The cold still has a grip on the much of the northern US, thus in the battle of groundhogs, Phil’s prediction is (at the moment) looking better than Chuck’s. It has also been a week the southeastern US received another dose of ice and snow while the northwest is dealing with the aftermath from the Pineapple Express.
One last reminder – The next post marks the debut of Life: The Musical. Get your songs ready with titles that include life, living, alive, lived, or live (that rhymes with give, not five). Curtain time is 9:30 pm (Eastern US) Wednesday.
With Valentine’s Day looming large on Friday’s calendar, I rummaged around archive vaults at The Onion to find appropriate head-shakers for your mid-week dose of satire. Any favorites? Yep, I’m staying away from a combo. 😉 Have a good rest of the week!
Annual Valentine’s Day stoning of happy couple held
Man born on Valentine’s Day only gets half the sex
From 123holidays.org
Valentine’s Day coming a little early in relationship
Going out is too much hassle
Heart-shaped tub clogged again
Morning after romantic night ruined by sight of rose petals stuck to sweaty husband’s back
Romantic hostage negotiator offers bank robbers moon, stars
Girlfriend dumped after Valentine-candy-related weight gain
More vegetables evolving chocolate-sauce-filled-centers as evolutionary imperative
Romanic evening squandered on spouse
20,000 tons of pubic hair trimmed in preparation of Valentine’s Day
Onion References
A Frank Angle 
You make me smile, aFA…and *snort* big time over tons of trimmings…
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Jots,
Sure hope you weren’t sipping a fluid at the time of the snort. Has your weather improved?
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No spewing liquid this time around…but a huge gafaw! loud enough to wake the neighbours…
Torrential rain and wild wind plowing through this week. Seems weather is making an attempt to catch up on the lack of moisture traditionally captured during our winter months. Probably means we’ll have rain until the end of what [we used to call] summer! Mother Nature is in a foul mood and pointing her “gotcha” finger not only in the Pacific Northwest but your region and eastwards.
You and yours holding up well? Hope you get a weather break…the March Move is coming soon.
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Sounds horrible. Just looked at your 10-day (subject to change) forecast, and it looks wet! Meanwhile, our is showing a warming trend with the 60s possible for late next week!
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HURRAY for warm…
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It may be temporary, but still … welcome relief!
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OMG, Frank, I hardly know how to pick a favorite, but the one about the man born on Valentine’s Day is right up there–no pun intended, I swear! Stay warm and Happy Valentine’s Day!
Hugs from Ecuador,
Kathy
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Kathy,
Glad I was able to provide some chuckles for the Day of Hearts. BTW … warmer weather is on the way … well, so they say.
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Darn it, Frank. I thought today was the day. I have been trying to find the perfect song that nobody would ever think of (I mean, how many folks are going to say “In My Life” especially on this Beatles’ anniversary week!). So I guess I even you out.
Secret — I’ve got John talking about dog breeds. I will have a dog before you know it!
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Do you think anyone will pick Livin’ La Vida Loca?
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I hope not!
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I could work it in as one for those who don’t leave a song.
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Elyse,
I imagine you are probably the only person with that song in mind … and I can promise you that is not the opener! Meanwhile, I’m imagining that the Westminster Dog Show may be also influencing the thought.
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Yup. But I had it on both nights and he was just peeking out at it onMonday last night he watched and we talked about two different prospects!
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Ah ha … so you are working your magic though suggestion.
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But Frank, every night is a romantic evening with my girl.
As I’m sure they are for you with yours.
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Valentine’s Day coming a little early ruined by sight of rose petals stuck to pubic hair.
Sorry couldn’t help it…
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Odd, you forgot the number one choice, the go-to-hog of the woodchuck kind, Wiarton Willie. I might be bias, okay I am bias. But Willie’s been do’n his shtick, longer than Phil and Chuck. And a albino woodchuck seems more fitting for winter predictions.
Valentine’s Day, oh yeah! -guess I’ll have to buff up the pink tub.
Thanks for the mid-week ‘shtufffs’, Frank.
