by.

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  9. Definitely an Elf Finger in a Box of Keebler Cookies! finding one would be one of those OMG moments especially as I have no idea what keebler cookies are! Is there really something called a Keebler cookie? I also wonder whether an elf finger would look like my finger with skin and flesh over bone plus a nail ….

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    • SeaShells,
      Oh no … I forgot about the Mayans … but then again, I invite them too so they would forget about their proclamation. BTW – your invitation has been personally redelivered. Thanks for commenting.

      Like

  10. Oh, I agree with Tim – “Family Forced to Discontinue Print Edition of Christmas Newsletter.” The funny thing is we actually did discontinue our own print edition last year; we collected e-mail addresses last year and started a digital letter and musical card online. Oh, well, the Onion got us nailed πŸ™‚

    Like

    • Lynn,
      Oh that’s too funny! Besides, and probably only known to me, both Tim and you are music people! (He graduated from U of Cincy Conservatory, taught music ed for many years). Thanks for confirming The Onion!

      Like

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