On Satire Bits: Vol. 83

Wow … was it ever cold here. And to add dollop of insult, Anchorage (Alaska) was in the 40s! I stayed in as much as possible, but when I went outside, the raw cold was quite noticeable! Fortunately, it wasn’t overly windy.

The winter blast engaging the southeastern US reminds my wife and I of weather we encountered about three years ago along the Florida-Alabama coast. While the north wind was strong and cold, snow was falling several miles inland … and 50 miles inland received 7 inches of snow! Believe me, all they do (understandably) is treat the roads with sand.

Your midweek dose of satire from The Onion is below. Which is your favorite? For those wanting that extra challenge, make your own headline by using only the words in the headlines below. My combo is at the end. Have a good rest of the week!

Tears get into pizza bagel

Piano keys not involved in The Entertainer noticeably distressed

Seventh grade biology class grossed out having to dissect horse

Area woman almost images taste of peppermint mocha on tongue but stops herself

Boss came to work today dressed as guy who fires Sean

High school football player gives girl friend his mouth guard to wear to class

Lovers lost in fog

Gatorade releases new performance suppository

Mom’s head rotates demonically after passing sign for antique wicker furniture

Newly naturalized citizen taken around USA for orientation

My Combo: Distressed boss in tears after tasting suppository