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Hudson,
I know of Willie’s legendary status, but didn’t know (until now) his 2014 prognostication. Seems he agrees with Phil, but Shubenacadie Sam channels the same vibes as Buckeye Chuck. Thus it seems that the legends are sticking together, as are the counterthinkers.
Reminder … i’s not a pink tub, but Dusty Rose!
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The image of stoning a happy couple is very vivid for some reason!
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GFB,
That must be the Bob in you.
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Dear heaven!! Most of the images that resulted from that list were really images I’d rather not see 🙂
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Pauline,
The Onion has a way of doing that!
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“20,000 tons of pubic hair trimmed in preparation of Valentine’s Day”—-Well, that’s a lovely image…
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Carrie,
I wonder how much space it would take up? Then again, that would also depend on how compact/compressed the trimmings.
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Now you’re entering my teen sons’ ‘offal’ territory. 😉
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🙂
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Happy early Valentines! *and eeeewww! 🙂
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Hood,
Getting an “eeeewww” made me smile!
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😆 The heart-shaped tub 😆
Happy rest of the week, Frank!
[ready for…life]
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Marina,
Greetings! ,,,, and clogged tubs are never fun. Hope all is well!
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I enjoy reading through your Onion Head-Shaker Satires rapidly as if I’m throwing them against the wall of my brain and seeing which one(s) stick. Today it was “More vegetables evolving chocolate-sauce-filled-centers as evolutionary imperative.” It sounded cool and in some manner might even be true.
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Tim,
I’m hoping for the evolving chocolate centers so they can be found in a nearby produce department.
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Brilliant as always!
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Jeff,
Thank you … and I still owe you a Christmas wine review, but moving-work is getting in my way.
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Thanks for reminding me…I gotta trim my pubbies.
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Hansi,
Glad to serve … after all, geezers need reminders.
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I don’t think any of the songs that immediately came to mind would be what you are looking for. The word ‘alive’ conjured so many songs from my days in the church choir such as ‘He’s Alive’. But there was one song from the seventies I believe from the BeeGees – I may need to look that up to be sure – ‘Living It Up’? Disco or religious? Hmm. I’ll try to do better next time.
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The song I’m thinking of is ‘Nights on Broadway’. Give me the gong. *** While ‘living it up’ is in the lyrics, it isn’t the title. There is a song by Ja Rule called Living it Up and those lyrics are a bit graphic. I’ll be sure not to submit that one when you post the call out. Yikes.
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Renee,
Yes … Nights on Broadway would receive a gong in Act 1, but we can play it here!
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Renee,
Choices are many, and I accept a multitude of genres!
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I’ll try to find something that isn’t too risqué or droll. Love this version of the BeeGees. Does that make me a geek?
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The Onion really is somethin’ else with romantic tips & advice… 😉
I think I have a song in mind.
I have a song in mind for tonight. I think it’s one that will be posted before I get to it. SO – I will have a few back-ups just in-case.
Woot, woot!
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RoSy,
The Onion is quite the advice center! Meanwhile, your Elvis lives on!
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This is all too funny to add anything to. Hope the sun saunters in on you – it just came out here – and time to go frolic while we can.
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Mouse,
Sun has been around as part of the many cold, sunny days … but warmer temps are on the way!
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Hi there! Fun post.
“Staying Alive” by the Bee Gees. Am I playing right? “lol” 😉 Did I miss something in a post before my time!
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Resa,
That would work … but the post goes live at 9:30 pm. BTW … then add a youtube video for the song.
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Oh my goodness, Frank. It was so hard to choose, but I’ll go with the rose petals. At least there were no thorns. 😀
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Sylvia,
Looks like you are not alone with your rose petals favorite!
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“Morning after romantic night ruined by sight of rose petals stuck to sweaty husband’s back”–you made me laugh out loud with this one!
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Debra,
Causing an actual LOL helps me know I’ve meant a goal!
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20,000 tons? Gads, how many bathtubs were clogged after that? I snorted coffee.
LMAO, thank you.
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Val,
Knowing that I have achieving a beverage snort is a great feeling!
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