On Satire Bits: Vol. 81

We’ve reached the middle of the week, how was the start of your week?

With the recent house news, mine has been a whirlwind, thus causing me to be late with this post. Because the rest of the week will be full of must-do-now items as interviewing movers, dealing with inspections, securing a bank loan, and normal aspects of life, I will skip a post – thus return with Friday’s Opinions in the Shorts.

Let’s move on to your mid-week dose of satire from The Onion. Which of these gave you the best chuckle? For that extra challenge, use the words in the headlines below to make a new headline that is uniquely yours. Mine is at the end.

Have a good rest of the week.

Fanatically devoted nerd could potentially turn on Simon Pegg at any moment

High school freshman thinks Romeo and Juliet might be her favorite play

Intern strikes relationship with least-respected employee

Family watches in silence as dad checks out waitress

Man points out town where he threw up

Fish at pretty good place in life right now

Extremely vibrant town capable of supporting two Buffalo Wild Wings

Woman puts Cool Whip containers to every conceivable use

Area man admits being chocoholic but for booze

Neighborhood children gear up for highly anticipated opening of gerbil’s tomb

Internet collapses under sheer weight of baby pictures

Entire office clamoring to be introduced to co-worker’s parents

My Combo: Romeo puts Cool Whip on Juliet

77 thoughts on “On Satire Bits: Vol. 81

  1. Frank, I can sympathize with your busy schedule. By your mention of a bank loan I assume you are buying another house in the same area? During my Naval career we moved 10 times and I don’t feel that we had a real good grasp on how to do it properly until the 10th. Good luck.


  2. Gee, it thought it would crash due from all the cute cat videos! Wait aren’t they afraid to disturb the ceremonial sacred gerbil burial grounds? (Oh, what are they teaching in schools these days! …giggles…you heard those, right?)
    Keep calm and carry on, Frank!


      • Selling one’s home is a very hectic time. When we moved from Iowa to Ohio due to my husband’s job, we had two mortgages for 13 months. Talk about stressful. I was never so relieved when we found a buyer. But doing things long distance was tricky, and oh boy, so many papers to sign!


        • Ouch! Ouch! Ouch! …. Definitely no fun with that situation … and I can’t imagine the stress that come over time. At least it worked out … and hopefully something like that won’t happen again.


  3. Swap the baby pictures for cat pictures, and you might be onto something there! The crisis at the neighbor’s house abates just in time, as I have a rather important post (to me and a very important stranger) to format and write tomorrow, so I won’t be around until late tomorrow evening. Good luck on all the move stuff – guess I gotta go dig through the posts that have slipped by for the details, eh? πŸ˜‰
    Have fun, catch ya Friday!


  4. Remember to catch a few breaks between all the hustle & bustle of moving.
    LOL on your combo. Kind of a hot one!
    My combo: Waitress collapses under extremely vibrant nerd.


    • RoSy,
      In all situations, balance is the key. Even if all goes as planned, we do have the advantage of time, thus at least it’s not a rush move. Both movers I talked to yesterday mentioned that we are ahead of the game.

      Meanwhile, I won’t even try to imagine what the waitress and nerd doing!


  5. Fun list! My favorite: Internet collapses under sheer weight of baby pictures. (Sorry I don’t have a mix up to offer–brain is fried.) Trying to come up with a funny blog that starts out with Chris Christie and ends with Martin Luther King, Jr. My head is on the verge of exploding.


    • Debra,
      I don’t this that scene would be very good for a commercial!

      I thought of you yesterday when I read this inside the Dove chocolate wrapper … Stand back and breath deep and exhale.


  6. “Internet collapses under sheer weight of baby pictures” supports my belief that eventually the U.S. Supreme Court will rule that Affordable High Speed Broadband Internet, along with Affordable Health Care, are both RIGHTS under the U.S. Constitution.


  7. “Internet collapses under sheer weight of baby pictures” – this is something that I collapses under too – baby pictures …. does parents and grand parents take new photos of the kids every day ????? Of course they are cute and adorable, but still …. but we have free press – so bring the babies on …. easy to avoid them if I want too.


  8. devoted nerd watches dad be introduced as a high school freshman.

    throwing you some energy, wisdom and whatever else you need to deal with your house affairs. πŸ™‚


  9. These are all funny, think though the best is admission of being chocoholic. I am in the final stages of the cold from hades, finally not tipping over every single time I stand up. So plan on catching up on reading and writing and housework and shopping today. Hopefully this isn’t to aggressive.

    Congrats on house sale.


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