On Satire Bits: Vol. 59

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I couldn’t resist using that video again this week.

How has your week so far? Have you had pleasant weather?

Tonight’s golf game was a feast-or-famine 9-hole event. I finished +7, but had four double bogeys (each +2). Simply bizarre.

By the way, a reminder that the next post is Time – The Musical: Act 3 featuring year(s).

For this week’s mid-week dose of satire, I dived into The Onion’s vault of treasures searching restaurants. Given the results, I decided to focus on restaurant chains, plus limit each chain with one headline. I even listed them in alphabetical order. Any favorites?

Have a good rest of the week.

Applebee’s manager stops by to see how takeout is going

Arby’s charging $2.99 to let customers go behind counters, grab handfuls of roast beef

Burger King introduces new healthy deep-steamed french fries

Chick-Fil-A debuts homophobic sandwich

Chuck E Cheese announces new lower prices, but restaurants will be dirtier

Dunkin Donuts/Baskin Robbins/Pizza Hut/Taco Bell/Long John Silver’s opens

KFC introduces new family-size nugget

McDonald’s unveils new senior citizens play place

New Starbucks open in restroom of existing Starbucks

Olive Garden server covered in sauce sprayed from customer’s mouth

Orange Julius officials ordered to appear before US Food Court

Ponderosa Steakhouse fire claims lives of millions of bacteria

Red Lobster taking up Vanguard in fight against women in the workplace

Taco Bell launches Morning-After Burrito

Wendy’s to phase out unpopular hamburger sandwich

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48 thoughts on “On Satire Bits: Vol. 59

  1. Good group this week. It’s important to now and then check on the state of the country’s fast food. The winner today on my Onion LOL-O-Meter was “Orange Julius officials ordered to appear before US Food Court.”

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  2. Chuck E Cheese will be dirtier??? Is this possible??? The idea of kids playing in sock feet while eating pizza with dripping sauce and handling the sprinkle cheese might have needed rethinking. But they seem to be doing OK. We went once. It ruined my appetite which is difficult to do.

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  3. Golf! My husband is practicing to take the PGA test again this year, he signed up and now the nerves begin. I am tempted to offer him time with a sports therapist but I think he might be insulted.

    The satire this week…oh boy. I can’t pick, all too terrible funny but too terrible.

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  4. Week’s been a pain in the beck, Frank, but luckily 2 more days and it’s over.
    I’ve always loved Geico commercials, they come up with the funniest/silliest things.
    I’d love try that Chick-Fil-A homophobic sandwich.
    Have a good day!

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  5. Olive Garden server covered in sauce sprayed from customer’s mouth–this had to be the winner because I laughed outloud at the absurdity. I’d love to write these headlines–anything goes! 🙂 Having a good week, Frank, thank you!

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  6. (well, you know someone running around dressed as a big rat is not going to be my favorite place to go!) lol.
    The funniest thing I saw there was Chuck calling all the birthday kids up for a special dance and it was ONLY for the bd kids…this one kid got carried away and wanted to join in and her parents kept saying, “You cannot go up there – it’s NOT your turn – It’s NOT your bd…” (this litte girl had a complete meltdown and had to be drug, yes DRUG away! She fell in the floor screaming over n over, “But I WANT it to be my birthday! I WANT it to be my birthday!”) I couldn’t help but laugh…(the kid was traumatized)

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  7. Chuck E Cheese, the only chain I haven’t been visiting … but I think I haven’t missed much. Brilliant post … looking forward to some culture, the muscial “Time”.

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  8. New dirtier McDonald’s opens deep in senior citizen restroom.

    Homophobic Chick-Fil-A debuts handfuls of Morning-After bacteria in sauce-covered nugget.

    Customer’s mouth sprayed fire to phase out Vanguard of Arby’s unpopular, family-size, $2.99 behind.

    *grins*

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