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A local grocery offers many oddities for shoppers. It’s a large store with many imports and hard-to-find items. I’m not one who enjoys serious heat with my food, but a trip to the hot sauce display is a source of cheap entertainment and a test for my content organizing skills.
Some name sauces after people as Crazy Jerry, Mountain Man, Captain Redbeard, Papa Jack, Melinda, Susie, and Dave.
Some sauces seek emotions for their names as Fear, Envy, Measure & Pain, Tropical Tears, Pain is Good, and Squeal Like a Pig.
Some sauces seek names from the dark side as Beyond Death, Sweet Death, The Ghost, Ghost Deadly, Red Ghost, After Life, Tortured Soul, Devil’s Lightning, The Reaper, Reaper Sling Blade, Liquid Lucifer, Pure Passion, Hot Sauce from Hell, Hell’s Passion, and Hell Sauce.
Some sauces seek fiery names as Fatal Fire, Ring of Fire, Jamaican Hell Fire, Hell’s Inferno, Mad Dog Inferno, Pyromania, See Jane on Fire, and Hot as Shit Hot Sauce.
Some sauces seek backside names as Ass Kickin’, Megasoreass, Asbirin, Ass in Space, Ass in Hell, Ass in Tub, Ass in Antarctica, JackAss, LazyAss, Hog’s Ass, Buttpucker, Butt Twister, and Brand New Asshole.
Some sauces seek names with results as Fiery Fart, Flamin’ Flatulence, Sir Fartalot, Queen of Farts, Old Fart, Red Rectum, Rectal Rocket Fuel, Rectal Ripper, Colon Blow, Holy Shit, and Screaming Sphincter.
Some sauces seek other sources for their names as Liquid Stooped, Hot Buns on the Beach, Pecker Power, Angry Cock, Peppers Hurt So Good, Sergeant Peppers, Bite Me, Crazy Mother Pucker’s, Sauce Bitch, and my favorite – Smack My Sweet Ass and Call Me Sally.
Which of these is your favorite? Viveka, did you find any potential remedies?
A Frank Angle 
“Rectal Rocket Fuel” about sums up a few that I have tested and subsequently rejected as being self-abuse at the top of the chart. I got into some habanero sauce once that about cleaned my clock. I think my eyes must have crossed and my beard was close to ignition. A tad of heat that adds some fun to food is a good thing. When the heat overwhelms everything else, it is time to retreat. For discussion purposes, I count a Wendy’s No. 6 (the hot chicken sandwich) to be entry level medium in heat. On the other hand, I have a friend who eats the small incendiary peppers in Chinese food like M&Ms. Great subject Frank.
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Joe,
Whoa! That would be out of my willingness-to-try range. Good point about when it overwhelms the taste. Meanwhile, I don’t like sweating when I eat! Glad you enjoyed this!
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“Hot as Shit Hot Sauce.” Yummy, it sounds sooooooo appetizing!
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Elyse,
Because you are so interested in this, here a link for purchase …. and there’s a bonus too that would be perfect for you. http://www.hotsauce.com/Hot-As-Shit-Hot-Sauce-p/1243hs.htm
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Actually, it would be a funny stocking stuffer for Jacob!
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Save the link!
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My family always likes me to have plenty of hot sauces on hand. I don’t think we have as many down here with such creative names. I do like the sound of, ‘Squeal like a pig’ xx
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Spiced,
Well now … it seems your family likes a bit of heat with their food. I imagine there is a specialty with crazy-named sauces. After all, I can’t imagine Aussie humor passing on this opportunity.
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I like a hot sauce that has flavor and subtlety as opposed to just burning off the top layer of my tongue.
And as seen in a restaurant bathroom long ago, “Wash hands after using. If handling jalapenos, wash hands before too.”
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Guap,
Great point about the difference between adding for flavor or just for scorching.
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omg never heard of those sauces and some of them sound very appetizing like Fiery Fart, Red Rectum, Rectum Ripper. Now who wouldn’t want that!
They have every thing to make lazy bums get all fired up 😉
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Soma,
As we know, selecting an appealing name is part of marketing … and so many here wet the appetite!
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Very interesting and amusing post, Frank. It would seem that the names on hot sauces might benefit from a rating system such as that offered by the Motion Picture Association with several possibly rated at least “R!” As for me? I like just plain old Tabasco!
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Cathy,
Actually, there are words on this post that probably mark their first appearance on this blog …. and I imagine there were ones that I didn’t record for a reason … nonetheless, it was worth a chuckle.
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I stay away from hot sauces. All those names are reason enough to keep them out of my digestive system! LOL
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RoSy,
I’m with you in terms of avoidance … but they did make me laugh.
