On Satire Bits: Vol. 55

After the cool weekend, the first part of the week has been wonderful weather. It appears one more day is possible before the rain clouds move back into the area – which also means get some yard work done!

The classic video of Lucy and the chocolates on the conveyor belt was a big hit. After others commented on the upcoming chocolate and wine event, I decided to declare this week as Chocolate and Wine Week. If you noticed, yesterday was a wine post.

For your midweek dose of satire, I searched The Onion’s archives for past headlines involving chocolate … and a bonus video. Any favorites?

20 idiots evacuated from Times Square M&M’s store

Half of sleeve of Oreos lost in house fire

More Vegetables evolving chocolate-sauce-filled centers as evolutionary imperative

Local resident like a chocoholic, but for booze

Ozzy Osbourne bites head off five-pound chocolate rabbit

Report: Double-stuffed Oreos could raise tolerance to stuff

Blood thirty, undead ghoul advocates chocolate-cereal consumption

Hershey ordered to pay obese Americans $135 billion

U.N. orders Wonka to submit to chocolate factory inspections

Chocolate pudding futures up $2 per barrel

Praise the Lord … and pass the chocolate

……

Chocolate and Wine Week continues tomorrow. Meanwhile, here’s a special video for chocolate lovers.

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67 thoughts on “On Satire Bits: Vol. 55

  1. I find it hard to imagine a whole barrel of chocolate pudding. 😯 That chocolate massage sounds like a really messy ordeal. Not for me. I’d rather eat the stuff, sugar, calories and all. 😀

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  2. With the headlines I’m going with ‘Hershey ordered to pay obese Americans $135 billion’, and I’m thinking Hershey is getting off easy with that one, but the absolutely funniest of the morning has to be that video! At the end when they wrapped her up in foil I nearly spewed coffee! Too funny!

    Like

    • Good Morning Alex,
      I know the importance you place on morning coffee, so I’m glad that you encountered a near spew, thus not an actual spew! Meanwhile, Hershey’s probably feels the same you as you.

      Like

  3. There is a spa in Hershey, PA that offers complete chocolate treatments from soaks, to facials, to chocolate martinis. And yes, it is true, the whole town smells like chocolate. They pass it out like calling cards at every corner and there is such a thing as eating so much chocolate that the caffeine keeps you awake. I’m sadly speaking from experience. But it was divine.

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  4. Have never had chocolate massage … but I been chocolate body scrub for a couple of years now .. and it makes the bathroom messy, smells lovely and skin feels like silk afterwards. *smile Ozzy one – my favorite.
    As somebody said … I don’t want to fall in love .. I want to fall into chocolate.

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  5. Ozzy and I have so much in common….my son has never gotten over finding his chocolate rabbit with one ear bitten off. Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww…the scrub…..Ewwwwwwwwwwwww

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  6. “20 idiots evacuated from Times Square M&M’s store” – This is too real.
    Good gracious lord! I couldn’t have that chocolate over me, I struggle with body lotion.
    Not for me!
    Have a good day.

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    • Doggy,
      Yep – Times Square bit is too real. Meanwhile, given your struggles with body lotion, the chocolate massage seems to be too much for you. How about the chocolate scrub (video) in the comments? Of course would be good for Miss Peach. 😉

      Like

  7. I adored the chocolate massage video – I think the smell would drive me insane with a desire to lick the stuff right off, but the overall thought is heavenly.

    I used to own a small business making chocolate truffles and caramels. Out of all the flavors, nothing I made ever beat a sea-salt caramel dipped in dark chocolate.

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    • Jennie,
      Glad you enjoyed the chocolate massage video. Did you see the chocolate scrub video in the comments? Regarding sea-salt and caramel … YES …. I keep avoid the big container at Costco!

      Like

    • Kay,
      LOL … agree … just another trait of good satire. HEY …. I hope you enjoyed the massage. FYI: An awesome treat tomorrow in my celebration of Chocolate and Wine Week.

      Like

  8. I will behave, and keep my chocolate massage comments to myself! =:O
    All the Onion bits are great, but I’m going with the last one…. Hallelujah!
    Looks like the clouds are rolling-in on the Smoky Mountains, too, so I may actually get some house work done today.

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  9. You know, I once tried ordering pudding by the barrel. It wasn’t so much that the barrel contents tasted rather greasy, it was the HUGE smile the mechanic down the street wore for a week….. 😉
    And can anyone in an M&M store REALLY be called an idiot? 😀

    Like

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