On Satire Bits: Vol. 56

How has your week?

As storms pounded the central US this week, I recall this conversation with a long-time friend. He lives near Oklahoma City, so he deals with his share of tornadoes. I asked him if he ever gets used to them, and he strongly replied, “Never!”

I’ve had a busy week doing some needed things around the house. I a run-around as trying to fix my weed whacker is taking too much time. Toss in mediocre golf and only being able to visit a few bloggers, YUK!

In other words, I need a midweek dose of satire to energize the rest of the week. Which is your favorite? For those desiring to try your own combo, use the information for the headlines below (and only that information) to make a new headline. My combo is at the end.

Have a good rest of the week!

Freezing coatless woman has decided it is spring

Physicists confirm they have found and killed the God Particle

Amputee inspires others not to lose limbs

Jessica Simpson goes on tour to promote the novel she read

Mom hasn’t ordered favorite pizza topping in over a decade

Stars of cancelled show terrified fans will raise money for movie

Website’s new layout feels like deepest betrayal

Old refrigerator unable to control when it releases water

South Carolina defends right to fly Hardee’s flag from state capitol

Man wishes computer could do thing it already can do

Course sponge excited to join Smith family dishwashing team

Report: Saxophone still an OK vehicle for self-expression

My Combo: Jessica Simpson inspires fans by finding God Particle in Saxophone

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70 thoughts on “On Satire Bits: Vol. 56

  1. Ooh, Yum, Frank here’s my choice: Mom hasn’t ordered favorite pizza topping in over a decade (although I discovered personal pizzas so I get my artichokes anyway)

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  2. the death of the god particle cracked me up.
    And “websites new layout” = betrayal made me think of what flickr has done this week.
    Oh, and “Stars of cancelled show..” is also pretty hilarious.

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  3. Now now, ya gotta wait on killing the God particle until they’re sure they’ve found all of them! (Yep – suspicions are strong that the Higgs is hanging out at several different … well, to make it easy, I’ll say “locations”.) There’s even some physicists saying there may be far more to the Higgs – like an anti-particle that might explain the weakness of gravity in relation to the other three forces, and even some interface with neutrinos! YIKES! 😀
    Weather’s been hot and muggy until this afternoon, when we had the biggest major mini-storm I’ve ever seen. From skies going dark, through first drops, through torrential downpour, and back to full sunshine, all in less than 15 minutes. Weird!
    How about “Amputee inspires Jessica Simpson to order favourite pizza topping from South Carolina Hardee’s”? (By the way, SC “defends” its’ right to fly the Hardee’s flag, not “depends”. Oops! 😉 )

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    • John,
      I like that inspiration headline!

      Strange how some storms can be isolated to a very small area. It happened to us many years ago … and the havoc turned out to be only a radar blip … but we were the center of the blip.

      I knew I could count on you for the Higgs update.

      Good eyes … thanks for the correction … and done!

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  4. Mom unable to raise money for saxophone terrified to lose fans.

    Just so-so, but the Onion’s “Amputee inspires others not to lose limbs” is really a good one! Hope the week picks up and you head into a weekend and maybe a better golf game! 🙂

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  5. The God particle? Who are these people? That’s so bizarre! That’s really sad about the tornados. Hope you are doing good Frank! Get some rest and spoil yourself once in a while! 🙂

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  6. Excellent group today, in some subtle ways equalling your all-time best several weeks ago. For reasons that confuse me, I’ll go with: “Stars of cancelled show terrified fans will raise money for movie.”

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  7. Jessica Simpson unable to control when it releases water

    Sorry couldn’t help myself, she isn’t my favorite.

    The storms here in the Dallas area weren’t to bad yesterday, they ended up in a line so no Tornados formed though we were under Warning for most of the day. High winds, pounding rain and heavy lightning made for interesting weather but thankfully we were passed over. Now, we have many places collecting for Oklahoma, they are our neighbors and we step up.

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  8. My mind just completely goes blank on this game! (I’ll come up with something witty one of these days)….but – Jessica Simpson goes on tour to promote the novel she read (just cracked me up!!)

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  9. Laughed at this one:
    South Carolina defends right to fly Hardee’s flag from state capitol
    I used to live in Columbia, South Carolina. A Hardee’s flag would be an improvement. 😀

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  10. waaaaay too many to choose from. i thought i was finished at the jessica simpson headline, but then came the computer that can already do what it can do it do it do. do da day.

    btw – seems i have to remove the “not freshly pressed” badge. grrrrr.

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  11. I suppose the news about Oklahoma has pretty much consumed my news-gathering time this week. With the deaths of the children in addition to the deaths and injuries to so many residents, my heart has just been broken. And I ache for the teachers who were unable to save the children they lost. I hope they are able to find peace.

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  12. Hey, I heard that comment about “picture book”. 🙂
    Freezing coatless physicists confirm they have found and killed the novel Jessica Simpson read.

    Wishing you a fabulous rest of the week, Frank. Will catch-up with you again over the weekend. Cheers!

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  13. I had a stressful week, but I’m happy to visit your blog of course. This headline “Jessica Simpson goes on tour to promote the novel she read” is incredibly funny. I needed that laugh my friend 🙂

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