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When my colleague and I finished our unit on the study of heat and calories in physics, we then did a day long unit on hot foods. We brought a collection of foods and dips and sauces from very mild to ‘don’t even look at it’. First was a lesson on what made the food hot followed by how it is measured in Scovill units. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scoville_scale#Scoville_ratings_of_peppers
Then, came the eating. Kids were invited to try out the milder ones. Cautions and warnings got more specific as we went up the Scovill scale. Of course, there are always teen aged boys who know better and had to prove us wrong. Well, we weren’t wrong. They paid the price. Lots of milk and dairy products helped calm the flames.
It was a fun unit. Thanks for the new product suggestions for us to try at home, Frank.
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Jim,
Great idea with the students! Glad you saw the Scoville Scale from Val. Here’s another one … and like Val’s, it’s on a site where one can purchase hot sauces. http://www.hotsauce.com/Scoville-Hot-Sauce-Heat-Scale-s/78.htm
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Most of the kids loved it. But, there are some who don’t like hot at all. As for me, I prefer jalapeno and tend to prefer habanero levels.
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Good for you … and you can have my share!
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Hey Jim in IA,
Thanks for the link to Scovill units. I have always wondered if a serious effort had been made to determine what you have shown. cool.
Joe
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You’re welcome, Joe. It runs over quite a range of values.
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Joe and Jim … I hope you see the scale Valentine left.
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Wow! That is much more inclusive. Thank you, Valentine. 😯
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Great research Frank! Many of those names are hilarious! I last ate something spicy five years ago January, eight months before having to go on a bland diet or face a much faster death. Milton and I were having a weekend lunch in an Indian restaurant where I ingested something five alarm that seemed to sear a path through my entire gastrointestinal tract from the in-hole through the out-hole. That was also the year I was diagnosed with my plethora of gastrointestinal ills and no, I do not think that meal kicked off my health issues. But, it was a rude reminder that there was a significant problem deep in my guts that was not going away by itself no matter how much I tried to ignore it.
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Lame,
I had a feeling you would appreciate these names. Meanwhile, I admire the way you can look at your serious GI issues through humor .. but I can’t imagine the food you dearly miss.
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I could give you a list of those foods, Frank, but making grown men cry is not my thing.
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Now that doesn’t sound good.
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Whao, there are seriously that many?! I don’t know about any of those ones, but I always have a bottle of Encona Hot Pepper Sauce at home; for it me it has a good balance of heat and flavour, I can’t cope with too much heat. I find there aren’t many meals that don’t benefit from a bit of Encona! I only ever use it as a condiment though, not as an ingredient, if I’m going to cook with chillies then I’ll use fresh.
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Vanessa,
That many? No … MANY more because I didn’t record all the names … just the ones that my fancy. Nonetheless, balance of heat and flavor is important to most people… but for some reason, to a few, it’s all about the heat!
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Frank, another brilliant post of yours – with my “sorry ass” at the moment .. I think the best thing for me is to stay away from any of those sauces.
I’m amazed over all the titles on the sauces – we don’t have anything like this on our shelves. The names ???????!!!!!! Pure Passion sounds like a sauce that I could go for.
But in all honesty I think those names are truly silly and the names wouldn’t make me to buy any of them.
What a fantastic research and what a fantastic post. Thanks for the morning entertainment.
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Viveka,
The idea to include you in the post came to me at the last minute … after all, I knew your sense of humor would love it! This stores has quite the collection …. and many more than I listed!
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I’m always so surprised over the amount variety of products I can find in a US supermarket of one item. I can never make my mind up what to buy.
Frank I need the name of that ice cream you love so much again. Forgotten to write it down.
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No problem … it’s Graeter’s … pronounced greaters …. Here’s their site so you can get a visual to help you.
http://graeters.com/
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BTW – You would love this particular grocery because it handles many imported items …. for instance, I’ve got the feeling their is a Swedish section!
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Goodness me! I had absolutely no idea there was such a large variety of names going around!!!! Have a hot [not weather wise!] day, Frank! 🙂
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Marina,
Can you imagine the art work on the labels?!!!! …. but this could inspire some original music … well, with a piano.
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🙂 !!!
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See Jane on Fire. I’d like someone to give me that sauce for Christmas (because Jane is my name). But the other names are pretty snazzy too!
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Rose,
Here ya go! http://www.hotsauce.com/See-Jane-On-Fire-Hot-Sauce-p/1996sj.htm
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We have one here that is called “Gatbrand” best translation is “hole burn”…
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Bulldog,
I was hoping other names would come forth … and internationally as well. Many thanks!
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I have always loved hot foods. From the mildly amusing to the fires of hell. I love them all. There are different kinds of heat, curry to jerk; done properly they can be delightful.
This is one of my favorite places to shop for Caribbean sauces I can’t often find in the stores of Dallas. The cool thing about this site is they rate everything on the Scoville scale of heat!
http://www.chilliworld.com/factfile/scoville-scale-of-hot-sauces.asp
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Val,
Why am I not surprised that you love food with heat! Thanks for you link because of more names! Great Scoville Scale link as well.
