On Satire Bits: Vol. 50

How’s your week so far?

Warm weather has sudden burst onto Cincinnati the past few days … and we could break 80 F (26 C) for the second consecutive day. Well, all that before the bottom falls out very soon.

Any favorites?

For those desiring a creative challenge, it’s combination time – so use any of the information in this headlines to develop a new headline. Mine is at the end

Eccentric man introduces new sweater to closet pals Colonel Coat and Captain Blazer

Frustrated inner city students running out of ideas to motivate teachers

Millions of human beings experiencing emotions about JJ Abrams directing Star Wars

Half of 26-year old’s memories are Nintendo related

Area man compares circle of friends to cast of Lost

Study finds working at work improves productivity

Marxist student has capitalist parents

Congressional panel to investigate old mansion

Nation would not be surprised if Chris Brown allegedly travelled back in time to punch Anne Frank

Study exposes risk of conducting research while driving

Torrent of soap issues exits wildly from unexpected part of dispenser

Creep one-word message from mom could mean anything

My Combo: Eccentric Congressional panel exposes creepy Colonel Coat, Captain Blazer, and Chris Brown

45 thoughts on “On Satire Bits: Vol. 50

  1. Oh well you know what they say about April being a player. Mon had us sweating Tue we had rain. Wednesday morning is soothing but anytime now Summer Will glare at us with full force..

    My take on satire bits
    millions of humans working at work driven by nintendo memories

    Like

    • Soma,
      Your full force of summer must be something … and something I wouldn’t enjoy. Meanwhile, you may be on to something with that headline …. but I wonder if it improves or hampers productivity.

      Like

  2. Frank!
    I love 80! We’ll see that here in Seattle in 3 months. Can’t quite hit 60 this week.
    My favorite (because I’m a government worker) “Study finds working at work improves productivity”. They’ll never get it.
    Red

    Like

    • Seattle Red,
      80 at this time of year usually means some difficult weather is on the horizon … and it looks like that could be tomorrow. Just remember, Seattle summers are wonderful.

      Glad you were able to relate to a headline. 😉

      Like

  3. 80’s in April? What a gift. I hope you stopped everything and went out and enjoyed yourself !

    “Study exposes risk of conducting research while driving”
    I’ve seen people doing the weirdest things while driving

    Like

    • Rosie,
      Hitting 80 in April is unusual for us … and even in the first half of April! … but it will be brief as storms are in the forecast for tomorrow … Meanwhile we could use some rain.

      Good choice on the headline as that is a brilliant study.

      Like

  4. I’m so happy for you that you got some nice weather. I can’t complain too much myself! We have about a month of nice weather before it starts to get too hot! I hope not. My favorite is, “Half of 26-year old’s memories are Nintendo related.” I’m sure this one is true for many!

    Like

  5. Half of 26-year-old’s memories are Nintendo related while experiencing emotions about JJ Abrams directing Star Wars…

    And wow! 80 degrees in Cincinnati! It’s supposed to get down to 10 here in Fort Collins tonight. Maybe I won’t be planting my peas this weekend…

    Like

  6. We will have 8o degrees by end the week as well here in CA–but that is not that unusual for us at this time of year. Loved the headlines, as usual. My combination: Congressional panel to investigate JJ Abrams directing Star Wars.

    Like

  7. My favs from the real Onions are ‘working at work’ and the ’26 year old’s memories’.

    Mine is political today:

    capitalist Nation surprised at unexpected Torrent of Marxist emotions from Congressional panel.

    Like

  8. It’s in the 80’s here and the azaleas are already gone. Hardly seems fair that these bushes we take care of all year long only produce for a few weeks. It seems I should be able to relate that statement to “Study finds working at work improves productivity” but I’m coming up short. Using yours, how about….
    Frustrated Marxist inner city students running out of ideas to motivate capitalist teachers and parents

    Like

    • Georgette,
      Hardly seems fair that your azaleas are gone …. especially during the week of golf’s Masters tournament where azaleas are featured. … Then again, mine aren’t even close to blooming.

      Your headline made me laugh … interesting how many are focusing in on similar portions.

      Like

  9. I’ve got to love the eccentric guy…. what does this say about me? Oh well, my combination might say even more:

    “Creepy eccentric mom running wildly to closet to conduct research back in time”

    Like

  10. Frustrated inner city students introduce Nintendo related sweaters to their circle of friends whose capitalist parents work on Congressional panels to investigate Chris Brown, Anne Frank, torrents of soap box issues, and driving research issues concerning improving work productivity while condemning human beings still experiencing emotions about “Star Wars” and “Lost”.
    (and that’s all, folks)

    Like

  11. You have the same temperatures we have here, Frank. I had a giggle at all of these headlines, especially “Study finds working at work improves productivity.” Who knew?? 🙂
    What about “Nation would not be surprised if Marxist student has old mansion, torrent of soap issues, and travelled back in time to punch Anne Frank.”

    Like

  12. Torrent of soap issues exits wildly from unexpected part of dispenser – copious jet of soap from an entirely unexpected location – why couldn’t they tells us what the unexpected location was. I have tired using my imagination. *smile

    Like

  13. I like your combo, Frank. I’m too tired tonight to come up with a combo of my own, but I look forward to the Onion titles. Here’s my favorite: Area man compares circle of friends to cast of Lost I was a big Lost fan! 🙂

    Like

    • Debra,
      It’s OK to be too tired for the combo. BTW – Because you are a Lost fan, my wife noticed that the actor who played Desmond just appeared on two different shows (in a short span) as a different killer.

      Like

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