It’s mid-week and I just came off a lousy round on the golf course. On the plus side, the weather and the company were wonderful.
How’s your first part of your week going? Hopefully, this boost of satire will send you toward the weekend with positive vibes. Any favorites?
For those wanting the extra challenge, use the information in these headlines (and only these headlines) to form your new combination headline. Have a good rest of the week.
Company lacks manpower to complete latest round of layoffs
Area man panics after “liking” 381 of his ex-girlfriend’s Facebook photos
Website humiliates itself
Talk of crackers makes local thirsty
Report: Chinese third-graders falling behind US high school students in science and math
Inspirational teacher cancelled out by every other teacher at school
Retired pope vows to continue drawing “Papalpuss” comic strip
Community mourns death of beloved drunk driver
Danica Patrick flood with fan mail from nation’s inspired girl
Nostalgic warden has seen 3 generations of family come through the prison
Obnoxious friend won’t stop attaining major life milestones
Child who just lost balloon begins lifelong battle with depression
My Combo: Retired Pope vows to talk crackers with Danica Patrick
A Frank Angle 
Here’s mine:
Inspirational teacher begins lifelong battle with depression. (Because nobody is immune.)
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Elyse,
Ouch!!! … but yes, nobody is immune.
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Retired pope who just lost balloon mourns death of beloved drunk driver.
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Carrie,
Whoa … Losing a balloon losing is one thing, but that happening to a retired pope is a whole new level.
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I know, right?
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🙂
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Child, who’s obnoxious community panics after laying off inspirational teacher, begins lifelong battle with retired pope.
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John,
WOW … after a personal victory in the community, the child is jumping to a battle on the world stage.
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Inspirational teacher humiliates 381 of his ex-girlfriend’s “liking” beloved drunk driver
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Bulldog,
My first read saw a teacher with 381 ex-girlfriends!
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I would share the warden’s emotions Frank – a job well done
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GFB,
A nostalgic warden would fit into your cast of characters.
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Now there’s an idea – I have a couple in the pipeline at the moment but a Prison Guard would have a rich seam to mine….
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area man panics after liking 381 of x gf photos.LOL
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Errin,
He must have nerves of steel as I’m surprised it only took that many!
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it was so funny, even though i’m not sure i understand. is he upset he got rid of her?
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Sorry about your bad round of golf on Tuesday, but it can’t be as bad as the 107 I shot last Thursday on an area course from hell that I beg you never to play! For me though, the golf only topped off a bummer week that I’m only now starting to recover from. Details later.
You hit the Mother Load with your Satire Bits: Vol. 53!! Hard to choose a favorite from so many zingers, but for me it’s between: “Company lacks manpower to complete latest round of layoffs” and “Report: Chinese third-graders falling behind US high school students in science and math.”
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Tim,
The golf gods were simply not on our side. Will call soon to chat.
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These are the most hilarious ones I’ve seen in a while – Company layoffs could be nearly true in some cases. And the Chinese third graders besting our high school students – SAD but possibly true!
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SDS,
Good satire seems real, and that what The Onion does well! Glad you enjoyed this set.
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“Area man panics after retired pope vows to talk crackers to obnoxious friend.” Aha! My first headline! I’m so proud I may vow to talk crackers to the retired pope…where is he, anyway? Hmmmm…..
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Rogue,
Cheers to your first combo headline! Woo hoo!!!!
To answer your question, I believe he is still at Castello Gandolfo waiting to move to an apartment on the Vatican grounds.
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That sure brightened my day…..thanks
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Hansi,
You are very welcome.
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I am wondering how the teacher was “cancelled out” by the others 🙂
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Colline,
Great question ….. especially when consider what school admins say to the public.
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“Inspirational teacher cancelled out by every other teacher at school.” This one rings true with me.
Area man panics after obnoxious friend lost balloon. 🙂
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Paradise,
I know what you mean about the ring! Meanwhile, cheers to the area man being concerned for an obnoxious friend … a sign of a deep friendship.
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Hahaha
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Happy May 1st, Frank!!! 🙂
The child beginning lifelong battle with depression was one of my faves!!!
🙂
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Marina,
Poor kid … counseling for the rest of his/her life.
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😆 for a price too!!!
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Best bag of Onions for a long time. Very hard to pick a fav. Have to make do with these instead 🙂
Obnoxious pope humiliates 3 generations of Chinese family with flood of photos from Facebook
Nostalgic Retired teacher mourns death science and math in high school
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Fasab,
Oh no …. an obnoxious pope would not be good …. and that last one is too real!
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I did the last one with a certain teacher in mind 😉
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Teacher humiliates obnoxious child who mourns death of beloved comic strip. 🙂
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Debra,
Yikes … the teacher will be reprimanded big time for that one!
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I’m going to take the high road here, Frank: “Inspirational teacher comforts child who just lost balloon…as a result, she decides to attain major life milestones.” I like rewriting history!
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Cathy,
High road has it’s place, so thanks for dignifying this post.
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