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I have a couple of places I buy from on line, this one is good specifically because of the scale.
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Whew … I’m a heat light weight!
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I am not one for hot sauces and so never look at them. The names of some of them, though, do cause me to raise my eyebrows and to chuckle a little! 🙂
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Colline,
Other than amusement from the names, I have no interest in hot sauces. However, in this store, the excellent collection of BBQ sauces is in the same area.
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Do they have strange names too?
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Some … but not like these!
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I’m semi-fond of “Hot as Shit Hot Sauce.” How’s that for redundant? Never tasted it, I must confess, but I enjoy a good alliteration now and then with a bit of profanity on the side. Great post, Frank!
Hugs from Ecuador,
Kathy
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Kathy,
Here’s a link for you to purchase some for someone back in the US. http://www.hotsauce.com/Hot-As-Shit-Hot-Sauce-p/1243hs.htm
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Oh my golly goodness, Frank. You really made me laugh with these names. I think I’ll rather stay away from the hot sauce. 😯
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Sylvia,
Good to know that the list gave you some chuckles. At least it gives you something to look for when you return to the US.
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We only have about two hot sauces here, you have to go to an Asian supermarket to get anything else. You’d think our food could do with being livened up
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Joe,
Most stores only have several, but this particular store is unique in many ways …. thus their collection of hot sauces.
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I like Liquid Lucifer, but so many of them are funny. I like your favorite too, Frank–Smack My Sweet Ass and Call Me Sally. I envy the people who get to make these names up!
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Weebs,
Given the number of names that are out there, whew … finding a new one is a challenge …. then again, “anything goes” does make it easier.
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my boys are the connoisseurs of sauce – I will send this post to them. ME? i am about as bland as oatmeal. No heat for me:)
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Oatmeal Kimberly,
It will be interesting to hear your sons’ perspectives.
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I like spicy food, Frank, but as I as reading your post I could sense things getting hotter and hotter. Yes the names are amusing… but could I manage them all? I doubt it…
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Tom,
I know certain Asian spices can deliver serious heat, so they aren’t for me either. To me, sweating and eating aren’t meant for each other.
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I broke out in a sweat just reading these names! Squeal Like a Pig – made me laugh the most!
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Hood,
How about a bit of hot sauce for Chuckie?
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Tall-tale sauce?
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Good name …. but I’m wondering about his reaction to some hot stuff!
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lol! I’ve actually tried the one you favor, but the one that made me laugh was Crazy Mother Pucker’s. So did a few others, but I’ll leave it at that. 🙂
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Robin,
Cheers to your sense of humor! 😀
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Very entertaining 🙂 I think I’ll go into save the planet mode for one and recycle Old Fart sauce into a brand new one, eh? .
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Fasab,
Sounds like you have a plan.
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I can’t go too hot, Frank. I like chipotle peppers, but they are more smokey than hot. The one I occasionally enjoy is called “Scorned Woman” and it’s hot enough for me. Hot sauce is a big deal in our Southwest Cuisine, and i have friends who will devour sauces I’m sure would permanently destroy my sense of taste! I love the names of all of them! 🙂
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Debra,
Let’s consider this post as a toast to your friends, so give them to list to see how many they know.
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I went out with Sauce Bitch I think
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GFB,
Better you, thus not Oily!
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You know where it would be poured
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Oh that Oily!
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I love hot sauce–the hotter, the better. When I was a little girl I used to lick hot sauce out of my hand. My favorite is “Melinda’s” because they produce one that features the habanero pepper which is my favorite pepper. The funniest title that hit my funny bone is “Screaming Sphincter.” I’ve never seen that sauce yet, but I’ve had a couple that gave me the same result. 🙂
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E-Tom,
Cheers to your enjoyment of hot sauces … and with me passing on them, that’s more for you! You are in lucky because Screaming Sphincter comes in three varieties! Here ya go … http://tinyurl.com/l9n2d4x
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Well, Frank. I can tell you that my garden was taken over by my son last summer. Peppers ranged from wimpy (for mom and her cooking) to Hotter than Hades for his hot sauces and powders…. I fear the same shall happen THIS summer. My tomatoes will be relegated to pots whilst he taketh over again… He has even more seeds that are germinating as we speak!
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“Son hijacks Mom’s garden” sounds like on Onion headline! You could work some of his sauces into a catering dish .,,, even call it Chef’s Surprise! …. Hot sauces aren’t my thing, but loved gathering the names!
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Let’s just say that his sauces are too hot for me to handle. I don’t understand the pleasure in breaking out into a sweat and losing all feeling from tip of the tongue down to the stomach. Truly. He is a typical teenager. The hotter, the better!
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I’m with you on that one!
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