On Satire Bits: Vol. 97

Greetings from humid Cincinnati. The area is in an unstable air mass, so spotty storms could appear at any time … and Wednesday is supposed to be the worst day.

I had a medical scare on the golf course today. One eye suddenly went very blurry and strange. I finished the hole, and started the next hole using one eye, then because there was no change and that I hadn’t seen anything like that before, I walked off the course, Being after 5 pm, doctor offices are closed … and I wasn’t crazy about going to the emergency room. Good news is that the doctor-on-call met me at the office, she reported no internal damage, and my vision is currently close to normal. Because we don’t know what happen, tests are in my future.

Meanwhile, life goes on, which means its time for the your mid-week satire. Don’t forget the extra challenge of making your own headline by using the words from The Onion headlines below. My “combo” is at the end. Have a good rest of the week.

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Newly engaged couple receives incredible outpouring of insincerity from family and friends

Study: Most serial killers did not receive toy every time they went to store as kids

Man deeply suspicious after insurer covers prescription without hassle

Local man unsure how he ended up with boxing entourage

McDonald’s janitor would like to thank everyone who tossed half-full cups of soda into trash

Prescription bottle recommended taking 10 tablets if you really want to fly

Area man nervously ask girlfriend if she’ll settle

Sad man tears two bananas off larger bunch

Girlfriend, girlfriend’s brother look way too much alike

Fourth-grader with shark-tooth necklace must have killed Great White

My Combo: Area janitor boxing with serial killer after insurer recommended suspicious prescription of 10 bananas