On Satire Bits: Vol. 81

We’ve reached the middle of the week, how was the start of your week?

With the recent house news, mine has been a whirlwind, thus causing me to be late with this post. Because the rest of the week will be full of must-do-now items as interviewing movers, dealing with inspections, securing a bank loan, and normal aspects of life, I will skip a post – thus return with Friday’s Opinions in the Shorts.

Let’s move on to your mid-week dose of satire from The Onion. Which of these gave you the best chuckle? For that extra challenge, use the words in the headlines below to make a new headline that is uniquely yours. Mine is at the end.

Have a good rest of the week.

Fanatically devoted nerd could potentially turn on Simon Pegg at any moment

High school freshman thinks Romeo and Juliet might be her favorite play

Intern strikes relationship with least-respected employee

Family watches in silence as dad checks out waitress

Man points out town where he threw up

Fish at pretty good place in life right now

Extremely vibrant town capable of supporting two Buffalo Wild Wings

Woman puts Cool Whip containers to every conceivable use

Area man admits being chocoholic but for booze

Neighborhood children gear up for highly anticipated opening of gerbil’s tomb

Internet collapses under sheer weight of baby pictures

Entire office clamoring to be introduced to co-worker’s parents

My Combo: Romeo puts Cool Whip on Juliet