On Satire Bits: Vol. 41

Happy New Year!

We rung in 2013 from a ballroom dance event, and then attended a brunch party the next day. Hopefully your holiday was a safe one! How did you spend New Years’ Eve?

To start the work week, a dose of satire from The OnionΒ is a good idea. Besides identifying your favorite, here’s the challenge – develop a new headline by combining 2 or more from those below. Enjoy!

Defeated Man Victorious

Extensive FAQ Page Dispels Any Lingering Confusion about Popular Boston Duck Tour

Anorexic Woman at Gym Looking Good

Area Man Impresses Date by Eating Calamari Appetizer as Fast as Possible

Intern Just Happens to be Beautiful 22-year old Woman

Second-Person Narrative Enthralling You

Area Man never in the Mood to do Things He Hasn’t Done Before

Man Stays Up Most of Night Rocking Cat Back to Sleep

Pan Left to Soak Now Predates All Current Roommates

Area Woman Finally Uploads all 12 Million of her Vacations Photos to Facebook


85 thoughts on “On Satire Bits: Vol. 41

  1. We had a low key family New Year party. The children went to bad early and the grown ups drank champagne and ate delicious snacks, listened to jazz and then watched the NYC midnight celebrations, before falling into bed.
    Love the “Cat in the cradle” story from The Onion. πŸ˜€ Happy New Year to you and your family. Hugs to you.


  2. Pan left to soak.
    Are you sure that isn’t a real headline?

    Defeated Man Victorious at pointing out Successful Intern Happens to be Beautiful 22-year old Woman

    Sounds like it was a good new year. And around we go again, Frank!


  3. Thanks for the chucke. Happy New Year! My new year’s eve was a quiet nithgt in to watch movies and celebrate at midnight with a litte bubby! My favorite headline is the area man not being in the mood for new things. Maybe he needs true love: Area Woman impresses Area Man by rocking cat back to sleep.


  4. Hi,
    Unfortunately my husband had to work, he does shift work and normally works New Years Eve. I went over to our friends place, they always have a barbie on New Years Eve, and it was fantastic, good food, good company, came home early I always worry about some idiots that maybe on the road.

    Couldn’t seem to put 2 together, too hot, too tired is my only excuse. πŸ˜€
    But I had a laugh about the “Anorexic Woman at Gym Looking Good” the picture that brings up is mind boggling. πŸ™‚


  5. Hi Frank. Just a quiet evening at home with kids for me. I wasn’t feeling all that great. We just watched a movie. Hmm…how about, Pan Left to Soak Now Predates All Current Roommates especially since Anorexic Woman at Gym Looking Good. Probably not the best. I’m glad your danced the night away. Sounds fun!


    • Nicole,
      The pan is a good choice, but at least you banged on a clean pot at midnight! Bummer starting the year with a horrible cold … I’m dealing with coughing issues at night. YUK! Happy New Year!


  6. Happy New Year Frank! Your New Years Eve activities sounded fantastic. Thanks for continuing to encourage us all to “Keep On Dancing” as we live our lives.

    I’m glad to be back in town happily catching up on the “aFrankAngles” I missed during our annual Grand Tour of the relatives’ Holiday Celebrations. All members were well and ecstatic over their hometown NFL teams making the playoffs.

    “Pan Left to Soak Now Predates All Current Roommates” was my clearcut Onion favorite. It relates to my annual New Year’s Resolution to throw out stuff from my basement/garage.



    • Tim,
      Happy New Year to you … and it seems your Grand Tour was a bountiful trip of joys. The Pan soak is a good one, so get to the basement and start your stuff reduction. A tip: Make believe you are moving. Cheers!


  7. It was a quiet New Year here Eve – just the way I like it. In bed by 10pm. Spent the morning out in the parks with camera – again just the way I like it.

    Onion challenge? Hmmmm. “Defeated man a victorious intern who just happens to be a beautiful 22 year old woman”.

    Have a great one Frank. πŸ™‚


  8. ‘Defeated Man and Anorexic Woman Never in the Mood…’
    New Years Eve we danced like we were young again, were the last to leave the function and stayed completely sober. We felt great the next day, which is not like it was when we were young…


    • Happy New Year Margie,
      Thanks for sharing your NY Eve … thus glad you enjoyed yourself dancing!!! Wonder if you’ll get the itch to go again? πŸ˜‰

      That’s a great Onion fusion!!! πŸ˜€

      BTW – this is a typical Wednesday feature. Maybe not always, but many. Thanks for visiting!


  9. Happy New Year, Frank! M and I stayed in and spent a quiet evening at home. It’s my favorite way to spend New Year’s Eve.

    Really like this one:

    Defeated Man Victorious

    Because it made me laugh out loud. πŸ™‚ I thought this made a good combo:

    Area Man never in the Mood to do Things He Hasn’t Done Before Which Explains Why Pan Left to Soak Now Predates All Current Roommates


    • Robin,
      Actually, the two of you having a quiet evening is what I expected … thus knew you would enjoy.

      Glad you like the defeated man … meanwhile, wow … what a combo! Thanks for the grins.


    • Fasab,
      The pan is today’s winner … although I though the anorexic in the gym would win … but hey … the people have spoken. And yes – vacation photos can be overwhelming. Thanks for commenting.


    • John,
      I know what you mean as I actually thought about not doing this post because of the shock of returning to the routine. But too tired for a favorite? πŸ˜‰ Thanks for stopping by.


  10. I actually fell asleep watching a New Years Eve program, but my wife woke me up just in time to see the ball drop in Times Square, then I nodded off again. You had more fun.


    • Debra,
      When coming off the holiday and getting back to the grind one hopes for consistency in order to ease themselves back in the routine. After all, who wants to return to issues/problems/fires/etc …. Thanks for sharing!


  11. Sounds like a nice New Years. We did nothing here – stayed home in the quiet – which was bliss. Next day took a walk and saw the remaining Christmas lights. Cheers!


  12. Fun to see how everyone spent their New Year’s Eve! For the first time in years, my husband didn’t have a NYE gig, so we stayed home, watched “Rockin’ New Year’s Eve” on TV, sipped champagne and nibbled on seafood and other goodies. A very nice and snuggly evening with a kiss and a toast at midnight. Couldn’t be happier πŸ™‚ Happy New Year to you, Frank!


  13. “Area man impresses date by dispelling any lingering confusion about rocking cat to sleep.” Sounds like a subset of my life recently! (“Man stays up rocking cat to sleep” was pretty much the first night with Stryper. πŸ˜€ )
    NYE was a marathon of the original “Twilight Zone”. Appropriate on so many levels.
    Hope the New Year is treating you well!


    • John,
      You gravitating to the rocking cat is no surprise … plus well done on the combo!

      Meanwhile, I’m still a bit overwhelmed, so I must determine a plan, and then get after it! Thanks for driving yourself to catch up. πŸ™‚


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