On Satire Bits: Vol. 74

How’s your week so far? Because it’s massage week (and before your dose of mid-week satire), here’s a mid-week rubdown for those who desire.

How was that for a precursor to Monday’s International Chocolate Day?

Our temperature has been falling and we could even see a few flakes in the morning! YIKES!!!! … and the rest of the week will be colder than normal. Brrrrrr … it’s too early for this!!!!

Thanks for all the best wishes for my mother-in-law. She’s out of the hospital, and is now in a rehab unit to gain physical strength and confidence – which has to be difficult for someone at 85.

Because it fall/autumn for the northern hemisphere, and as a follow-up to yesterday’s walk, I dived into The Onion’s vault of archives in search of satirical headlines for the season. Hope you enjoy!

Because raking leaves is a common endeavor for fall, here are graphics from The Onion’s archives: What is under a leaf pile; Popular autumn activities; and Most popular autumn foods.

Pumpkin makes a roll for it

New rake model arrives at stores

Scientists warn autumn will kill us all

Mr. Autumn Man walking down street with cup of coffee, wearing sweater over plaid-collared shirt

Indoor grill owner can’t wait for start of autumn

Area plant displays leaves

Morbidly obese pumpkin wins contest

Leaf hunting season begins

Pumpkin seeds saved, dried, roasted, salted, offered, refused, tossed

Lucy says of pumpkin, “It’s a fall idol, Charlie Brown”

Last Ruben Studdard reference wafts into the cool evening air of fall

Fall cancelled after 3 billion seasons

Any favorites? Have a good rest of the week!

69 thoughts on “On Satire Bits: Vol. 74

  1. “It’s a fall idol, Charlie Brown” is a good one.

    No massage for me this week. I’d rather eat chocolate than spread it on my body. Instead, I am going to an informational class on acupuncture tomorrow. I may have to try it sometime.


  2. Last year’s pumpkin seeds were saved, dried, roasted, salted, offered, accepted but often forgotten, and need to be finished before this year’s batch is started. If only autumn would cycle back to summer. 🙂 Winter votes Liberal, and I’m a staunch Conservative. 😦


  3. 85 years old, that is some be-rich lady you have there. So glad that she out of hospital. I have never had a chocolate massage, but I use a chocolate scrub weekly and the bathroom smell like a chocolate factory and it’s very messy. As somebody has said – I don’t want to fall in love .. I want to fall in chocolate.
    Week so fare has been great … and I hope yours has been the same.


  4. I liked “Scientists warn fall will kill us.” I’m dying without it, to be honest. Okay, so I exaggerate. But I do miss the changing leaves. Say hi to fall from down here in the southern hemisphere.

    Hugs from Ecuador,


  5. A terrible waste of chocolate – YUK. It’s gorgeous fall here. Quite cold in the morning, warming to upper 60’s. And the leaves are incredible. I might not have enough leaf bags for all of them, though!


  6. Good morning Frank! Autumn is in full swing in San Antonio, and not a moment too soon. I do not miss triple-digits, at all!

    Those are some hilarious headlines, as usual, but none of them are nearly as funny as that video. I nearly spewed coffee when I saw her wrapped up in foil at the end!


  7. Mmmm chocolate. Mmmm better: rubbed down with my favorite food group.
    A fine start to International Chocolate Day!

    Okay have to put a caveat here: if i’m going to be covered with chocolate it’s time to find a boyfriend to help with the exfoliation -wicked wink-.
    Agree with Alex above on the video. Sheeeeit! Can you imagine paying several hundred dollars to be transformed into a Hershey’s Kiss?

    Loved the Onion’s headlines. Groaning and giggling simultaneously.

    Thanks for starting my day off with a much needed massage. Now, where’s that dark chocolate bar with sea salt?! Coffee alone will not get me out of this warm bed Frank.


  8. Morning aFA! Portland still ablaze with sunshine and real honest-to-goodness shiny, bright faces. Will burn and then retrieve those smile images when January-February rolls around. I shall not mention names here, but bags of Snickers (via Onion Autumn Food) have been purchased in the name of Trick-or-Treaters…then hoarded by said purchaser. No names. No second guesses…
    We going to take a walk today? Sounds like I may need gloves and a hat….


  9. Glad to hear that your mil is doing better.

    Oh my gosh! I could not just lie there with all that chocolate & not be distracted by wanting to eat it all up. Not sure how that would be relaxing for me. But – I’d be willing to try it out.
    LMAO on several of the Onion headlines starting with the first one. So simple – yet hilarious. Well – that’s my kind of humor – I guess. 🙂


    • RoSy,
      Cheers to you having warped humor like me! .. and thanks for the thoughts regarding my MIL. Now about that chocolate … Viveka swears by her weekly choc. scrub … plus it makes your bath smell wonderful!


  10. Great news on your mother-in-law!
    Remember we were saying that weather is a bit funny this year… Well, 10 days ago temperature dropped 15+ degrees C making it surprisingly cold and now it is back to ‘normal’. Maybe scientists warning isn’t that far fetched after all!!!! 😆


  11. I think I’ll go with autumn killing us all…..oh, and one more thing………………………STOP WITH THE CHOCOLATE VIDEOS ALREADY!!
    I have to fit into a dress for a wedding next July!


  12. I wonder how Autumn is going to kill us! I do hope your MIL continues to improve. My mother has been in and out of hospital a lot this year and she still isn’t back to her former self. Amazing how quickly your seasons change. Isn’t it only a few posts ago you were complaining about the heat?


    • Spiced,
      You never know about autumn, after all, in these parts it is very sneaky.

      You are correct that it wasn’t that long ago when the heat was beating down on Ohio … and too think that cold is around the corner. I imagine your weather in Sydney is not as variable.


  13. I’m very glad to hear your MIL is improving. My mother and father are both in their 80s and it seems there are always concerns. More and more of my time is goes into helping and being available. I cringe whenever a health crisis rears it’s head, though. Tricky stuff this getting older!

    As for the Onion…”Pumpkin seeds saved, dried, roasted, salted, offered, refused, tossed.” This hits home! LOL!


    • Debra,
      Thanks for sharing your story because my in-laws are still alive and in that age group. I just returned from a visit, and the PT folks had her working today. … and glad you enjoyed the pumpkin seeds.


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